[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

You are referring to the findings of so called scientists aren't you? Those scientists claim these findings date to a time before the world even existed, yet more proof that this so called evidence was placed there to play with scientists heads by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself.

We agree that most scientists are fools. But a Spaghetti strand and double meatball portion deity has no power to plant evidence like some dirty cop.

God alone is the True Cop and the True Judge and the True Warden. He has all the evidence that He needs to convict and incarcerate the human race. Jesus is our lawyer and He made a deal with the Judge who is His dad-- and Himself. He paid the fine for our misdeeds with His blood.

Sauce cannot cover your sins.

Spaghetti -- even my grandmother's -- cannot feed you soul.

Two meatballs is not enough for a growing boy.

Renounce the foolish doctrine of FSMism and accept the True Wisdom that is the Bible.

Or burn in hell.

Saucily Yours,
(but not in a blasphemous way)

Handmaiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

During the Paleolithic era, hunter gatherers had access to large sources of protein in the form of enormous, juicy animals. Skeletal remains indicate heights of up to 6' plus in many instances.

You are referring to the findings of so called scientists aren't you? Those scientists claim these findings date to a time before the world even existed, yet more proof that this so called evidence was placed there to play with scientists heads by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself.

[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

You are confusing the nature of earthly sauce with the nature of his Holy being, the sauce humans make is imperfect and makes a mess, His sauce is perfect so makes no mess.

As a True Italian, I cannot allow you to lecture me on the subject of sauce. With the many arrests, incarcerations --both in criminal justice and mental health facilities-- fires and wrecked automobiles in my family history, our grandmother's sauce was the one point of honor that could not be impugned.

Take care, as you are close to doing so and may be subject to Sicilian wrath that will extend beyond the limits of eternity and pain to which even the Biblical God is capable.

If we are to believe that hight is function of nutrition, as the scientists try to tell us, then a smaller population with more food available should correlate to a taller hight. This is not what we find.

Your gospel is false. During the Paleolithic era, hunter gatherers had access to large sources of protein in the form of enormous, juicy animals. Skeletal remains indicate heights of up to 6' plus in many instances.

During the Neolithic, agriculture took hold. People grew grains and began carbo-loading. Calorie consumption increased and became consistent. Females became fertile younger; population increased; archaeological finds indicate shorter frames.

Nutrition = height Carbo calories = fertile but short

I am not supposed to know this.

With further prayer I hope to forget this information.

Renounce your false FSM; repent and accept Jesus.

That is all.

Tersely Yours,

Handamiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Heathen. I went a Stupid Sisters College where the main academic agenda is to turn straight girls into phallic-hating "womyn". If I have trouble comprehending anything it is how a FSM deity could exist without leaving trails of sauce around in its wake.

You are confusing the nature of earthly sauce with the nature of his Holy being, the sauce humans make is imperfect and makes a mess, His sauce is perfect so makes no mess.

If we look around us we can see signs of His work.

Take gravity, for example: the force of attraction between massive particles.
Scientists know a great deal about the properties of gravity, yet they know nothing about the cause of the force itself. Why are particles attracted to one other? If we review the literature, we find a lot of material dealing with the properties of gravity, but very little dealing with the underlying cause of this attraction, until we consult the True gospel which tells us He, pushing us down with His Noodly Appendages, that causes this Force. We can only guess as to His motives, but it’s logical to assume that if He is going to such trouble, there is a good reason. It could be that He doesn’t want us floating off earth into space, or maybe just that He enjoys touching us—we may never know.

We need only look at our historical records. The average height of humans two thousand years ago was about five feet three inches for males, compared with an average height of around five feet ten inches for males today. Useless by itself, this information becomes quite important when viewed in terms of worldwide population. Humans, apparently obsessed with shagging, have increased their numbers exponentially over the years. We find, counter intuitively, that a small population correlates with shorter humans, and a larger population correlates with taller humans. This only makes sense in light of the FSM theory of gravity. With more people on earth today, there are fewer Noodly Appendages to go around, so we each receive less touching—pushing down toward the earth—and thus, with less force downward, we’re taller. We can fully expect that as the population increases, and we receive less downward pushing by the FSM, we’ll continue to grow in height. Conversely, we can expect that the sudden occurrence of a worldwide plague would cause our average height to decrease. This phenomenon can be verified in historical records. We find that regions undergoing health crises have shorter people—strong evidence that this it true.

If we are to believe that hight is function of nutrition, as the scientists try to tell us, then a smaller population with more food available should correlate to a taller hight. This is not what we find.

[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Who can't read a simple sentence? I said..

Some forms of food are only things I mention as being carbohydrate based.
I did not mention anything about what humans are made of.
This clear demonstration of your comprehension skills explains a lot.

Heathen. I went a Stupid Sisters College where the main academic agenda is to turn straight girls into phallic-hating "womyn". If I have trouble comprehending anything it is how a FSM deity could exist without leaving trails of sauce around in its wake.

Jesus leaves trails of cleansing virtue and inner peace in His wake which can be seen by anyone NOT wearing an eyepatch!

The Diet of Atkins is an abomination in the eyes of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, be assured that Dr Atkins will be in Heaven-ULTRA Lite his beer is flat and he can only just hear the sounds from the distant stage, I dread to think what sort of strippers get has now.

There is only one point of agreement between us. I informed a hellbound sinner who was joking about his hopes to find cold beer and porn waiting for him in hell that he would find warm, flat beer that was some brand of American lite and grainy home movies of Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold.

When Satan was delivering to you his false gospel, he mixed in a liitle truth as is his wont.

Pityingly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Low-Carb is the way to go.

Is Dr. Atkins in Heaven now?

The Diet of Atkins is an abomination in the eyes of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, be assured that Dr Atkins will be in Heaven-ULTRA Lite his beer is flat and he can only just hear the sounds from the distant stage, I dread to think what sort of strippers get has now.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Who can't read a simple sentence? I said..

Some forms of food are only things I mention as being carbohydrate based.
I did not mention anything about what humans are made of.
This clear demonstration of your comprehension skills explains a lot.

Low-Carb is the way to go.

Is Dr. Atkins in Heaven now?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

We humans are CARBON based life forms, not carbohydrate.

You Pastafarians can't even read a simple sentence.


Sniffyly Yours,

Handmaiden

Who can't read a simple sentence? I said..

The Earth, The Universe, and everything else was created by a The Flying Spaghetti Monster... We have many carbohydrate based food stuffs that are made in his image, while he can Fly these can not.

Some forms of food are only things I mention as being carbohydrate based.
I did not mention anything about what humans are made of.
This clear demonstration of your comprehension skills explains a lot.

[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Now put brain in to gear, if that is at all possible for you...

The Earth, The Universe, and everything else was created by a The Flying Spaghetti Monster... We have many carbohydrate based food stuffs that are made in his image,

We humans are CARBON based life forms, not carbohydrate.

You Pastafarians can't even read a simple sentence.


Sniffyly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Well you've got the main point of the liebral churches down. Begging for money. Hey maybe in another 15 years you could be as popular as the UU.

I make no financial gain if people chose to purchase the True Gospel, I am just giving them the information so they can acquire it and read it for themselves.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

If you want to know the true word of God read the only TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7) Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Well you've got the main point of the liebral churches down. Begging for money. Hey maybe in another 15 years you could be as popular as the UU.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Excuse me, we can think! God told us what to think. We call it the KJV1611. Get one and get right with Jesus!

But that is not the true word of God, as I have said that is the work of a bunch of
If you want to know the true word of God read the only TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7) Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster

[James Dewitt]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Only confusing for the hard of thinking

Excuse me, we can think! God told us what to think. We call it the KJV1611. Get one and get right with Jesus!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

All very confusing and inconsistent don't you think! Perhaps they should have called it the "Flying Monster that only looks like Spaghetti" or the "Flying only looks like Spaghetti Monster" instead .

Only confusing for the hard of thinking

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

The Flying Spaghetti Monster - Looks like what we know as spaghetti but is made of Holy mater not actual spaghetti - Can fly and does so all the time.

All very confusing and inconsistent don't you think! Perhaps they should have called it the "Flying Monster that only looks like Spaghetti" or the "Flying only looks like Spaghetti Monster" instead .