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  • Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

    Deuteronomy 4:2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.

    Well, the darwinistas have finally gone and done it. They have had the demonic audacity to commit blasphemy by rewriting Gods Holy Word. As if they weren't in trouble enough, they are now claiming that Jesus' mother was a GORILLA!

    New 'Bible' says Christ born of gorilla, not virgin
    A new, lavishly illustrated book – described by its marketer as a "postmodern" edition of the Bible – takes Darwin's theory of evolution as gospel and presents Jesus as being born, "not to a virgin, but to a gorilla."

    According to Ruth Rimm, Bronx school teacher and book artist, her version of the Scriptures – titled "Lost Spiritual World" – "explores the emergence of a new global spirituality that mixes the best of each wisdom tradition with the latest findings in psychology, quantum physics, neuroscience, and linguistics."

    Rimm includes parables not found in Mark, such as the Parable of the Dolphin, the Parable of the Snow Leopard and the Parable of the Gorilla, which are illustrated in a series of irreverent videos available on YouTube as part of the book's marketing campaign.

    The Parable of the Gorilla begins with a Renaissance painting of Mary and baby Jesus. The voice over by a stand up comedian begins:


    He was born in a manger a long time ago – not to a virgin – but to a gorilla. What's so funny? Who did you expect his ancestors to look like, Tom Cruise?

    But wait. I'm not making fun of Jesus. I'm not mocking religion. In fact, from the deepest wellspring of my heart, I'm despairing something we've lost in our scientific culture.

    Yes, if Jesus was alive today, he would understand that his ancestors, just like ours, were beasts.

    Despite it's focus on Mark's gospel, "Lost Spiritual World" includes quotes from the Dalai Lama, Rabbi Michael Lerner and self-help gurus Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins.

    "We all want to be a part of a spiritual community and to do good works," said Rimm. "And science, for all its accomplishments, has yet to find a replacement [for religion]."

    "'The Lost Spiritual World' is unlike any book you've ever seen," she said on her website. "For one thing, it's not shaped like a rectangle. In Greek, the word orthodox means 'straight thinking.' But according to the fundamentalist thought police, I don't think straight. I'm a 'heretic.'

    "That's why I created the wavy shape. It immerses you into the quantum field, showing you how to explore the interconnection of seemingly opposite perspectives. This is the mystical, the 'mysterium tremendum,' the divine spark that gave birth to our religions."
    I shudder with joy at the idea of what Jesus has in store for this jewess once He gets His hands on her. She'll be satan's favorite pincushion, at a minimum.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

  • #2
    Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

    This is low, even by evolutionist standards.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

      This Ruth Rimm should be very careful, Jesus doesn't like being mocked!
      He'd rather have her accept Him, than have her being runned over by a bus..
      But as it looks now, she's going to die a most horrible death.
      But then, that's what she deserves.

      May God's will be done!
      If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
      A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
      Proverbs 9:12-13

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

        He goes to Hell.
        Last edited by Appelfap.; 03-04-2007, 02:36 PM.
        =/=

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

          Originally posted by Incredibly blasphemous deviant
          "'The Lost Spiritual World' is unlike any book you've ever seen," she said on her website. "For one thing, it's not shaped like a rectangle. In Greek, the word orthodox means 'straight thinking.' But according to the fundamentalist thought police, I don't think straight. I'm a 'heretic.'

          "That's why I created the wavy shape. It immerses you into the quantum field, showing you how to explore the interconnection of seemingly opposite perspectives. This is the mystical, the 'mysterium tremendum,' the divine spark that gave birth to our religions."
          I didn't understand much of that, but it sounds very homerish.
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

            Yet another frightening attempt by the Illuminati to establish a religious New World Order by mixing True Christian™ History with voodoo nonsense. Mind you, there should and WILL be a One World Religion some day... and that religion will be Christianity.
            sigpic

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

              Originally posted by Virginia D. Templeton View Post
              and that religion will be Christianity.
              TRUE Cristianity mind you
              John 20:29
              Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                Originally posted by R-R-R View Post
                TRUE Cristianity mind you
                or Christianity, even.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                  Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                  or Christianity, even.
                  Yep, type error. My bad
                  John 20:29
                  Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                    According to Ruth Rimm, Bronx school teacher and book artist, her version of the Scriptures – titled "Lost Spiritual World" – "explores the emergence of a new global spirituality that mixes the best of each wisdom tradition with the latest findings in psychology, quantum physics, neuroscience, and linguistics."
                    Oh no, no, no, no --- they've gone over the top this time, it's an absolute disgrace! --- the Holy Scriptures are sacred and must NEVER be changed or altered!
                    1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                    1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


                    1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                    Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                    Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                      Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                      Oh no, no, no, no --- they've gone over the top this time, it's an absolute disgrace! --- the Holy Scriptures are sacred and must NEVER be changed or altered!
                      And yet they wouldn't dare rewrite the Koran. Clearly, they are in league with satan and their hands off approach to the mudslim unholy toilet paper dispenser that is the koran shows that satan is also in league with towel heads.
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                      • #12
                        Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                        Originally posted by Remy Lebeau View Post

                        And yet they wouldn't dare rewrite the Koran. Clearly, they are in league with satan and their hands off approach to the mudslim unholy toilet paper dispenser that is the koran shows that satan is also in league with towel heads.
                        This seems indeed to be the case, Mr Remy L --- they wouldn't dare muss-meddle-alter-defile the Koran, would they

                        --- therefore according to True Christian logic, no other conclusion seems likely
                        1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                        1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


                        1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                        Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                        Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                          Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                          Oh no, no, no, no --- they've gone over the top this time, it's an absolute disgrace! --- the Holy Scriptures are sacred and must NEVER be changed or altered!
                          This coming from an Anglican!
                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                            minister noddy wrote ---

                            Oh no, no, no, no --- they've gone over the top this time, it's an absolute disgrace! --- the Holy Scriptures are sacred and must NEVER be changed or altered!
                            Brother Temperance wrote ---

                            This coming from an Anglican!
                            Oh we Anglicans take the scripture literally!

                            This may come as a surprise to you, but it's true. Let me explain if I may ...

                            We follow the Bible word for word and verse for verse ---

                            --- However! --- in theology there are five possible (and accepted) ways (perspectives) of interpreting Biblical prophesy depending on one's assumptions about the transfer of chronological time.

                            For instance, we can assume that what was future from Jeremiah's perspective is also future from our own. In that case we must interpret the prophesy futuristically, the (1) futuristic perspective; so Jeremiah was telling us about events to which we can also look forward ---

                            --- Or was he? On the other hand we can assume that what was future from Jeremiah's perspective must certainly be the past from our own; so Jeremiah's immediate future is for us the distant past; hense we must interpret the prophesy historically, that is the (2) historical perspective.

                            A third possibility is to assume that the transfer in chronological time cannot really be made. The link between a prophesy and its own time frame is indissoluble; so according to an (3) exhortative prespective a biblical prophesy is primarily an attempt to affect attitudes and actions, and so the validity of the prophesy is its ability to induce righteousness.

                            But to continue --- According to an (4) idealistic perspective, a prophesy is only a specific application of a general principle, and today we should concentrate on that underlying principle; what is therefore important are the underlying moral and theological ideals that the prophesy presupposed and undergirded.

                            And finally we have the (5) preterite perspective. We can assume that a prophesy is a past statement that must simply be accepted as such, and should not be updated. A prophesy like any historical fact has to be understood in terms of the circumstances that produced it. Subsequent events or the general applicability of underlying principles are irrelevant and misleading; the meaning of the prophesy is what it meant at the time it was first uttered.

                            This is not really as complicated as it sounds --- but to keep it in perspective (if you will pardon the pun), I can assure you that no matter which of these five approaches are applied in understanding the scripture, we Anglicans never change a single word of the Bible.

                            Peace be with you, Brother T

                            1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                            1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


                            1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                            Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                            Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Monkey Worshipers Rewrite Holy Bible!

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              Oh we Anglicans take the scripture literally!
                              Do you now? Then why aren't you called Landoverians? Last I checked, the Anglicans were all for mixed fibers, an abomination to the One True God...

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              We follow the Bible word for word and verse for verse ---
                              See above question! And why do you let your women-folk speak in church?

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              --- However! --- in theology there are five possible (and accepted) ways (perspectives) of interpreting Biblical prophesy depending on one's assumptions about the transfer of chronological time.
                              The Bible isn't meant to be "interpreted", and that is why you so-called Anglicans are damned. Interpretation is all about taking God's Word and putting a human spin on it. This is a no-spin zone, where God's Word speaks for itself.

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              For instance, we can assume that what was future from Jeremiah's perspective is also future from our own. In that case we must interpret the prophesy futuristically, the (1) futuristic perspective; so Jeremiah was telling us about events to which we can also look forward ---
                              This is a very arrogant view, don't you think? This is your problem: you are looking at things from a Human perspective. The Bible is written from God's perspective: to Him there is no future -- He is eternal and outside of the constraints of time. Again, don't try to put human constraints on God. It will get you nowhere.

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              -removed useless satanic 'interpretation'-
                              This sort of "analysis" may work well for Harry Potter and other such satanic ritualia, but I assure you that applying it to the Bible is a futile effort. You just can't admit that God knows better than you: you have to try to shoe-horn His Word into a version that you can feel good about. And this is why you anglicans aren't True Christians.

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              This is not really as complicated as it sounds --- but to keep it in perspective (if you will pardon the pun), I can assure you that no matter which of these five approaches are applied in understanding the scripture, we Anglicans never change a single word of the Bible.
                              You take the Word and bumble it around until it almost sounds like some sort of Karma Sutra (Heaven forfend). How is this not changing the Word? You say you follow the Bible to the letter, and yet you conveniently ignore the parts about women shutting their yap-holes in Church? If this isn't a blatant lie, I don't know what is!
                              Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

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