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Re: God likes a good fart!
will the Lord welcome me as well ma'am?
will the Lord welcome me as well ma'am?
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This space is reserved for KJV use ONLY, and not some dimwitted Pulp Fiction baloney. -
Re: God likes a good fart!
Try it. Post an introduction.Originally posted by smartwhiteguy View PostComment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
As the man of the house I of course make the rules. Rule #6 We are meat eaters. The only vegetables we consume are potatos; mashed, baked, or hash browned. Never cut into a "French Fry"; I will allow and encourage the frying of foods but Never into anything with a French name, and never in a shape resembling a small penis.Originally posted by HTannor View Post
Karen made two mistakes in the first year of our marriage. #1 Telling me that lack of green vegetables made her constipated. ( PURE VEGAN HERACY ) #2 Going against God's will and sneaking some sort of fiber laxative into MY home and MY Wifes body.
She unleashed what can only be described as "Demonic death wind" out from under her floor length dress. And worse, it was what the kids call a "Shart".
The moral to this story is this: After a Godly Christian beating, being douced in bleach, and a few weeks in a local hospital ( Under protective custody, I am glad the local police were there to protect me from her sinful ways )... Well the woman I saw walking barefoot down the dirt road to my house was truly changed. She hasnt spoken a word in months, she hardly eats. The kids help change her colostomy bag, farting is a gift God has taken away from her.
Use it, dont abuse it ladies.Comment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
As I always say do not apologize for a normal bodily function.Comment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
Hi SC2005,Originally posted by SavedbyCalvary2005 View Post
Did you ever get an erection in Church during a thunderous sermon or the preaching on the Song of Solomon?Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.Comment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
I wonder if the stench of expelled flatus is as pleasing to the Lord as the aroma of burning dead animals?Genesis 8:20-21
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Re: God likes a good fart!
Technically, you'd be right. Fart gas is rich in sulfur dioxide, a chemical known for its di*stinked*(badum-tss!) odor.Originally posted by Witch Hammer View PostI wonder if the stench of expelled flatus is as pleasing to the Lord as the aroma of burning dead animals?Genesis 8:20-21
Meat is literally a carefully burned animal corpse(unless you prefer your meat raw, which is not only disgusting but dangerous). It also contains lots of sulfur dioxide, which is liberated from the meat's molecular structure during digestion.
Ipso facto, if you fart after eating meat, it would smell similar to if you lobbed those choice cuts into the grill you cooked it on.This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMINComment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
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Re: God likes a good fart!
This makes me intensely curious, even more so! After all, as God is three beings in one, how does He fart? Does He share one ***removed potty language*** with the other two beings?
Looking forward to an answer from the Informed,
Naomi the Butthole-Fetishist
Retard in the Church of SatanMalachi 2:3
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.Comment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
Originally posted by Naomi Forest View Post
Have you tried researching Scripture to find an answer to your unhealthy fascination with this subject?sigpicComment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
The Holy Bible is all the Information you need dear, and it's perfectly accessible. Exodus chapter 33 (Exodus 33:21-23 specifically) shows that the LORD allowed Moses to see His Glorious Backside, but Moses didn't tell anyone about it. He doesn't kiss and tell, so to speak.Originally posted by Naomi Forest View PostHello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: God likes a good fart!
Indeed. I have read the Bible, but as a stout devouter of the Church of Satan, I desire endless knowledge of various kinds of ***idiotic potty language removed*** subjects, including the Lord's Holy ***more potty language removed***. I need to know more, more and more. For I am Naomi the Butthole Fetishist, Retard of the Church of Satan, and Knowledge is unknown to me.Malachi 2:3
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.Comment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
How immensely strange that my name has turned pink! Pink has always been my favorite color and I am immensely pleased by this. May I inquire as to what prompted this gracious change?Malachi 2:3
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.Comment
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Re: God likes a good fart!
No.Originally posted by Naomi the Butthole-Fetishist View Post
Actually, you may not.
James 4:3
Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
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Re: God likes a good fart!
Originally posted by I-Hate-Juice View PostMy wife is very understanding of my high devotion towards following the Holy Book to the word, and therefore she promised to start making me beans with peas more often.
I have to start practicing on getting my "harp" into tune
Thanks for this, yet another, very informative post Brother!
YiC
Paavali
Good luck YiC! God does want us to be healthy and happy. That's for sure. Not sure if I would glorify our bodily functions though . . . Keep in mind, there is a reason 'waste' is expelled rather than the other way around. God bless
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