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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Prayer Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-29-2014, 03:29 PM

God Created us (Genesis 1:27). God decided at the moment or our conception the numbers of our days.

Job 14:5 tells us: "Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass." Psalms 31:15 confirms: "My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me." God knows how long it is good for each and every one of us to live. It is blasphemy to oppose God, to commit suicide, to diminish the days dictated by OUR LORD; or to try to have additional days, to prolong life in an unnatural manner by the means of sickular medicine or science. The Bible proves this:

Matthew 4:7 "Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."
1 Timothy 6:20-21 "O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called: Which some professing have erred concerning the faith. Grace be with thee. Amen."

Amen! Verily! AMEN!

Now, I lead a life that is consuming. I know this, it is for the good of my mission, it is my contribution to Jesus. I stress over false Christians heading towards damnation, I worry about disgusting homers who fail to hear the Call of Christ. I eat the hearty steaks fried in Godly butter that my wife prepares me. All this is strenuous and consuming exercise. This means that any day now, the most glorious thing imaginable can happen - a stroke, cardiac arrest, or a burst aneurysm! Or an accident. Or my sometimes more playful and imaginative ways of performing marital duties can lead to asphyxiation. Death. Glorious death. Path to God, to Jesus, to salvation.

No more.

The society has prepared a trap for all True Christians™ who collapse while spreading Gospel in public places, on the streets, in a Church. It is called Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation or CPR. It consists of applying pressure on the bare chest and of exhaling once-breathed stale air through the mouth into the lungs of the (unconscious) victim. Lips kissing.



The image contains direct orders for sodomy, as expected. The authorities no longer even attempt to conceal the actual goal: Losing souls for Satan by the devious claim of "saving lives". Obviously, rectal demons can enter the patient's mouth and from there it is a rollercoaster ride to the anatomical location of sodomy.



Women! You are not safe, either. Also the cunning demons of Lingus can be transmitted through CPR.



Nor is the patient safe if the person administering CPR is of the opposite sex! In this case, the sins of adultery, extramarital sex and fornication are the inevitable outcomes.



Another potentially special case: children! They are obviously not saved as they cannot repent their sins until old enough (Acts 8:36-37). Thus, one could claim that it would be beneficial to let them grow and, perhaps, hear the Call of Jesus and gain Salvation.



However, for each person saved there are thousands, probably millions that remain in their private false fornicatory bliss and corrupt also the souls of everyone else around them. This means that it is much better to let also unsaved children and infants to die than to oppose God's plan and apply CPR. In addition, as evidenced by these images, children inevitably get fondled and abused by their "helpers" during CPR - a fate even worse than certain death and eternity in Hell. Also, CHILDREN MUST NEVER ADMINISTER CPR to others. Infants, toddlers and children are unsaved, lusty little creatures sure to contain loads of demons ready to enter the Christian bloodstream and intestine!

Thirdly: the risk of Bestiality (Exodus 22:19). Nowadays they administer these CPR procedures on unclean animals, too
. This alone proves that - unless administered by True Christians™ free of sin, these practices must be BANNED! Regardless of your position (patient or helper) you must help only fellow Believers to avoid the transfer of fornicatory spirits.

And, better still, this is a win-win situation! A sinner destined to damnation and HELL only loses a few short years of his/her life that would have been filled with opposing the Works of God anyway. These few years are NOTHING compared to eternity. And during the last fleeting seconds of Earthly consciousness the sinner may have REPENTED. We MUST NOT TAKE that away! As for the True Christian™, Death is not a LOSS but a GAIN. The one exception is missionary work, for which is can be necessary for the True Christian™ to remain in his material body a bit longer. In this case CPR is highly recommended. The same goes for a True Christian™ wife, whose Godly husband is spreading the Gospel: She must remain living to provide continuing services (dinners, clean clothes, marital duties) to the husband.


WHAT TO DO?

All this can be complicated. At the moment of cardiac arrest, one can sometimes experience slight anxiety and feel oneself under a lot of pressure. It is not necessarily very easy to remember all this and make an informed decision to ask for CPR or not. And sometimes a True Christian™ observes a collapsed sinner and ponders if he should "help" the victim. For these emergency situations it is best to have only a few clear guidelines on how to act. I've prepared a short memo for A) those who observe a sinner in cardiac arrest and B) for those who experience a loss of vital bodily functions themselves.
A) What to do if you are asked to administer CPR?

1. Pray fervently and loudly. Usually this keeps you from hearing the pleads of the victim and, in my experience, many people avoid you during this. Some handy and comforting verses:
Luke 20:36 "Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection."
Romans 6:5 "For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection."
1 Corinthians 15:12 "Now if Christ be preached that he rose from the dead, how say some among you that there is no resurrection of the dead?"
2. Panic and continue praying. This will usually clear off any bystanders.
3. If someone else starts to administer CPR, you can try to fight him off by reciting the above verses. In addition, try healing by prayer. If Jesus wishes to save the person, you can help in a much more efficient manner by prayer. Numbers 12:13 "And Moses cried unto the LORD, saying, Heal her now, O God, I beseech thee. "

B) What to do if you collapse and someone wants to administer CPR to YOU?

1. Check credentials. If you're conscious, this is easy. Ask if the person is saved, his opinions on homers, etc. It'll only take a minute, and your brain can last that long without oxygenated blood. You can prolong this phase (if in doubt about the person) by coughing violently. Coughing increases the pressure within the thoracic cavity, compresses the heart and gains you a few extra seconds of consciousness.
2. You might unfortunately be unconscious and unable to interview the wannabe helper. Some people have Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) tattooed on their chests for these emergencies. DO NOT DO THAT. It is forbidden! (Leviticus 19:28). Better to have a handy card (below) that states your preferences regarding the qualities of the person who is about to help you.
3. If the helper is an unsaved person, you can safely put your life in the hands of Jesus, who can heal you if your mission on Earth is still unfinished (Matthew 13:15).
Of course, all this is irrelevant if a True Christian™ is there to help you. For mouth-to-mouth I would recommend an ex-homer as the ideal candidate. For asphyxiation during conjugal relations, the True Christian™ spouse is usually there to administer the treatment.

I've prepared a handy card to keep by my person at all times. If you're conscious, you can hand it to the potential helper, if you've lost consciousness, you can keep it printed on your undergarments or in your breast pocket where anyone can find it easily (see my signature for the card!).

To conclude, a rhyme to help you remember what to do, what to avoid!

Resurrection - YES, resuscitation - NO!
Intensive prayer - YES, Intensive care - DO NOT GO!
Saving souls is OK, saving lives is NO WAY!
CPR - NO NO NO, JCR - to Him we GO!

Ecclesiastes 3:2 "A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted"


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Benedict A. Davis Benedict A. Davis is offline
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-29-2014, 08:29 PM

Brother Elmer,
You are describing the worst day in a True Christians life! There you are all conscience thought leaves you and you see that promised beautiful light is calling you. There at the end of this glowing tunnel you see Jesus standing there , arms suspended calling you home! THEN out of nowhere somebody sucker punches you in the center of your chest and Jesus fades away, hopefully as disappointed as you. It just isn't fair.

Over the last few years I have given more and more thought to that great day when my Lord and Savior doesn't recede waiting to take me home. I would have had that ''Do not disturb/ Do not resuscitate'' tattooed across my chest except for that well known verse Leviticus 19:28 isthere to stop me. Then I considered writing my last will there with indelible markers. That is close to me trying to fool our lord, that just wouldn't do. My temporary fix is a lanyard around my neck with a folded sheet of paper with my wishes written on it. This is hanging on the lanyard by a couple of alligator clips. To be honest I am always losing my hanging note and having to replace it.
I have begun to work up an alternative where I will be carrying your well designed instruction card. You know those plastic sleeves for pictures? I want one attached to hold this important document. What I need to know is there any glue that I could use to permanently attach the holder? This way I won't lose it and it will be seen anytime it is needed. Can anyone give me suggestions?
Yours in Christ,
Benedict A. Davis


1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-30-2014, 02:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis View Post
Brother Elmer,
You are describing the worst day in a True Christians life! There you are all conscience thought leaves you and you see that promised beautiful light is calling you. There at the end of this glowing tunnel you see Jesus standing there , arms suspended calling you home! THEN out of nowhere somebody sucker punches you in the center of your chest and Jesus fades away, hopefully as disappointed as you. It just isn't fair.

Over the last few years I have given more and more thought to that great day when my Lord and Savior doesn't recede waiting to take me home. I would have had that ''Do not disturb/ Do not resuscitate'' tattooed across my chest except for that well known verse Leviticus 19:28 isthere to stop me. Then I considered writing my last will there with indelible markers. That is close to me trying to fool our lord, that just wouldn't do. My temporary fix is a lanyard around my neck with a folded sheet of paper with my wishes written on it. This is hanging on the lanyard by a couple of alligator clips. To be honest I am always losing my hanging note and having to replace it.
I have begun to work up an alternative where I will be carrying your well designed instruction card. You know those plastic sleeves for pictures? I want one attached to hold this important document. What I need to know is there any glue that I could use to permanently attach the holder? This way I won't lose it and it will be seen anytime it is needed. Can anyone give me suggestions?
Yours in Christ,
Benedict A. Davis
Dear Brother,

Never thought of a lanyard myself. What an idea worthy of Jesus! What about laminating the paper? That would make it resistant to moisture, as at least I can sweat quite heavily while spreading the Gospel on a hot summer's day. There are nifty machines available for this lamination.



As for the glue if you go for that option. Because it is not in my opinion quite proper to advertise the products of secular companies, I can only give you some hints of a glue that is very reliable and, as far as I know, manufactured by an American company that has not persecuted Christian customers in an overt manner. If you study the following image very carefully, you'll probably get my suggestion. Please, PM me if in doubt.




The product is based on a story of a HETEROSEXUAL bovine family and the molecular structure of the product is not suggestive of fornication. However, I'll stop purchasing it if it proves ungodly.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-30-2014, 03:14 AM

Even the linemen do it. The CPR is pure sodomy if you ask me!



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-30-2014, 09:13 AM

Pastor, what a disgusting image, but I hope it alerts all Christians to the risk of losing SALVATION just at the crucial moment of release from our Earthly bounds!

When I planned this post I had at my disposal some very disturbing material but I did not initially dare post it. Now I think it is perhaps for the best of all True Christians™ to see what we're dealing with...



An open call to become a puffter. And this is supposed to be educational!

Also, remember King Asa! He trusted the judgment of physicians and died, probably in a demonic sorry state. Had he only trusted prayer...

2 Chronicles 16:12 And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Thank God I'm White Thank God I'm White is offline
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Thank God I'm White is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Thank God I'm White is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Thank God I'm White is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-30-2014, 08:49 PM

I'd rather die and rot in the fiery pits of Hell's Fire than risk losing eternal salvation with Jesus by having some liberal do-gooder perform CPR on ME!!


Is there some ID we can wear demanding this sexual perversion not be performed on me should an accident happen?
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 07-31-2014, 03:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thank God I'm White View Post
I'd rather die and rot in the fiery pits of Hell's Fire than risk losing eternal salvation with Jesus by having some liberal do-gooder perform CPR on ME!!
Is there some ID we can wear demanding this sexual perversion not be performed on me should an accident happen?
Dear Mr. White (how fun is it to be able to say that ),

I have in my opening post prepared a draft of a card you could keep with you always with your own personal data listed, of course.

I am still open for suggestions regarding possible improvements or additions. Please, feel free to provide.

Judges 19:30
And it was so, that all that saw it said, There was no such deed done nor seen from the day that the children of Israel came up out of the land of Egypt unto this day: consider of it, take advice, and speak your minds.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 12:38 PM

I cannot believe you people are so stupid as to let someone die before your eyes and fight of anyone who tries to help him. You are the true sinners.
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 12:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cool dude View Post
I cannot believe you people are so stupid as to let someone die before your eyes and fight of anyone who tries to help him. You are the true sinners.
Please feel free to practice your unseemly and unnatural sodomaniacal maneuvers elsewhere.



(Romans 1:26-27) "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."



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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 12:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cool dude View Post
I cannot believe you people are so stupid as to let someone die before your eyes and fight of anyone who tries to help him. You are the true sinners.
Dear Dude,

We act out of LOVE! Comparing a few painful years in an institution as a mere vegetable after a "succesful" CPR event is NOTHING compared to eternity!

John 12:25
He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.

God knows the numbers of our days. Why meddle with that? As Jesus says above, clinging to life with artificial means leads to the loss of Infinite Bliss in Him!? It is really not that hard a choice to make, is it? In fact, there's actually no choice at all. The only answer is obvious! I choose eternity, I long for it. Any day my somewhat calcified arteries might burst, an aneurysm might rupture before the Rapture! My heart is weary from all the missions and spreading the Gospel. The left ventricle is too voluminous and the ejection fraction is low. The pulse rhythm is erratic with atrial fibrillation. My cerebral vessels must have plenty of cholesterol plaques by now. My eyesight is not as good as it used to be due to hyperglycaemia-induced revascularization of the retinal vessels. The plaques in the major arteries of my lower extremeties have given me claudication. The hardships have brought insulin resistance with them and even the arteries of my nether regions are narrowed making my conjugal relations difficult if not sometimes impossible. I rejoice in them! They are there as a legacy of my work for God, work that has included long days and longer nights and stuffing down foodstuffs of high energy content to keep me going, lots of saturated magnificent animal fats Created by our Lord. When these glorious awards of Hard Work manifest themselves causing a stroke or a heart attack, I sincerely hope no one comes and prevents me from going into everlasting comfort and joy!

John 11:4
When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
Praise Jesus for my disease! Thank you, God. They are prizes and the ultimate prize is in Heaven.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 02:06 PM

Where in the Bible is the act of saving a life a sin. Please cite scripture.
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 03:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cool dude View Post
Where in the Bible is the act of saving a life a sin. Please cite scripture.
Kid, our whole purpose here is saving eternal lives by encouraging people to read the Bible. Don't look down on us just because we don't french kiss and dry hump each other in the process.



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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 04:00 PM

So letting someone choke to their death painfully is okay because they are going to heaven. But if they were good people why would God give them a painful death, doesn't that seem unfair.
BTW you did not cite scripture which proves that giving CPR is a sin.
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-29-2014, 04:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cool dude View Post
So letting someone choke to their death painfully is okay because they are going to heaven. But if they were good people why would God give them a painful death, doesn't that seem unfair.
BTW you did not cite scripture which proves that giving CPR is a sin.
Where in the Bible does it say God is fair? Book, chapter, and verse please.


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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-30-2014, 02:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cool dude View Post
Where in the Bible is the act of saving a life a sin. Please cite scripture.
OK.

God told King Saul:

1 Sam 15:3 Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.

But Saul saved the life of Agag, King of the Amalekites, (and the lives of some of the animals).

1 Sam 15:9 But Saul and the people spared Agag, and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings, and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them: but every thing that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly.

So the Prophet Samuel asked Saul:

1 Sam 15:19 Wherefore then didst thou not obey the voice of the Lord, but didst fly upon the spoil, and didst evil in the sight of the Lord?


Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 08-30-2014, 04:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by uncool dude View Post
...But if they were good people why would God give them a painful death, doesn't that seem unfair...
God did not give us pain. Mankind CHOSE pain out of FREE WILL. The first woman sinned against God (see Genesis 2-3), and out of this original sin sprang forth death and pain and anguish. Because we chose it. Pain is our part in life.

Romans 8:22
For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.


Why accuse God of something He wanted us to avoid, what He advised us to avoid?! Once Fallen, mankind was given a new chance in Jesus but that chance is not realized on Earth as yet. It is to be realized in Eternal Heavenly Bliss at the End of Times. Some final agony at the moment of death is a small prize but the perfect test for believers. They have to stand firm in God at the moment of pain, not falter, not doubting!

Because in pain there is PROMISE!

Micah 4:10
Be in pain, and labour to bring forth, O daughter of Zion, like a woman in travail: for now shalt thou go forth out of the city, and thou shalt dwell in the field, and thou shalt go even to Babylon; there shalt thou be delivered; there the LORD shall redeem thee from the hand of thine enemies.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 11-22-2014, 08:47 PM

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Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
God Created us (Genesis 1:27). God decided at the moment or our conception the numbers of our days.

Job 14:5 tells us: "Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass." Psalms 31:15 confirms: "My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me." God knows how long it is good for each and every one of us to live. It is blasphemy to oppose God, to commit suicide, to diminish the days dictated by OUR LORD; or to try to have additional days, to prolong life in an unnatural manner by the means of sickular medicine or science. The Bible proves this rest of the post.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer
As you can see here, man has FORFEITED the Earth!!! Man is a ruined and destroyed creation that has absolutely no business at all whatsoever living on this Earth at all! When God creates something, He expects it to be absolutely perfect! Spotless, without wrinkle, and without blemish. When something God creates becomes imperfect, it pisses Him off!
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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 12-02-2014, 07:51 AM

CPR is playing God, and that's wrong.


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Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus' eternal love Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 10-28-2015, 06:16 AM

Brethren!

I has come to my attention that an update is required. Quite a few of our Brethren and Sisters have fallen victims of the ultimate persecution: they have been given cardiopulmonary resuscitation by heathens, papists, some have even been molested by homersexual persons with mouth-to-mouth respiration during the moment of their personal rapture (1 Thessalonians 4:17). Some people have survived this physical assault and gone on living a material life while losing the rare opportunity of uniting once and for all with Jesus Christ our Savior.

Briefly, they have been deprived of Glorious Death.

1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.


I am very sorry to say that I am probably to blame. I introduced recently the "Do Not resuscitate" Card that was of inferior quality. Obviously, all True Christians™ with circulatory disorders, malignancies or bad infection sprinted this card on conventional low-quality paper and carried it on their bosoms at all times but, by some unfathomable reason, the authorities and the layman helpers took this card as some kind of joke. These repulsive people actually touched and massaged many True Christian™ chests without permission. A few Brothers never recovered but were sent into hospitals and thereafter they chose secular lifestyles. You may have noticed absences from tithing and services.


So I prayed and Jesus - as always - helped me in the form of Brother Wall. By doing Christ's bidding he has now designed an updated DNR Card and I am happy to have the second one straight from the oven (Pastor Ezekiel obviously got the first one, although with his dazzling good health he surely will reach general rapture in perfect form; 1 Thessalonians 4:17). The card fits very well in the average True Christian™ wallet but here it is shown in glorious detail as designed by Jesus Himself!













In addition, this practical card serves as an ID card that demonstrates the Intelligent Design of us True Christians™ by Jesus. The Design of our life histories is exquisite:
  • Childhood: learning God's Love through Fear (Proverbs 10:13).
  • Adolescence: Finding God's Love by Submitting to marriage and exhausting conjugal relations (Genesis 2:24).
  • Adulthood: Living according to Jesus' Commandments and receiving His precious Gift of Cardiovascular Disease (Ecclesiastes 12:13).
  • 50's-60's: Succumbing to Jesus' precious Gift and ascending into Heaven (Matthew 13:11).
Now this scheme can be fulfilled without harassment. Brother Wall can be contacted with orders and 90% of the costs is forwarded to finance the glorious new aircraft for Pastor Ezekiel Flint!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Death is Better than CPR - Prepare for Your Next Stroke, Coronary Event or Asphyxiation NOW! - 10-28-2015, 12:00 PM

Well done Brother Prof. White. This card will save my Glorious Death, or life, depending on who is around at my End Of Days.

The thought of a Heathen putting their lips to mine is enough to want to die for. I can't imagine a Niggero or Messican pressing against my flesh when God is trying to take my last breath. To wake to that would eventuate in my being given the electric chair. Imagine having to wait 10 years for the legal system to get past fighting all those hippie, tree hugging, hairy armpitted, dreadlocked, stinking, soya bean, animal loving, nit bearing, orgy indulging, PETA loving, flower carrying, bare footed, gluten free sympathisers trying to save my life when ALL I WANT TO DO IS DIE A GLORIOUS DEATH.

I'm out of breath and I think I need an ambulance. Get out of my way you Heathen Hippies this might be the one! Move over Hoffa I could be shifting in next door. Praise Jesus!

Nope, false alarm.

Praise Jesus, Brother Prof. White.


Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


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