Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

[Missionary in Sweden]

I'm having trouble with my Russian mail-order wife, Svetlana. Everything is great except that she keeps running away from time to time. I do beat her quite a lot, but she still seems discontent.

I've been pondering on buying one of those electrical invisible fences for dogs. This one especially:

http://www.k9electronics.com/DE-Systems-Border-Patrol-TC1-Contain-Train-and-Track.html

Have any of you had any experience with putting it on your wife? Have your husband put one on you and did it work?

And most importantly, is this in accordance with the Bible? I've done my best in finding passages either condoning or prohibiting such a device, but am none the wiser.

Please help a fellow Christian.

Praise the Lord.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

I have them for my children. All on the same frequency. If one is bad, all get punished. I rarely have to use it as the kids seem to resolve issues before I have a chance to grab the remote.
I used one on my wife when she was going through her rebellious late teens. The only side effects were the smell, the burn dots on her neck and a twitch (still there today) each time I speak.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Revelation 20:14-15
14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
15 And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.

2 Peter 2:9
The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:

Ephesians 6:5
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;

Galatians 5:19-21
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Romans 1:28
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

2 Peter 2:4
For if God spared not the angels that sinned, but cast them down to hell, and delivered them into chains of darkness, to be reserved unto judgment;

Show your wife and your family you care. Get involved. Do not let transgressions slip.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

I'm having trouble with my Russian mail-order wife, Svetlana. Everything is great except that she keeps running away from time to time. I do beat her quite a lot, but she still seems discontent.

I've been pondering on buying one of those electrical invisible fences for dogs. This one especially:

http://www.k9electronics.com/DE-Systems-Border-Patrol-TC1-Contain-Train-and-Track.html

Have any of you had any experience with putting it on your wife? Have your husband put one on you and did it work?

And most importantly, is this in accordance with the Bible? I've done my best in finding passages either condoning or prohibiting such a device, but am none the wiser.

Please help a fellow Christian.

Praise the Lord.

I have no direct experience with electric dog collar usage, but I find that quiet time in a dark room with forced nudity does wonders for quelling arguments, especially at a certain time of the month. It wasn't necessary all that often, but when the misses would get out of control, she really needed correction. Hence, the quiet time.

Purchase a menstra-shack. One can be converted into a great quiet dark room, and at little cost.

Pastor Ed

[Missionary in Sweden]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Thanks for the replies. Now I'm eagerly awaiting the package in the mail.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Thanks for the replies. Now I'm eagerly awaiting the package in the mail.

I've asked one or two Russian women about this overnight who suggested that if you operate the remote device, and since Russians find electricity an aphrodisiac, she would devlop positively reinforced conditioned responses associated with disobedience. Combined with the fact that you are her husband it may result that she

1. stay near you at all times (so that you can see what she's doing)
2. continually disobey you or otherwise act in a provocative way to get her reward

Perhaps if you replaced the remote control with a decibel meter which could be riveted together as a single compact unit that outcome might be prevented?

In Australia we would tend to recommend an electric cattle prod in your situation. The forked tip of this model

would be quite versatile, they said, and usnig solar power would mean that you could remove the handle (the unit fits snugly in the small of the back, you can see the wire running off in the image [below] and there is a handy instruction screen [if she can read])



That is the compact unit. Russian women change shape over time, they cautioned me, and my friend may like to consider a more modest version (depending on climate). They showed me some pictures and said I could send you this one: as you can see the young couple have attained connubial bliss (with the solar unit adequate for future figure enhancement) as I am sure is your objective, Mr Zoidberg.

Additional pictures would incur a small charge they said, but I have no idea why they were spruiking electric cattle prods at a railway station at 3 a.m. especially since they took the track up some time ago.

Russians!

[Missionary in Sweden]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Thanks for the advice. Yes, Russians are very dumb. Poor understanding of God's favourite language. She can only read her native primitive language... They don't even have proper letters.

But I'm confident I'll be able to keep her slim, since I controll what she's allowed to eat.

A good thing about the solar panel is that it'll be an effective way of keeping her indoors, since whenever she's outdoors too much she'll get a shock. I'll think about that.

Good that you warned me about Russian women's ability to enjoy electrical shocks sexually. Makes sense. It's a perverted and depraved people. Maybe if I jack the shocks up to max it'll be too painful for her to ever develop tolerance?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Thanks for the advice. Yes, Russians are very dumb. Poor understanding of God's favourite language. She can only read her native primitive language... They don't even have proper letters.

But I'm confident I'll be able to keep her slim, since I controll what she's allowed to eat.

A good thing about the solar panel is that it'll be an effective way of keeping her indoors, since whenever she's outdoors too much she'll get a shock. I'll think about that.

Good that you warned me about Russian women's ability to enjoy electrical shocks sexually. Makes sense. It's a perverted and depraved people. Maybe if I jack the shocks up to max it'll be too painful for her to ever develop tolerance?

That Russian against the yellow background. Did you spot the intensity adjustment clipped to the waistband? It's just there so you can see it and the dial, she said, instantly adjusts Mrs Zoidberg's maximum decibel output (after which she get some voltage to the kidneys); obviously she would not have access to that herself.

I was not offering advice as such, Mr Zoid - just relaying those comments since I happened to meet them last night. Or this morning.

[Rapture Eddie]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Ever considered a Tazer?

[Missionary in Sweden]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Here's an update. I put the electric dog collar on my wife. The good news is that she hasn't run away once since I put it on. The bad news is that she's unable to leave the home without getting an electric shock. So I have to do the effeminate task of buying groceries. Quite humiliating and I do punish her for it.

I've also made a habit of beating her with a cane every night in the cellar. The combination of the dog collar and the beating has made her quite docile and harmonious. I'd say she's turning out to be a great wife and life partner.

I also suspect she's pregnant now! Which certainly is good news. But I won't be using any of those satanic pregnancy tests. So sooner or later I'll see if that belly starts growing with another soldier for Christ.

Thanks for all the feedback!

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Oh, how I wish I had seen this earlier. You should have gone with the Tri-tronics/Garmin (same company now) Best collar on the market.


As for Brother Hutchins, the Garmin Astro can connect 9 collars and has a 9 mile range on the GPS. It's expensive, but I know you can afford it.

[Missionary in Sweden]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Oh, how I wish I had seen this earlier. You should have gone with the Tri-tronics/Garmin (same company now) Best collar on the market.


As for Brother Hutchins, the Garmin Astro can connect 9 collars and has a 9 mile range on the GPS. It's expensive, but I know you can afford it.

Thanks for the tip anyway.

[I am legendary boob]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

I'm having trouble with my Russian mail-order wife, Svetlana. Everything is great except that she keeps running away from time to time. I do beat her quite a lot, but she still seems discontent.

I've been pondering on buying one of those electrical invisible fences for dogs. This one especially:

http://www.k9electronics.com/DE-Systems-Border-Patrol-TC1-Contain-Train-and-Track.html

Have any of you had any experience with putting it on your wife? Have your husband put one on you and did it work?

And most importantly, is this in accordance with the Bible? I've done my best in finding passages either condoning or prohibiting such a device, but am none the wiser.

Please help a fellow Christian.

Praise the Lord.

Kill yourself.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Kill yourself.

Deuteronomy 5:17 Thou shalt not kill. KING JAMES BIBLE - AUTHORIZED VERSION

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

My only concern with this is the vibrate setting. Some women are depraved and have base instincts like beasts of the field. You would need to ensure that the contraption cannot be removed from the neck and moved to other parts of the body to work as Satan's fingers. You wouldn't want to find out your mail order bride had been deliberately spending time at the border zone for her own deviant desires.

If one man had not bought sin into the world these things would not be a concern.

Secure the collar well and keep it on the static shock setting.

1 Corinthians 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

YIC

Jack

[Mrs.Elizabeth]

Re: Electric dog collar för my disobedient wife

Adam usually uses a tazer when I misbehave, is very simple, he only push my head against the floor or the wall and he press the little thing in my back, in my butt, my legs, everywhere he thinks I need it. Is quite painful, but I understand is needed and is for my own good, he also use it with our daughters when they burn a cake, don't clean the house or forget anything else. Is incredible how useful that little thing can be, just a week after he bought it our behaviour changed really fast