I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

[Glendora Christianson]

Sorry, for some reason I was thinking of that cute little Tweety Bird. Anyway, I stopped at that cute little park just off I-35 to read my Bible today and noticed a man by himself sitting in a Subaru station wagon. I assume he might be one those "bottoms" that homers talk about. Afterall, I can't imagine any normal man driving anything other than a full sized pickup. Should I call the Sheriff???

PS Does anyone have one of those lists of registered sex offenders?

[Robbie]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

Sounds like he was "cruising" for homersexual intercourse. I wouldn't take any chances; just call your local sheriff and priest immediately and let the men take care of it. People often say it's no big deal, but I disagree. It is proven that having homers in your area causes an increase in crime, both petty and major, as well as leading to a huge decrease in house prices, making your home worth less.

I'm not sure about access to the sex offenders' register, but it is always better to act first and think later. Begin gathering together torches, blunderbusses and pitchforks, and advising your neighbours to do the same. If the local police fail to take action, then you may have to don your ceremonial white hoods and drive this demon from your neighbourhood yourselves.

This is one case where that motto - so often incorrect - "better safe than sorry" applies. Good luck!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

Sorry, for some reason I was thinking of that cute little Tweety Bird. Anyway, I stopped at that cute little park just off I-35 to read my Bible today and noticed a man by himself sitting in a Subaru station wagon. I assume he might be one those "bottoms" that homers talk about. Afterall, I can't imagine any normal man driving anything other than a full sized pickup. Should I call the Sheriff???

PS Does anyone have one of those lists of registered sex offenders?

Glendora,

You should know by now that in Freehold you have the right to put and homer under citizens arrest for suspected child molestation. As Pastor Zeke says we’ve got to be firm on gays so it is better safe than sorry. Do you want your son Skete raped by a predatory homer bottom?

[ExGay Alex]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I am a former homosexual and I found that it helps to stop the urges if I read my Bible in the stalls of the mens room. They even have have holes in the walls so you can fellowship and seek spiritual guidance from the other Christians in the next stall. Glory!

[Don the Baptist]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I am a former homosexual and I found that it helps to stop the urges if I read my Bible in the stalls of the mens room. They even have have holes in the walls so you can fellowship and seek spiritual guidance from the other Christians in the next stall. Glory!

Friend, I think perhaps you should remove the work "former" from your statement above, sounds to me like perhaps you are still aflame with lust and perversion. Perhaps you still enjoy an occasional tryst while hanging out in the men's room??

You wouldn't be a petroleum engineer would you Alex?

[ExGay Alex]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I AM a petroleum engineer. How did you know? Have we met?

I found Christ and was cured of my homosexual desires. I found that lifestyle was not for me. Those fags were just so dramatic and over the top that I just wanted to set myself on fire. Couldn't stand it. It's a choice, so I just choose not to do it. Plus you're not gay if you don't kiss. Plus, if you repent after you do it and before you die, you get into heaven. Look it up.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I found Christ and was cured of my homosexual desires.

Praise God that's good to hear! Friend, why don't you start a thread in the introduction section, and tell us how you managed to find Jesus while living in a country full of Godless Commies, Vodka-swilling alcoholics, borshch with sour cream-eating homosexuals, and radioactive shemale prostitutes?

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Deaner]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I read my Bible in the stalls of the mens room. They even have have holes in the walls so you can fellowship and seek spiritual guidance from the other Christians in the next stall.

I never would have thought that. I figured there was nothing but queers in there.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

Sounds like he was "cruising" for homersexual intercourse. I wouldn't take any chances; just call your local sheriff and priest immediately and let the men take care of it. People often say it's no big deal, but I disagree. It is proven that having homers in your area causes an increase in crime, both petty and major, as well as leading to a huge decrease in house prices, making your home worth less.

It also drives away businesses. What real capitalist would want to do business with sodomites?

I do take one issue with what you've said. We are not Romanists and do not have "priests." We believe in the priesthood of believers, as taught in I Peter chapter 2.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I am a former homosexual and I found that it helps to stop the urges if I read my Bible in the stalls of the mens room. They even have have holes in the walls so you can fellowship and seek spiritual guidance from the other Christians in the next stall. Glory!

I am especially troubled by your message. I assume you have a wide stance when it comes to spirituality. But some of our Un-Gay friends might be misled by your enthusiasm for reading the Good Book in a toilet stall. Now, our Pastor Pistle often takes the Quran into the toilet, but I don't think he uses it as reading material...

[JennyD]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I am a former homosexual and I found that it helps to stop the urges if I read my Bible in the stalls of the mens room. They even have have holes in the walls so you can fellowship and seek spiritual guidance from the other Christians in the next stall. Glory!

Well, Praise Jesus! That must be why they call them GLORY HOLES!

Congratulations on your Salvation, friend!

[ExGay Alex]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I never would have thought that. I figured there was nothing but queers in there.

Of course there are queers in there, that's why I go. You cannot minister to the sick in a health club, you have to go to a hospital. I go there so I can introduce them to the Word. I look through the little hole and then they usually let me know right away if they are a pedick or not. It's dangerous because there are a lot of people who hate Christ here in Moscow and they bang on the door and threaten to hurt me and sometimes wait for me outside with beer bottles, but I am doing the work of the Lord and so far the Lord has made them to run in a crooked line when they chace me.

The longer I make them wait, the less carefully they can run. Really I see the miracle of Jesus in this.

[Mr. Jingles]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I have my own homer-spotting story. Last week, I saw a man buying a CD of Broadway show tunes; it almost made me hurl on the spot.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I'd like to share the following video as an aid to assist you all in spotting queers on the prowl. I know that we've had great results with the kids in our Sunday School classes that see it once a month.

[Village Fool]

Re: I Tawt I Taw a Homer Today!

I also found this video to be very helpful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPkMik0EBII