Would you like to meet my patient?

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

I have a patient who really wants to join us online. He says he has Obama's real birth certificate, and the inside story of Acorn, and so on. I have a hard time understanding what he says since he talks so fast, but I get if he types it will be very enlightening. The reason I'm asking is because I'm not sure if he's a True Christian. I asked him if knew about Jesus and he said they "hang out", whatever that means.

Would you like to meet him?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

Dr Laurie! Good to hear from you. I hope you've not got into any trouble or anything recently.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

Would you like to meet him?

Indeed! He sounds a little eccentric, but everyone has their quirks, I suppose.

[Sister Charli]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

I asked him if knew about Jesus and he said they "hang out", whatever that means.

I'm hoping that it wasn't at Calvary that they hung out together.

[landoverlover]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

I have a patient who really wants to join us online. He says he has Obama's real birth certificate, and the inside story of Acorn, and so on. I have a hard time understanding what he says since he talks so fast, but I get if he types it will be very enlightening. The reason I'm asking is because I'm not sure if he's a True Christian. I asked him if knew about Jesus and he said they "hang out", whatever that means.

Also, he talks about chocolate-coated bacon. A lot.

Would you like to meet him?

So, do you want us to "put him to the question" as they said during the Inquisition? Are you tasking us with determining whether he is a for-real Christian, or are we just going to chat for the pleasure of chatting?

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

are we just going to chat for the pleasure of chatting?

That would be best. I find that he tends to be least violent after he "gets something off his chest" (so to speak - if he ever offers to tell his story about his sex-change operation after he got turned into a triple-breasted Martian prostitute, tell him you have urgent business to attend to and back off slowly.)

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

Wait, I think I know this guy. He's a heavy tither, and that's all anyone needs to know.

His first cheque was for (I quote) "One Thousand quinquagintatrecentillion Neptunian love-credits (10 to the power of 2103 )" but after discussing exchange rates with an allegedly invisible slug in a langauge consisting of armpit-farts, he donated in American currency.

[_The Earthling_]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

I meant to type my name as _The Earthling_ but my egotistical hyperintelligent parasite* used his connections in the Big Nanobot Lobby to infect my computer with a virus which it spread to a robot who infected me with a real virus which highjacked my fingers at the vital moment.

(*who I call "ear-thing" even though most of the time doesn't actually live up my ear....I call him that because it's just more polite than the accurate alternative.)

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

That's right....Just let it all out now.

[_The Earthling_]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

Just let it all out now.

Do you really want to know the truth? For if you took the shortest peek through the tiniest hole into THE REALITY and say the tiniest sliver of truth, the horrors and insanities of THE REALITY would turn you into a gibbering mass of skin-tearing, self-biting MADNESS! Yet you crave it! CRAVE IT!

Yes, that's right: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I know whom of you are secret androids from planet Gkzkyazkokyz, which of you are holograms from the United Galaxies Under the Weevil God, which of you are the mass-hypnoticic hallusinations of the black-hole dwelling hive-mind of the Confederation of Time-Traveling UberPengiuns. You're not fooling ANYONE!

Brace yourself for the tale of how I, the last true earthling on this decayed simulacrum, became the C.E.O. of the UNIVERSE, collapsed under the weight of my own glory, and why I now wait, in the place you called Freehold Iowa, Earth, Milky Way.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

Is it too late to invest in tin foil and duct tape?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

secret androids from planet Gkzkyazkokyz

How is the weather on Gkzkyazkokyz?

the Confederation of Time-Traveling UberPengiuns

Those must do great on the stock market!

And welcome to our friendly forum! You seem to be progressing nicely. Did you meet Sledge Riprock yet? I think you two would have a lot to talk about as he is from the future himself.

[_The Earthling_]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

Those must do great on the stock market!

Tell me about it. They're the ones who told me to short-sell on the Bank of Neptune just before the massive deflation kicked in. But I don't need to tell YOU about this brother, or should I say, Quack *waddle waddle* Quack.

[Speedy]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

I like you. You seem to be pretty nice to hang out with.

Ps: Do not joke about those ubverpengiuns, those bastards are teaching little children how to eat soup with chopsticks.

I also would like to tell you that this man is speaking the geniune truth.
He however is omitting some important details, mostly about the location of said ubver penguins. They have also migrated to antarctica and hide between the regular innocent penguins.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Would you like to meet my patient?

or should I say, Quack *waddle waddle* Quack

I think you should indeed. Which reminds me I have to shoot some ducks for dinner.