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Dear fellow True Christians™:
Given the rather frightening number of fluffy-bunny liberal religionists who only think that they are saved Christians, I believe that it will be helpful to provide a guide to allow people to spot them. Besides the obvious — they're not tithing members of LBC — let's make a list of early warning signs of "Christians" who are actually anything but.
Given the rather frightening number of fluffy-bunny liberal religionists who only think that they are saved Christians, I believe that it will be helpful to provide a guide to allow people to spot them. Besides the obvious — they're not tithing members of LBC — let's make a list of early warning signs of "Christians" who are actually anything but.
- They harp on verses like Matthew 7:1 and John 3:16, while ignoring equally pertinent verses like Isaiah 45:7 and Luke 19:27.
- If they come across a Bible verse that they don't like, they say that it was "nailed to the Cross," was "meant for the church back then," needs to be "interpreted correctly," or needs to be read "in the cultural and historical context."
- They decide what they want to believe (typically liberal politics) and then, instead of determining whether it's Biblically correct or citing actual Scripture verses to prove it, just make vague, hand-waving arguments as to what God should want.
- They believe that all versions of the Bible, even the satanically inspired NIV, are just as good as God's Perfect Word, the King James Bible. In fact, they probably think that "KJV 1611" is just a license-plate number.
- They worship a demon called Shirley God, as in "Shirley God wouldn't smite people just for being homers."
- They allow women into positions of church leadership and may even set up "welcoming congregations" where homers play-act at being saved Christians.
- Their churches feature seventies-modern architecture and felt-appliqué banners.
- They rename the Persons of the Holy Trinity to make Them sound more P.C. After all, Shirley God would want it that way.
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