[SUV]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

this joke not christian, but it clean as cold water can get it anyways

nows, i got this here next joke in my emails i thinks Satan sent it to me! an it not christian an it not clean, but it need to be posteds so that it can be rebuked in the name of lord Jesus

Miss Petal, I Hope you don't mind, but I sent those jokes along to a $avED friend just in case he should wish to Rebuke them also.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The pope, the deli lhama, an athiest, and Pastor Pistle were on an airplane.
Lightning strikes the cock pit and kills the pilots. There is one parachute on the plane. The athiest grabs it and says,"You dudes believe in God. Let him get you down in one piece!" Then he puts on the chute and jumps out the door. He is promptly sucked into the engine and ground into pulp.
Pastor Pistle then starts ministering to the Pope and the deli lhama about True Christianity. The Pope has a heart attack from guilt. The deli Lhama has an anuerism.

Pastor Pistle gets up and walks into the cock pit and throws the pilot out of his seat and then pastor Pistle lands the plane.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

One Saturday, a pastor decided to visit his the newest member at his church. When he arrived at the young lady's house it, was clear to the pastor that someone was home, but nobody came to the door. The pastor knocked several times and finally took out his card and on the back of it wrote Revelation 3:20 and taped it to the door. When the young lady opened the door after the pastor had gone and found the card taped to the door. So she took out her Bible and looked for the passage. It reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."

The next day the same card showed up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was another scripture passage: Genesis 3:10.
After the service, the pastor looked through his Bible and found the passage and laughed when he read: "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself."

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor of a small town in
Ireland. One day
he was walking down the high street, when he noticed a young lady of his
congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of
the pub and sat down next to the woman. "Miss Fitzgerald", he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Sure", she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald
stood up from the bar she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi mate, we won't have any of
that carrying on in this pub."

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't
understand, I'm Pastor Fluff."

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as
well finish."

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at
Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to the Bahamas ...."

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Did you hear about the new Middle Eastern bathing suit? It's called a Burkini - for Muslim women who don't like to be stoned.

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said. " Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Did you hear about the new Middle Eastern bathing suit? It's called a Burkini - for Muslim women who don't like to be stoned.

The burkini is no joke - even Wikipedia knows about it: Burqini.

I may have been guilty of a certain tardiness in my praise for these Moon-worshippers - but at least they know how to display proper modesty. Modesty should be encouraged and not discouraged by so-called "casual" attire.

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The burkini is no joke - even Wikipedia knows about it: Burqini.

I may have been guilty of a certain tardiness in my praise for these Moon-worshippers - but at least they know how to display proper modesty. Modesty should be encouraged and not discouraged by so-called "casual" attire.

[ATTACH]1017[/ATTACH]

Proper modesty, especially in women, is one of the few things mooslums get right. A slight redesign and a name change would make good bathing suits for Landover's ladies. They'll be a lot better than most of the bathing suits available for women. Even the one piece suits expose A LOT more skin than is proper and is to tight over what it does cover.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A slight redesign and a name change would make good bathing suits for Landover's ladies.

The Ladies of Landover are on it already. We expect to have them in the stores by summer.

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Ladies of Landover are on it already. We expect to have them in the stores by summer.

Praise JESUS!! I hope one day that bikinis and the like are outlawed for promoting wanton and sluttish behavior in otherwise decent women.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Bah, they might as well wear a wet-suit! All that's missing really is the dive goggles and oxygen tanks!
I find the treatment of women in many Islamic countries to be an atrocious injustice. Saudi Arabia. Iraq. Iran. Yemen. Women are treated worse than hunting dogs.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

... All that's missing really is the dive goggles and oxygen tanks!...

Lady von Hellsing brings up a good point. These bathing suits do not cover the face like the traditional burka. A mask of some sort is in order.

Speaking of swimming, Lady von Hellsing, did you ever see if you could float? I believe that this is the traditional test for Witches.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Bah, they might as well wear a wet-suit! All that's missing really is the dive goggles and oxygen tanks!
I find the treatment of women in many Islamic countries to be an atrocious injustice. Saudi Arabia. Iraq. Iran. Yemen. Women are treated worse than hunting dogs.

A good hunting dog is worth 50 wives, any day of the week. Especially a good coon dog. Females are a dime a dozen.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Bah, they might as well wear a wet-suit! All that's missing really is the dive goggles and oxygen tanks!
I find the treatment of women in many Islamic countries to be an atrocious injustice. Saudi Arabia. Iraq. Iran. Yemen. Women are treated worse than hunting dogs.

And no wonder. Can you catch a man dinner?



No, babies DON'T count.