X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 5
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 template Next
  • #1

    I had an erection in church

    Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.

    It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.

    I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.

    I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.

    How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?
    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
    Tags: church, erection in church:watch out, tallywackers
  • #2
    Re: I had an erection in church

    I noticed it from up in my pulpit, brother, but wasn't going to say anything about it. Very impressive by the way.

    It must have been embarrassing to have your erection seen by thousands on the church Jumbo tron(c).
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I had an erection in church

      It's just not the image that I want to portray when I'm at church.
      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I had an erection in church

        I noticed you fidgeting with something, but I couldn't tell what. I assumed it was a church bulletin or hymnal.

        I'm sorry to find out that it was indeed an erection, and I will pray that GOD helps you overcome the temptation to have bodily functions in church.

        The concern here is not only that you had an erection, but that you fell asleep to begin with. Was Pastor Zeke's sermon that boring?
        sigpic
        The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
        - Proverbs 15:3

        CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


        CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I had an erection in church

          Originally posted by Bob4God View Post
          Was Pastor Zeke's sermon that boring?
          I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I had an erection in church

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.
            Indeed, the Song of Solomon definitely has that effect on a person. I oftentimes feel a stirring in my loins whilst I read. I'm certain that God means for this to happen, I believe it's the Holy Spirit physically moving in me since I have no control over "the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same," but! "the LORD's name is to be praised." I'd suggest to be more prepared when you know Pastor Ezekiel will be preaching on the Song of Solomon. As a fellow man, I know nothing can stop the erection during the sermon, it's just not possible. I do sometimes intentionally keep my Bible opened on my lap during the service, and then if the erection is still there at the end of the service, I just fold my suit coat over my arm so that it covers the front of me. It doesn't have to be embarrassing. I'm certainly surprised that you managed to fall asleep during the sermon. I felt the Holy Spirit moving through me from the moment I saw the bulletin with Pastor Ezekiel's sermon title.
            Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13



            Run to the KJV1611!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I had an erection in church

              My father didn't allow me to read what is in this thread but he told me to say that I am no longer allowed to sit on Nobar's lap and listen to his stories. This makes me a little sad, since his stories are very big and always give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.
              I Jesus!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I had an erection in church

                Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.
                Thats such a sex aspiring book of the Bible.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I had an erection in church

                  Originally posted by Felicity View Post
                  My father didn't allow me to read what is in this thread but he told me to say that I am no longer allowed to sit on Nobar's lap and listen to his stories. This makes me a little sad, since his stories are very big and always give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.
                  OUT!
                  Latest Headlines From Sheriff's Office:

                  Sheriff Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids

                  Sheriff Richards Busts Up Satanic Cult Operating out of local Haunted House

                  Sheriff Richards a Hero for saving Dying Man

                  Sheriff Richards Schools the Amish in Scripture

                  7 Year-Old Coveter Learns the Hard Way

                  Sheriff Richards cleans up 4-way stop

                  Sheriff Richards busts Arch Nemesis, Shane!

                  FPD to Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus Ordinance

                  Sheriff Don W. Richards Cleans Up County Roads

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I had an erection in church

                    Brother Nobar, was that you?

                    I saw a video on YouTube of an older gentleman wrestling with something in his pants while at church, but his face wasn't visible.

                    They've since taken it down.
                    Bible boring? Nonsense!
                    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I had an erection in church

                      Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                      Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.

                      It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.

                      I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.

                      I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.

                      How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?
                      It takes courage to come out and tell us about this situation. Remember, do what is right for Him. God will be proud of you.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: I had an erection in church

                        Brother Nobar the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had my wife on one side and Sister Thumper on the other side. Pastor Zeke was in the middle of a thunderous sermon on the evils of slutty females when it just happened. I could not get up and I did not want the Ladies to see my boner so I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: I had an erection in church

                          Originally posted by James Dewitt View Post
                          Brother Nobar the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had my wife on one side and Sister Thumper on the other side. Pastor Zeke was in the middle of a thunderous sermon on the evils of slutty females when it just happened. I could not get up and I did not want the Ladies to see my boner so I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!
                          Brother, as surely as GOD was elated and thrilled by the suffering His son experienced while being impaled on the cross, so too is He pleased at the physical suffering you have endured for His sake.
                          sigpic
                          The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
                          - Proverbs 15:3

                          CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


                          CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: I had an erection in church

                            The openness of this church amazes me. We're not even allowed to talk about penis in the church or any other sexual related things. I see the difference here. You're really seeking the Word of God together and encouraging each other to walk the righteous way. So inspiring.
                            Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.
                            Psalm 119:11

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: I had an erection in church

                              Originally posted by Unworthy View Post
                              The openness of this church amazes me. We're not even allowed to talk about penis in the church or any other sexual related things. I see the difference here. You're really seeking the Word of God together and encouraging each other to walk the righteous way. So inspiring.
                              Well Pastor Zeke encourages us to open ourselves to The Lord. Sometimes it can be a real face full but in intimation of Him we take it in.

                              Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                              Hot Must ReadThreads!


                              Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 4 5 template Next
                              Working...
                              X