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  • Help I'm Scottish!

    I was born in this gruff desolate place of non-believers and I don't know what to do! The word of our lord saviour jesus christ has abandoned this place and left for America! I need to get out of this place! Please help!

  • #2
    Re: Help I'm Scottish!

    Originally posted by Faunze View Post
    I was born in this gruff desolate place of non-believers and I don't know what to do! The word of our lord saviour jesus christ has abandoned this place and left for America! I need to get out of this place! Please help!
    Get a green card, buy a ticket, and pray really hard.
    Posted via Prayer

    1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
    Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

    Blogging for CHRIST!
    Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
    All a-Twitter for Salvation!
    Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
    On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
    My Ladies of Landover profile!

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    • #3
      Re: Help I'm Scottish!

      Originally posted by Faunze View Post
      The word of our lord saviour jesus christ has abandoned this place and left for America!
      Because Jesus doesn't want to hang around with drunk, skirt wearing, stinky people with rotten teeth. Get yourself cleaned up and make a healthy donation via the convenient PayPal button at the bottom of the page. Then get your anemic butt over to Iraq and tell the first white person you see that you're there to kill sand coons for Christ. Keep us updated.

      Dean
      Last edited by Deaner; 02-05-2007, 09:43 PM.

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      • #4
        Re: Help I'm Scottish!

        Oh, and get rid of the Buckfast. Civilised people don't drink Popish wifebeater-juice.
        O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



        God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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        • #5
          Re: Help I'm Scottish!

          Originally posted by Faunze View Post
          I was born in this gruff desolate place of non-believers and I don't know what to do! The word of our lord saviour jesus christ has abandoned this place and left for America! I need to get out of this place! Please help!
          Along with the other matters that have been raised, you need to start capitalizing the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and also His Word!

          The odds must be against you achieving Salvation©, since the Lord must loathe you deeply to have made you a Scottish git in the first place. Either that or your forbears have offended God and it is being brought down on future generations. You are going to have to do an awful lot of extra tithing praying and fasting to have any chance of saving your Aeternal soul.

          But a least you have come to the right place -- Landover Baptist Church, the only True™ Church on this planet.
          Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

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          • #6
            Re: Help I'm Scottish!

            Originally posted by Faunze View Post
            I was born in this gruff desolate place of non-believers and I don't know what to do! The word of our lord saviour jesus christ has abandoned this place and left for America! I need to get out of this place! Please help!

            Never mind love,fluff your sporran up a bit & have another wee whisky.
            Things will look different in the morning...not necessarily better,just different.
            In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

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            • #7
              Re: Help I'm Scottish!

              Originally posted by Deaner View Post
              Because Jesus doesn't want to hang around with drunk, skirt wearing, stinky people with rotten teeth.
              Uh...have you read the Bible son? Jesus lived in a time when everyone wore a dress, drank bad wine (until Jesus turned some water into the good stuff) practiced questionable hygiene habits and knew nothing of dentistry.

              Jesus also was a champion of the poor and downtrodden. He chose preach to the less fortunate and told them that they, the meek, would inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

              Instead of insulting this lost soul, I think you might be better served to accept the fact that he is a simple bloke from a scraggly land looking for salvation that does not include hip-waders and shears.


              Bless you, my soup less cracker,
              Father Mo
              A Cardinal in the making.

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              • #8
                Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                Originally posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
                Uh...have you read the Bible son? Jesus lived in a time when everyone wore a dress, drank bad wine (until Jesus turned some water into the good stuff) practiced questionable hygiene habits and knew nothing of dentistry.

                Jesus also was a champion of the poor and downtrodden. He chose preach to the less fortunate and told them that they, the meek, would inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5
                Did He also preach that the poor, downtrodden, and just plain stupid should remain in povery so Pappa Benny Dickt could buy himself another golden fish-head?

                Yep, certainly looks like the poor and downtrodden that Jesus championed alright!
                O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                  Originally posted by Deaner View Post
                  Because Jesus doesn't want to hang around with drunk, skirt wearing, stinky people with rotten teeth. Get yourself cleaned up and make a healthy donation via the convenient PayPal button at the bottom of the page. Then get your anemic butt over to Iraq and tell the first white person you see that you're there to kill sand coons for Christ. Keep us updated.

                  Dean
                  By the looks of your photo, you look worse than all the scots I've seen. Redneck I presume?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                    Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post

                    Yep, certainly looks like the poor and downtrodden that Jesus championed alright!
                    The Holy City is open to all who would come to the Vatican. Unlike your 'Landover', the center of Catholicism is forever available so that any and all of the Lord's children might come to marvel at the wonder of Italian ingenuity prior to Omerta. I cannot though, in good faith, speak to the design of the Swiss Guard uniforms. I suspect a Baptist is responsible.



                    Bless you, my mentally malocclusioned one,
                    Father Mo

                    A Cardinal in the making.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                      Originally posted by Faunze View Post
                      By the looks of your photo, you look worse than all the scots I've seen.
                      I highly doubt that but I'm going to cut you some slack. The simple fact you are online in a country where 85% of household computers are sold to purchase heroin tells me there may be something different about you. Did you somehow make it to a Red Cross relief center?

                      Dean

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                      • #12
                        Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                        Deaner you have gotta get all these stereotypical images of people out of your head. We all look dress and live exactly like alot of middle and upper class americans. Our teeth are fine, that goes for the english too. People are people

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                          Originally posted by Faunze View Post
                          We all look dress and live exactly like alot of middle and upper class americans.
                          None of the American's I know dress like queers. I mean what the hell is that on his face; ball warmers?

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                          • #14
                            Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                            Originally posted by Deaner View Post
                            None of the American's I know dress like queers. I mean what the hell is that on his face; ball warmers?
                            Most of the Whites in America came from Scotland and Ireland, and they both wear kilts at WEDDINGS ONLY. So I'd watch who you are insulting, god obviously seen it fit to get the good people from Scotland and Ireland to make the "great" nation you call America.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Help I'm Scottish!

                              Originally posted by Faunze View Post
                              Most of the Whites in America came from Scotland and Ireland, and they both wear kilts at WEDDINGS ONLY. So I'd watch who you are insulting, god obviously seen it fit to get the good people from Scotland and Ireland to make the "great" nation you call America.
                              Do you have ANY sort of factual evidence for the statement you just made?
                              Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

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