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GOP talking points: Michelle Obama's organic garden
Fellow Patriots,
You pay have heard that Michelle Hussien Obama has ripped up an American symbol, trampled upon it, and smeared it with poo. That this American symbol is the White House lawn only makes the insult worse. This letter from a chemical industry lobbying group provides us our talking points regarding Michelle Hussien Obama's harboring an organic garden on the White House grounds:
1. Having a kitchen garden will destroy technology and make us all stupid. Farmers are stupid and backward, and anyway people have more productive things to do than grow food - for example, working on Wall Street, or doing whatever all those unemployed people are doing.
2. Did I mention that growing food is undignified and unladylike? I mean, we're talking about being outside, bending over and getting sweaty, with worm-poo all around.
God intended us to work in cubicles, doing dignified work, like the financial industry does. Farming is for undignified, low-class nations - we call them banana republics for a reason.
3. Muslims believe that heaven is a garden. In fact their word for "paradise" literally means garden. Jesus, on the other hand, only touched a food crop once - and that was to curse it.
4. Gardens are a very unsafe place for families with young daughter. You never know when your innocent daughter will be flashed by a cucumber, aka a plant penis. Just look at this pornography:
5. GPS technology is good. (I know, organic farming can also use GPS but if you add this bit, people might think it can't.)
6. If it's owned by a family, it counts as a family farm. Even Stalin and Mao had families, so technically there's no such thing as a non-family farm. So stop trying to promote "family farms" because there's no other kind:
7. Remember: if you grow your own food, you hate farmers. (Don't say it this bluntly. Instead give them some math to work out:
8. Who needs to save endangered species when mice and locusts are also wildlife?
9. Women and gardens are a bad mix. Ever heard of what a woman did in the Garden of Eden?
You pay have heard that Michelle Hussien Obama has ripped up an American symbol, trampled upon it, and smeared it with poo. That this American symbol is the White House lawn only makes the insult worse. This letter from a chemical industry lobbying group provides us our talking points regarding Michelle Hussien Obama's harboring an organic garden on the White House grounds:
1. Having a kitchen garden will destroy technology and make us all stupid. Farmers are stupid and backward, and anyway people have more productive things to do than grow food - for example, working on Wall Street, or doing whatever all those unemployed people are doing.
If Americans were still required to farm to support their family's basic food and fiber needs, would the U.S. have been leaders in the advancement of science, communication, education, medicine, transportation and the arts?
God intended us to work in cubicles, doing dignified work, like the financial industry does. Farming is for undignified, low-class nations - we call them banana republics for a reason.
3. Muslims believe that heaven is a garden. In fact their word for "paradise" literally means garden. Jesus, on the other hand, only touched a food crop once - and that was to curse it.
4. Gardens are a very unsafe place for families with young daughter. You never know when your innocent daughter will be flashed by a cucumber, aka a plant penis. Just look at this pornography:
5. GPS technology is good. (I know, organic farming can also use GPS but if you add this bit, people might think it can't.)
6. If it's owned by a family, it counts as a family farm. Even Stalin and Mao had families, so technically there's no such thing as a non-family farm. So stop trying to promote "family farms" because there's no other kind:
Individuals, family partnerships or family corporations operate almost 99% of U.S. farms
22 million people are employed in farm-related jobs...an average farmer produces enough food to feed 144 Americans.
Agricultural land provides habitat for 75% of the nation's wildlife
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