Day 100. 1 Kings 13-15

[Brother V]

1 Kings 13-15

Today we get:

• The man of God
• Jeroboam's son
• Kings kings kings kings kings

1 Kings 13

1 And, behold, there came a man of God out of Judah by the word of the LORD unto Bethel: and Jeroboam stood by the altar to burn incense.

Remember Jeroboam built himself two altars one in Bethel, the other in Dan.

2 And he cried against the altar in the word of the LORD, and said, O altar, altar, thus saith the LORD; Behold, a child shall be born unto the house of David, Josiah by name; and upon thee shall he offer the priests of the high places that burn incense upon thee, and men's bones shall be burnt upon thee.

So the man of the LORD prophesies that Josiah will burn men's bones on the altar, and he'll also destroy the other priests.

3 And he gave a sign the same day, saying, This is the sign which the LORD hath spoken; Behold, the altar shall be rent, and the ashes that are upon it shall be poured out.

To prove that what he said was true, he promised that the altar would break.

4 And it came to pass, when king Jeroboam heard the saying of the man of God, which had cried against the altar in Bethel, that he put forth his hand from the altar, saying, Lay hold on him. And his hand, which he put forth against him, dried up, so that he could not pull it in again to him.

Jeroboam grabs the man of God, and when he does, his hand is struck with palsy and he can't do anything. This really freaks out the king, and he begs to get his hand back. So the man of the LORD pleads with God to give Jeroboam back his hand, and God does.

Oh, and the altar broke too.

Jeroboam then asks the guy to go back with him, and he'll give him food and drink.

Well, the man of the LORD was told that he couldn't eat or drink in the northern kingdom, and had to wait until he got back to Judah, and he had to take a different route back to Judah.

11 Now there dwelt an old prophet in Bethel; and his sons came and told him all the works that the man of God had done that day in Bethel: the words which he had spoken unto the king, them they told also to their father.

Well, the prophet asked the guy of God to go eat with him, saying that God had told him to feed him. So guy of God goes and eats. While they are eating, the prophet started prophesying.

21 And he cried unto the man of God that came from Judah, saying, Thus saith the LORD, Forasmuch as thou hast disobeyed the mouth of the LORD, and hast not kept the commandment which the LORD thy God commanded thee,

22 But camest back, and hast eaten bread and drunk water in the place, of the which the Lord did say to thee, Eat no bread, and drink no water; thy carcase shall not come unto the sepulchre of thy fathers.

He gets done eating his last meal, and starts on his way home, and a lion attacks and kills him.

The old prophet hears of this, goes to find him, and the mans donkey is just standing there on one side of the carcass, and the lion is sitting there on the other.

28 And he went and found his carcase cast in the way, and the ass and the lion standing by the carcase: the lion had not eaten the carcase, nor torn the ass.

Who says that animals only kill for food or when threatened? This lion clearly was used as a tool of the LORD to kill. It wasn't satan who made the lion attack, it was GOD! These are the things that happen when you don't follow the commandments of the LORD. When bad things happen, it's God who allows or even makes it happen! remember that.

So the prophet picks up the corpse, and buries it in his tomb. He then instructs his children that when he dies, he is to be buried next to the guy of God. He should feel kind of guilty as it was his lie that made the guy of God die.

33 After this thing Jeroboam returned not from his evil way, but made again of the lowest of the people priests of the high places: whosoever would, he consecrated him, and he became one of the priests of the high places.

Jeroboam is a dumbass!

1 Kings 14

1 At that time Abijah the son of Jeroboam fell sick.

I'm sure Jeroboam tried praying to his dead false gods to fix Abijah, and they weren't answering. So he did the only logical thing.

2 And Jeroboam said to his wife, Arise, I pray thee, and disguise thyself, that thou be not known to be the wife of Jeroboam; and get thee to Shiloh: behold, there is Ahijah the prophet, which told me that I should be king over this people.

3 And take with thee ten loaves, and cracknels, and a cruse of honey, and go to him: he shall tell thee what shall become of the child.

He probably figured that Ahijah owed him, since he ripped his new shirt. So Jeroboam's wife goes off to see Ahijah on behalf of Abijah.

She's all disguised so no one recognizes her, but before she gets there, the LORD tells Ahijah that she's coming and to say some things to her. (Oh, and Ahijah is blind)

10 Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.


God will kill all the disrespecters of Jeroboam, those that "pisseth against the wall".

12 Arise thou therefore, get thee to thine own house: and when thy feet enter into the city, the child shall die.

Now why was the child sick and going to die? Because of Jeroboam's sins. Again we see the LORD punishing a man by taking away his child.

Ahijah then says that Israel will be smited because they followed other gods.

Jeroboam's wife leaves, gets home and the kid dies.

20 And the days which Jeroboam reigned were two and twenty years: and he slept with his fathers, and Nadab his son reigned in his stead.

Jeroboam was king of the northern tribes for 22 years.

The second king of the north was Nadab.

Meanwhile, back in Judah; Rehoboam was the king.

22 And Judah did evil in the sight of the LORD, and they provoked him to jealousy with their sins which they had committed, above all that their fathers had done.

Dang those joos! Can't they go for even 100 years without turning their backs on God?

They built altars to other gods, and planted groves!

24 And there were also sodomites in the land: and they did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.

Sodomites! Can you imagine! I thank God all the time that I don't know any faggots or homers! God punishes people for even knowing nancy boys!

During Rehoboam's fifth year as king, Egypt attacked and looted Jerusalem and took all the gold stuff from the temple. They even took those gold shields.

So Rehoboam built brass shields.

During Rehoboam's reign, they fought against Jeroboam.

After his reign, Abijam became king.

Jeroboam's reign overlapped Abijam's.

1 Kings 15

Meanwhile, during Abijam's reign of Judah...

3 And he walked in all the sins of his father, which he had done before him: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.

So he let those fags run wild in Judah too.

4 Nevertheless for David's sake did the LORD his God give him a lamp in Jerusalem, to set up his son after him, and to establish Jerusalem:

God liked David so much, he let his grandkids be horrible leaders.

5 Because David did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD, and turned not aside from any thing that he commanded him all the days of his life, save only in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.

You know, sending him to die, while he made his wife pregnant... that matter.

Abijam dies.

8 And Abijam slept with his fathers; and they buried him in the city of David: and Asa his son reigned in his stead.

The next king of Judah is Asa.

This is STILL during Jeroboam's reign of terror.

11 And Asa did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD, as did David his father.

Finally, a king who will get the people back to worshiping God, the way he wants to be worshiped.

His first act would have to be the best one. Get rid of the fags!

12 And he took away the sodomites out of the land, and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.

Then get rid of the idols; finally tear down all the temples in the high places.

14 But the high places were not removed: nevertheless Asa's heart was perfect with the LORD all his days.

Ok, well, maybe not get rid of the high places.

16 And there was war between Asa and Baasha king of Israel all their days.

Who the hell is Baasha? He's the next ruler of the north.

24 And Asa slept with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David his father: and Jehoshaphat his son reigned in his stead.

Asa is followed by jumpin Jehoshaphat.

Back to more of the things that happened during Asa's reign.

25 And Nadab the son of Jeroboam began to reign over Israel in the second year of Asa king of Judah, and reigned over Israel two years.

Nadab is still king, man this jumps around...

26 And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin wherewith he made Israel to sin.

So Nadab is no better than Jeroboam.

27 And Baasha the son of Ahijah, of the house of Issachar, conspired against him; and Baasha smote him at Gibbethon, which belonged to the Philistines; for Nadab and all Israel laid siege to Gibbethon.

Baasha (the basher!) kills Nadab, and just for fun, wipes Jeroboam's family off the map.

29 And it came to pass, when he reigned, that he smote all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD, which he spake by his servant Ahijah the Shilonite:

So Baasha takes over as king.

34 And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin wherewith he made Israel to sin.

Ultimately, he's no better.

So what have we learned today?

1. From the split of the nations, there was only one king with a perfect heart (you know, like David's).
2. Baasha fulfilled promises, but then wasn't any better.
3. When God tells you not to eat bread in a place, don't do it, or more than likely a lion will kill you.

YIC
V

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Day 100. 1 Kings 13-15

10 Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.

God will kill all the disrespecters of Jeroboam, those that "pisseth against the wall".

I don't want to belabor a point that Brother V, with his usual wit and penetrating intellect, has made clear, but this is a special focus of my Evangelism. Please don't piss on walls, it imperils your immortal soul.

Have The Jews Learned Not To Lose Books Of The Bible Yet?

And the rest of the acts of Jeroboam, how he warred, and how he reigned, behold, they are written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Israel. 1 Kings 14:19

Well, we have Chronicles. And we have Kings. But we don't have the Chronicles of the Kings of Isreael. Now we will never know the rest of the acts of Jeroboam. Dammit, the Jews lost another book of the Bible! Probably the book wherein God explained how to achieve world peace.

Surely By Now They Have Learned Their Lesson

Now the rest of the acts of Rehoboam, and all that he did, are they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Judah? 1 Kings 14:29

Oh no!!!! We don't have the Chronicles of the Kings of Judah, either. How many books of the Bible are these idiot Jews going to lose?

Who's Your Granddaddy?

Now in the eighteenth year of king Jeroboam the son of Nebat reigned Abijam over Judah. Three years reigned he in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Maachah, the daughter of Abishalom. 1 Kings 15:1-2

And in the twentieth year of Jeroboam king of Israel reigned Asa over Judah. And forty and one years reigned he in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Maachah, the daughter of Abishalom. 1 Kings 15:9-10

Now in the eighteenth year of king Jeroboam began Abijah to reign over Judah. He reigned three years in Jerusalem. His mother's name also was Michaiah the daughter of Uriel. 2 Chronicles 13:1-2

Here's as sordid tale of forbidden lust as any you'll see in the Bible.

Abishalom and Uriel were a gay couple who adopted Michaiah. They were wiped out in one of the abomination purges.

Michaiah later married her son, Abijam, who reigned over Judah for three years, starting in the eightheenth year of King Jeroboam the son of Nebat.

Michaiah bore Abijam (who was her son) a son of his own, Asa, who reigned over Judah forty and one years after the death of his father/brother Abijam.

Did Asa remove the High Places?

But the high places were not taken away out of Israel: nevertheless the heart of Asa was perfect all his days. 1 Kings 15:14

And Asa did that which was good and right in the eyes of the LORD his God... Also he took away out of all the cities of Judah the high places. 2 Chronicles 14:2-5

But the high places were not taken away out of Israel: nevertheless the heart of Asa was perfect all his days. 2 Chronicles 15:17

Asa removed the High Places from Judah. He didn't remove the high places from Israel. He could hardly have done that, since he was King of Judah, not King of Israel. God simply wanted us to understand that Asa was only King of Judah, that's why he had the scribe mention the high places of Israel in 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles.

Was The Heart Of Asa Perfect?

The heart of Asa was perfect all his days. 2 Chronicles 15:17

Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah, and said unto him, Because thou hast relied on the king of Syria, and not relied on the LORD thy God, therefore is the host of the king of Syria escaped out of thine hand. 2 Chronicles 16:7

Asa's heart was perfect all his days. Sometimes, however, his judgment left much to be desired.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Day 100. 1 Kings 13-15

Well, the man of the LORD was told that he couldn't eat or drink in the northern kingdom, and had to wait until he got back to Judah, and he had to take a different route back to Judah.

11 Now there dwelt an old prophet in Bethel; and his sons came and told him all the works that the man of God had done that day in Bethel: the words which he had spoken unto the king, them they told also to their father.

Well, the prophet asked the guy of God to go eat with him, saying that God had told him to feed him. So guy of God goes and eats. While they are eating, the prophet started prophesying.

21 And he cried unto the man of God that came from Judah, saying, Thus saith the LORD, Forasmuch as thou hast disobeyed the mouth of the LORD, and hast not kept the commandment which the LORD thy God commanded thee,

22 But camest back, and hast eaten bread and drunk water in the place, of the which the Lord did say to thee, Eat no bread, and drink no water; thy carcase shall not come unto the sepulchre of thy fathers.

He gets done eating his last meal, and starts on his way home, and a lion attacks and kills him.

The old prophet hears of this, goes to find him, and the mans donkey is just standing there on one side of the carcass, and the lion is sitting there on the other.

28 And he went and found his carcase cast in the way, and the ass and the lion standing by the carcase: the lion had not eaten the carcase, nor torn the ass.

Who says that animals only kill for food or when threatened? This lion clearly was used as a tool of the LORD to kill. It wasn't satan who made the lion attack, it was GOD! These are the things that happen when you don't follow the commandments of the LORD. When bad things happen, it's God who allows or even makes it happen! remember that.

So the prophet picks up the corpse, and buries it in his tomb. He then instructs his children that when he dies, he is to be buried next to the guy of God. He should feel kind of guilty as it was his lie that made the guy of God die.

That lie is very important:
15 Then he said unto him, Come home with me, and eat bread.
16 And he said, I may not return with thee, nor go in with thee: neither will I eat bread nor drink water with thee in this place:
17 For it was said to me by the word of the LORD, Thou shalt eat no bread nor drink water there, nor turn again to go by the way that thou camest.
18 He said unto him, I am a prophet also as thou art; and an angel spake unto me by the word of the LORD, saying, Bring him back with thee into thine house, that he may eat bread and drink water. But he lied unto him.

The Man of God didn't deliberately disobey God, he was tricked into doing it. He genuinely thought God wanted him to go back with the false prophet and eat with him. Doesn't matter what your intentions are, or how sincerely you believe you're doing the right thing, if you do something God doesn't want you to, He'll kill you. Further discussion of this subject can be found here.

24 And there were also sodomites in the land: and they did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.

Sodomites! Can you imagine! I thank God all the time that I don't know any faggots or homers! God punishes people for even knowing nancy boys!

This is why I'm always shocked when people suggest that we should tolerate homerism, despite the masses of Biblical evidence clearly showing that passive tolerance of sodomy is far more dangerous than any so-called "passive smoking". For these queers to endanger everyone around them with their queerness is just selfish and rude. Do they want the terrorists to win?

1. From the split of the nations, there was only one king with a perfect heart (you know, like David's).
2. Baasha fulfilled promises, but then wasn't any better.
3. When God tells you not to eat bread in a place, don't do it, or more than likely a lion will kill you.

4. Living near fags is dangerous.
5. If you genuinely, sincerely believe you're doing God's will, He's still liable to kill you for disobeying Him anyway. FALSE CHRISTIANS BEWARE!