What kind of a retard is it?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

God creates many different kinds of retards.

For example, He created Thalidimide mutants. For a time in the 50s, nearly every neighborhood had a tard affectionately nicknamed "Flipper".

However, there are various classes of retards. Idiot, mongoloid, etc. all had proper scientific definitions.

It seems to me that Landover's Creation Scientists should come up with a modern Retard Classification System, so we can determine the exact capabilities and Salvation potential of the intellectally less-gifted through a simple label.

Those obsessed with spaghetti, for example, could be called "Pastards". Their reduced intellectual function is caused by a high-carb diet, and reversible. They have a high Salvation potential.

Children born with Down Syndrome could bear the name "Triglet". However, as we may recall from that actor with DS who was actually nearly as intelligent as Jimmy Roy, some cursed with DS do still have Salvation potential. So, how do we rank Triglets? According to severity?

There are many kinds of retards out there. What names do we need for the classification system, and what do they mean?

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

An excellent idea, Rev. Rodimer! I know I am a lowly woman, but may I be so bold as to suggest a name for twelve-year old children who like to hang out on weird sites on the internet and come here to harass us?

I think they should be called "betards" (pronounced bee-tards) because they like to be so annoying! I am also pretty sure their Salvation potential is very low.

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

Perhaps those with a feline obsession might be called leotards.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

The ones obsessed with animal rights, veganism, and setting free or killing all domestic animals . . . what else, PETArds.

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

The brain dead 'only play 4 string guitars' could be basstards.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

The ones who think they have magic powers: Wiccatards

The ones who think they are vampires: Twilatards

The ones who follow Anton LaVey: Anton-LaVeytards

Everyone is already familiar with Gothtards, of course.

The ones who believe George W. Bush blew up the World Trade Center: 9/11Conspiratards

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

Science Fiction Heretic Freaks: Avatards

[LordHaveMercy]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

While your idea has the reek of "science" about it, if it could be helpful in doing The Lord's work, then I am aboard.

I think humanists who come in with their "intellectual curiosity" could be intellitards.

Those who think that *we* are going to Hell for our beliefs would be parotards.

I have not been around long enough to determine the salvationism scale of the above. Praise the Lord!

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

French megalomaniacs could be Napoleon Bonatards.

[Ksevio]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

Great idea!

People that believe in military dictatorships can be Militards

People that think the Earth is a planet sphere can be Planetards

The people that clean everything obsessively can be Sanitards

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

The ones who believe George W. Bush blew up the World Trade Center: 9/11Conspiratards

I thought they were Truthafarians, since they have a bizarre, delusional belief system which is practically a religion!

Remember, it doesn't have to simply end in -tard. Like Triglet, which describes Down Syndrome babies.

What to call the people who mindlessly follow Glenn Beck, the Mormon pied piper?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

An excellent idea, Rev. Rodimer! I know I am a lowly woman, but may I be so bold as to suggest a name for twelve-year old children who like to hang out on weird sites on the internet and come here to harass us?

I think they should be called "betards" (pronounced bee-tards) because they like to be so annoying! I am also pretty sure their Salvation potential is very low.

"Betards" is good, because these are like humans, in "beta" code.

I have always wondered what is the difference between
dweebs
nerds
geeks
dorks and
irrits?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

Oh all this talk about retardeds makes me sick. Literally, they make me sick to my stomach.

Why can't people who own one do the decent thing and keep them out of sight?

[Butch Dickerson]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

Seculars believe that form follows function.

A tard needs a job to function, or it is simply a vestigial-tard.

Catholic church lets em' ring bells (Quasimodo Tard').
German doctors necro-invigorating the dead use them to steal brains (Igor Tard') .
Hollywood uses them for Oscars (Forest Gump Tard').

Naming tards' maybe should be like naming dinosaurs, first person to find the usefulness of the tard' gets to name it.

[AmericanAnarchist]

Re: What kind of a retard is it?

if God created us how can you explain the appendix? or the coccyx?

reasonable people: 1
"Christians": 0

god created us THROUGH evolution.

god does not suspend nature, he manipulates it.