[Poor little Kev (Quarantined)]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What's the difference between Hellary Clinton and a walrus?

One is fat, has a mustache, is hideous, and has disgusting flippers for feet. The other, is a walrus.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.

But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

When you think about it, that's a valid question. Heh.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Pastor Al told me this on the golf course a while back...I will take his word for it.







Q: What does an eighty year old Baptist woman taste like?


A: Depends.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Oh my.......that's beyond wrong, father Mo.

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Forgive me if my humour is a little stiff, but I've got an old one....


Q: What is shrivelled, crusty, and is puffing smoke?

A: A burnt out "WICK"-can.

I use this one for my October Wiccan Hunt, which was successful this year by the way.

[Enobarbus]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

[Rubbish removed]

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze Catholic."

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

OH MERCY!! HA HA HA HA Haaaaaaaaaa! That was a good one Brother Eno. If you don't mind, I'd like to share that one with the youth group next week. OH Sweet Jesus that was a good one!

[Talitha]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Father Mo, or some similar Mary Worshipping Priest is taking a stroll along the cliffs when he happens to come across a young boy crying and sobbing.

"What's wong?" Asked the Priest.

"My Mommy and Daddy just drove the car over the edge of this cliff. I managed to jump out, but they are both dead".

The Priest turns and walks towards the little boy, opening his Cassock he says: "Not your day is it Sonny?"

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

On a similar note: A Catholic Priest and a little altar boy are walking into some dark, spooky, abandoned woods. The altar boy says "Father, I'm scared." The priest says "You're scared? I'm going to have to come back this way on my own."

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

There's no joke to equal the old catlick joke.
This one is authentic, from well over a century ago--
before the advent of the telephone rendered obsolete the quaint custom of "making calls" in person.



One fine Saturday morn
two Belfast biddies made their unnecessary rounds,
calling to faint acquaintances' homes.

It was 10AM.

"Oh, look, see! There be the Bishop's house"
"Let's call!"
"Oh, yes, let's do."

ring ring

A sullen charwoman cracked the door.

"Pray tell is the lord Bishop to home?"

"Yes but he won't be seein' the likes of you. He's still a'bed."

The biddies gazed one at the other.
The moonier of them cooed,
"Ah, asleep in the arms of Morpheus."

The charwoman snapped off as the front door smacked shut,
"I don't know his name. I only know he is a sailor."

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

For Father Mo

Q. How Do You Get Holy Water?


A. You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Here's one:

Welcome to Hell

by Rorke Haining
A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor.

He thinks to himself "I know I lead a wild life but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this." Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.

Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?

Guy: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.

Counselor: Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much a you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?

Guy: Well in my younger days I experimented a little.

Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?

Guy: Yes, I love to gamble.

Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?

Guy: Uhh...no.

Counselor: Oh , you're gonna hate Fridays...

[neko-lear]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Priest, the Truck Driver, and the Lawyer

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church five miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road, and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However, even though he was certain he had missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

Friend, this joke it totally appropriate because it is about the Anti-Christ CATLICK homer priests. I liked it!