X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • GOD=life
    WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
    True Christian™
    • Jan 2010
    • 3263
    #1

    Attention homosexuals: easy story, not-so-easy lesson!

    If you are a homosexual or battling with such feelings, this story may be an inspiration to you. As always, the KJV 1611 Bible will give you the full picture, but this may give you that little push you need!

    Chapter 1. Meet Bob and Ezekiel

    Bob and Ezekiel were childhood friends, they lived in the same village and often played together. They fantasized about great Christian futures. Ezekiel become a True Christian™ and lived an excellent life. Bob, however, was not so fortunate. He decided to go to college where he was corrupted into becoming a homosexual. Years later, Bob came back to his home village, where he met his childhood friend Ezekiel.

    -- "Hey Ezekiel, how are ya, mate?"
    "Doing fine, thanks. I am a True Christian™ and I have 12 children. How about you, friend?" --
    -- "Well.. uhm.. I chose to become a homosexual.. I fornicate with Shaquille and Anton"
    "But Bob, don't you know that God finds that an abomination and that He wants you to choose His path and become a family man and live an excellent life??" --
    -- "Eh man, gotta live in the real world. By homo friends love me, we have sex every day!"
    "All right, Bob. But promise me one thing: ask your homo friends if they truly love you. Because God really does love you." --
    Bob said goodbye to his childhood friend, then walked back to his car. The parking lot was far away, so he had some time to reflect on what caused him to become a homosexual....
    I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

    Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
    Matthew 7:22     Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
    Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

    Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
    Tags: None
    • GOD=life
      WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
      True Christian™
      • Jan 2010
      • 3263
      #2
      Chapter 2

      Chapter 2. Bob walks alone

      -- "I don't get it, I asked many people about homosexuality and they all said it was all right... let me recall........"
      -- "I'm an atheist! God aint realy YO! TIZ OK 2 B GAY"
      -- "Of course homosexuality is OK! I'm a scientist! TRUST ME!"
      -- "HE HE, sodomy = YUM!"
      -- "IM CHRISTIUN! ONLI TAKE CONVENIENT PARTS! LOL! BE GAY! IT OK!"
      -- "I'm in showbizz! of cuz it ok to be homoooo"
      -- "prrrrrr *lick lick*"
      -- "I'm a transvestite... dun listen 2 christiuns hunni"
      -- "imma rappa yo bro wad u wanna ask mi? got dope yo?"
      -- "say wa? yeah it ok.... whatevah"
      -- "I'm a nerd, what is sex?"
      -- "I'm the pope. Homosexuality is only bad if one of the two isn't prepubescent"
      -- "I'm Canadian EH, sex with MOOSE is good, EH"
      -- "have you seen Robin, he he he"
      -- "I amme french, si.. we all homo si"
      -- "G'day, I'm an aussie, mate. Whaddya think we do in da outback, mate"
      Needless to say, with ALL those people saying it's OK to be GAY, Bob was very very confused. There was only 1 person in his whole life saying it was NOT OK and that was Ezekiel...
      I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

      Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
      Matthew 7:22       Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
      Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

      Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

        Comment

        • GOD=life
          WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
          True Christian™
          • Jan 2010
          • 3263
          #3
          Chapter 3

          Chapter 3. Lonely but not alone

          Bob came home and met his homo friends Shaquille and Anton:

          -- "Imma gay and proud. I'm a TOP"
          "Heyy, Shaquille! I'm a BOTTOM" --
          -- "I'm Anton, I'm VERSATILE!"

          That night, they had homo sex with eachother. Then Bob thought of what his friend Ezekiel told him.

          -- "Shaquille, do you.. uhm... love me"
          "UH! MOFO! FU! R U CHRISTIUN OR SUMTHIN?" --
          -- "Ok... thank you for your honesty, I guess. Anton, how about you?"
          "Dun be crazi, eh. I just wanna fuuuuuuq"
          Bob realized now that Ekeziel was right all along and all the others were wrong. How could he have been SO mistaken? Bob kindly "asked" his homo friends to leave...

          -- "Get outta here, HOMOS!!!"
          "Man, they never even LOVED me, I am SO stupid!" --
          Bob slept alone that night, or so he thought...

          -- "Psst, that's a good thing you did there. Sleep well, my child."
          -- "Ahh, I feel so good now"
          That night, Jesus watched over Bob... -- "Everything will be all right, I love you"
          I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

          Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
          Matthew 7:22           Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
          Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

          Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

            Comment

            • GOD=life
              WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
              True Christian™
              • Jan 2010
              • 3263
              #4
              Chapter 4

              Chapter 4. Bob meets Ezekiel once again

              The following day, Bob went to a Bible shop and bought a KJV 1611 Bible. He surrendered to God and accepted Jesus as his Savior. Unfortunately, a Muslim man went to the same shop with different intentions...
              -- "ALLAHUACKBARALLAHHH ISLAM IS RELIGION OF PEACE!!!!"
              Bob went to meet God in person a little sooner than expected. Bob was rather nervous, because he had been a practicing homosexual for so long. Things turned out a little differently, however...

              -- "Welcome, child. I have some good news and some bad news"
              "Oh man, I'm going to Hell, right? Bye cruel world... sniffffff" --
              -- "No, dear child. You accepted God and the KJV 1611 Bible before you knew you were going to die. The bad news is that Ezekiel is also dead."
              "Hey my friend, interesting place to meet, haha" --
              -- "The good news is that you're both going to Heaven. ALL ABOARD!!!"
              "Kick-ass! I'm SO glad I choce to become a heterosexual! Now I can go to Heaven!" --
              I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

              Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
              Matthew 7:22               Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
              Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

              Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

                Comment

                • GOD=life
                  WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
                  True Christian™
                  • Jan 2010
                  • 3263
                  #5
                  The End

                  THE END - MAKE THE CHOICE

                  TRUE CHRISTIANITY™

                  IN HEAVEN
                  -- "Are you enjoying Heaven, children?" "Yes, Jesus!" ---- "You rock, Ezekiel! Thank you SO much!"

                  IN HELL



                  I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

                  Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
                  Matthew 7:22                   Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
                  Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

                  Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

                    Comment

                    • Cranky Old Man
                      Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                      You kids get off his lawn!
                       
                      • Jan 2010
                      • 22355
                      #6
                      Re: Attention homosexuals: easy story, not-so-easy lesson!

                      Wow, yet another excellent story GOD=Life. Praise the LORD!
                      5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                      To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                      James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                        Comment

                        • James Dewitt
                          #63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 6267
                          #7
                          Re: Attention homosexuals: easy story, not-so-easy lesson!

                          My Brother, what a truly wonderful story. I hope that all the Homersexurals who come to Gods Favorite Church read and understand how they to can join us in Gods loving arms.

                          Praise Jesus, Brother you are indeed a blessing to all of us.

                            Comment

                            • Halleluyah Rob
                              Honorary True Christian™
                              Forum Member
                              • Jan 2010
                              • 353
                              #8
                              Re: Attention homosexuals: easy story, not-so-easy lesson!

                              This is True Literature™. It contains intelligent dialogue, a very solid plot, and most importantly; good Christian teachings. Now, the next step is to take out horrible untalented literature like Shakespeare and James Joyce from American high schools, and add some of this Godly literature! Praise brother!

                                Comment

                                Previous template Next
                                Working...