I am *not* gay.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

I just want to set the record straight, pardon the pun. I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things. I do not seek random, sweaty man-on-man action at public bathrooms. I don't do those things.

I just wanted to clear that up before any totally-unsubstantiated rumors pop up. I am not gay.

[SUV]

Re: I am *not* gay.

Why, Sweetie, I KNOW™ this!

Haven't you seen me winking at you? Why, I would never wink at a gay "Man"

Unless, of course, he had become gay from SUV's Home-made Eggnog at CHRISTMASTIME

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I just want to set the record straight, pardon the pun. I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things. I do not seek random, sweaty man-on-man action at public bathrooms. I don't do those things.

I just wanted to clear that up before any totally-unsubstantiated rumors pop up. I am not gay.

Ditto all that. Just because we are young virile men who remain single and cannot account for the odd weekend here or there, and spend huge amounts of time excersizing and grooming, it doesn't follow that we are gay.

Which I am not, like Senator Craig.

Let's nip this in the bud right now. NOT gay, okay?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I just want to set the record straight, pardon the pun. I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things. I do not seek random, sweaty man-on-man action at public bathrooms. I don't do those things.

I just wanted to clear that up before any totally-unsubstantiated rumors pop up. I am not gay.

What happened? Did someone accuse you of dancing the chocolate cha-cha?

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I can neither confirm nor deny that statement!

[Seeker]

Re: I am *not* gay.

Uh - oh...

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I just want to set the record straight, pardon the pun. I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things. I do not seek random, sweaty man-on-man action at public bathrooms. I don't do those things.

I just wanted to clear that up before any totally-unsubstantiated rumors pop up. I am not gay.

You're just saying this for absolutely no reason?

Honey, you do realize that by your posting this, like this, it leads one to think that maybe your own leanings are not entirely straight? Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course, but this post is simply rather amusing.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I just want to set the record straight, pardon the pun. I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things. I do not seek random, sweaty man-on-man action at public bathrooms. I don't do those things.

I just wanted to clear that up before any totally-unsubstantiated rumors pop up. I am not gay.

I never heard any such rumors, don't think you need to be concerned about that, Dr EC Ville

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I just want to set the record straight, pardon the pun. I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things. I do not seek random, sweaty man-on-man action at public bathrooms. I don't do those things.

I just wanted to clear that up before any totally-unsubstantiated rumors pop up. I am not gay.

I am glad you brought this up. I know you're not gay no matter what anyone might say.

If you say that you don't do those things, that you don't have sweaty action in rest area public toilets, I believe you. And if anyone should mention to me that they saw your photo on a lewd Homer Web site, or that they saw you staggering out of a place called "The Machine Works" at 3:45 a.m., or that they saw you being unusually familiar with the backup dancers in the National Touring Company of the Broadway musical "Dream Girls" last July when the show was playing in downtown Des Moines, I would absolutely take your side because I know you and trust your character.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I can confrim that Pastor Zeke is NOT gay.



Anyone that says that he is better WATCH OUT! They call me Sister Thumper for a reason ya know.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I am *not* gay.

I am glad you brought this up. I know you're not gay no matter what anyone might say.

If you say that you don't do those things, that you don't have sweaty action in rest area public toilets, I believe you. And if anyone should mention to me that they saw your photo on a lewd Homer Web site, or that they saw you staggering out of a place called "The Machine Works" at 3:45 a.m., or that they saw you being unusually familiar with the backup dancers in the National Touring Company of the Broadway musical "Dream Girls" last July when the show was playing in downtown Des Moines, I would absolutely take your side because I know you and trust your character.

I'd like to back up Brother Montague on this. I have seen Dr Ville not be gay on numerous occasions. There have been several times were I have personally seen Dr Ville go to the men's room and not have gay sex from complete strangers. The people who spread these rumors (like Rachael) should stop it. What they claim Dr Ville is doing in his lab with his undergraduates is atomically impossible anyway.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I am *not* gay.

If I were to make a list of people who weren't gay, Dr Ville's name would certainly be near the top of that list, written in a firm, manly hand, and using a heterosexual-coloured ink. When I'm discussing straight, manly topics of conversation, and Dr Ville's name is mentioned, I often refer to him as Dr Ville, the straight guy who's not gay. Why, sometimes I don't even have to go that far, I just say "you know, that not-gay guy", and people instantly know what I mean. That's how not gay he is (or should I say how gay he isn't? It's a semantic minefield.) If, in the course of his manly, non-gay scientific studies, Dr Ville were to invent some kind of an "oppositron", which turned everything into his exact opposite, and run Liberace through it, he himself would most likely come out of the other end. Now that's what I call not gay.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: I am *not* gay.

Just like Dr E.C.Ville a couple of my good friends are "not gay" also. They hold regular "not gay" prayer meetings.
Personally I won't have anything to do with the nasty little queers. They make my stomach turn.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: I am *not* gay.

Like every True Christian™ Republican knows, cleanliness is next to Godliness. Just because Republicans like to pick up scraps of paper in public restrooms, or for that matter in a public park, does not mean they are gay. And should a Republican want to check the bottom of a stall to make sure some heathen might have left some chewing gum there does not mean they are gay. Tapping your foot to some lively Gospel music does not mean you are gay as well.

I just think everyone should take a wide stance on not being gay lest someone think we are stalling on this issue.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: I am *not* gay.

Very well then. I, most assuredly, am not gay. I use sex for the purposes of procreation only, not for sinful wanton enjoyment. Furthermore I frown upon those who seek to fornicate, I frown upon adulterers, and I reserve my most vocal condemnation for the sex crazed aids infested queers who want to convert good honest christian men to their deathstyle.
The only reason I have any sort of sex at all is that the bible commands me to make children with my wife. Thats how Not Gay I am.