[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

Than you Pastor Al, this explains SO MUCH.

Evidently the scribes knew your relative was an illiterate halfwit so, as their only way to get back at him for the injustices he committed against them, they wrote a Joke quasi religious text and called it The King James Bible.

The must be having a great time with the Beer Volcanoes and Stripper Factories, knowing they got one over on Sir Lancelot Pistle, their can properly hear him constantly complying about the stale Beer and Poxy strippers he has to make do with. I bet their are having a great laugh as they see how his desendants have still not got the joke. Watching Earth from Heaven saying to each other "Those Pistles are still as gullible as ever"

Oh, dear. I'm afraid you have made another swandive into an empty pool. The work of the scribes was collected, collated, and passed on to the great literary genius of his time, Lord William Shakespeare Pistle at Stratford-upon-Avon who checked every entry for accuracy. Of this there can be no doubt. Simply comparing his likeness and literature to mine gives one an uncanny sense of deja-vu.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

While it is becoming common knowledge that declining Pirate numbers are a direct result of religious persecution, what is not yet known is what happened to the remaining Pirates and where they are located.

I can tell you. They emigrated, shaved their beards and got elected to congress.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

Oh, dear. I'm afraid you have made another swandive into an empty pool. The work of the scribes was collected, collated, and passed on to the great literary genius of his time, Lord William Shakespeare Pistle at Stratford-upon-Avon who checked every entry for accuracy. Of this there can be no doubt. Simply comparing his likeness and literature to mine gives one an uncanny sense of deja-vu.

Those poor mistreated scribes also clearly managed to hoodwink the good Lord William Shakespeare Pistle.

Tell me was the title of Lord given to your ancestor by some means of deception? Should it not have gone to THE William Shakespeare of Stratford-upon-Avon who could actually read and write?

[JennyD]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

Jo Feddie Mercury, is your "prophet" by any chance a retarded, like Mohammed?

I only ask because his "book" appears never to have been proofread. Or maybe it was proofread by a retarded.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

Those poor mistreated scribes also clearly managed to hoodwink the good Lord William Shakespeare Pistle.

Tell me was the title of Lord given to your ancestor by some means of deception? Should it not have gone to THE William Shakespeare of Stratford-upon-Avon who could actually read and write?

One and the same, mate. One and the same.

[Miss April]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

While I agree with you that that poll is ridiculous, it clearly does not have an option to select the CORRECT answer

God is The Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Mocking Fool God Is not A Stupid Flything Anything Where Did You Learn That At Fools.com?

[Tang88]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

your "prophet" by any chance a retarded, like Mohammed?

I only ask because his "book" appears never to have been proofread. Or maybe it was proofread by a retarded.

your a jackass
the same thing can be said about jesus and the bible

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

your a jackass

your one two

[Jo Freddie]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

One and the same, mate. One and the same.

I think your family have been telling you a few fibs about your lineage.
More likely that if your ancestor was Bottom Pistle, who was used by the Good Bard as part of the inspiration for A Midsummer Night's Dream, or maybe Dogberry Pistle of Much Ado About Nothing

[Jo Freddie]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

God Mocking Fool God Is not A Stupid Flything Anything Where Did You Learn That At Fools.com?

I learnt that when I discovered the truth that still appears to be hidden from you.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

Jo Feddie Mercury, is your "prophet" by any chance a retarded, like Mohammed?

I only ask because his "book" appears never to have been proofread. Or maybe it was proofread by a retarded.

Rich coming from a believer of a book that was written by bunch people who could not agree what the truth is.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

Rich coming from a believer of a book that was written by bunch people who could not agree what the truth is.

That's an urban legend that the Bible is inconsistent. We all know the Bible is 100% consistent with itself! That's what makes it the Bible and proof that God inspired men to write it. For if men simply pulled these crazy ideas out of their butts, over thousands of years, with none of the men knowing each other, there would be lots of glaring inconsistencies. However, we know the Bible is perfect in everyway.

Your religion is just like that of the Helmholtz guy: Complete insane, absurd, off its rocker, and absolutely false, since the KJV 1611 is the only book that has Truth in it. Amen!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

That's an urban legend that the Bible is inconsistent. We all know the Bible is 100% consistent with itself! That's what makes it the Bible and proof that God inspired men to write it. For if men simply pulled these crazy ideas out of their butts, over thousands of years, with none of the men knowing each other, there would be lots of glaring inconsistencies. However, we know the Bible is perfect in everyway.

Your religion is just like that of the Helmholtz guy: Complete insane, absurd, off its rocker, and absolutely false, since the KJV 1611 is the only book that has Truth in it. Amen!

From The Bible, King Jimmy version

Is scripture inspired by God?
2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness

1 Corinthians 7:6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
1 Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Has anyone ascended up to heaven?
2 Kings 2:11 And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

John 3:13 And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.

Where did Christ ascend from?
Acts 1:9 And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.
10: And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;
11: Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.
12: Then returned they unto Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is from Jerusalem a sabbath day's journey.

Luke 24:50 And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them.
51: And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.

Can God Lie?
Hebrews 6:18 That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us

1 Kings 22:23 Now therefore, behold, the LORD hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these thy prophets, and the LORD hath spoken evil concerning thee
Ezekiel 14:9 And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the LORD have deceived that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand upon him, and will destroy him from the midst of my people Israel.

Shall I continue?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

I have been struck recently at how well satan knows the Bible and how he loves to quote Scripture in order to destroy faith. Remember how he tried to persuade Jesus to throw himself down from the temple roof? He argued from Scripture! “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written: He will give his angels charge of you.” Note well! Satan does not always try to ruin faith by saying, “The Bible isn’t true;” he often tries to destroy our faith by affirming some passage and using it to lead us into disobedience.

All True Christians(tm) suck life from God’s Holy Word. We die without it. We will not let it be taken from us. We will go to jail rather than stop reading it. So what does Satan do? His one aim is to destroy our faith. The Word of God alone keeps faith alive. But we cleave to it and satan cannot tear it away. So he studies it. How else could he quote Psalm 91:11, 12 to Jesus? He studies it. And he studies how to distort it and pervert it by plausible misinterpretations. Yes, they must be plausible. He is not so happy when his sub-demons put absurd misinterpretations into our head because they are far too easily corrected.

I put it to you that this "Pirate Jo" character is nothing more or less than one of satan's sub-demons, here to cast seeds of doubt.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: What won't New Agers believe?

From The Bible, King Jimmy version

First off, show some respect towards God by referring to the Bible in its proper form: King James Version. There was no King Jimmy. There's a Rev. Jimmy, and that's me, but I didn't write the Bible.

Is scripture inspired by God?
2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness

1 Corinthians 7:6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
1 Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Where is the inconsistency? Timothy says scripture is "inspiration", and Corinthians say it is "permission". Either way, it sources from God to man. Paul wasn't commanded to write the Letter to Corinthians, but he was inspired by it.

Has anyone ascended up to heaven?
2 Kings 2:11 And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

John 3:13 And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.

Some skeptics (like Pastabrain here) charge Jesus with missing out on Elijah being first to "ascend into heaven" but the solution is the same as it is today: The Hebrew word translated "heaven" in the first verse. shamiyim, simply means the sky, as "heavens" does metaphorically today. The "heavens" were also regarded as the abode of God, but at the time of 2 Kings there was as yet no conception of "Heaven" with a capital H as the special abode of God shared with His people.

The Greek word in the second verse, ouranos, can also mean the sky, but it is also used in the sense of God's realm (as in, the "Kingdom of Heaven" [ouranos]. Note John 3:27 "John answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven." The word carries theological freight that shamiyim does not. Therefore, there is no conflict in these verses, for 2 Kings merely asserts where Elijah went physically and carries no theological overtones.

Another one bites the dust!

Where did Christ ascend from?
Acts 1:9 And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.
10: And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;
11: Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.
12: Then returned they unto Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is from Jerusalem a sabbath day's journey.

Luke 24:50 And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them.
51: And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.

You are trying too hard to be precise here. Olivet is near Bethany. For you, my Godless Brit Friend, this would be like one gospel saying "Jesus went to Salisbury plain" and "Jesus went to Stonehenge". They are actually saying two "different" places, but in reality, it's clear that they are the same place.

Can God Lie?
Hebrews 6:18 That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us

1 Kings 22:23 Now therefore, behold, the LORD hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these thy prophets, and the LORD hath spoken evil concerning thee
Ezekiel 14:9 And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the LORD have deceived that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand upon him, and will destroy him from the midst of my people Israel.

This is a simple misunderstanding of context. Notice that God does not lie to the Good, to those writing the Bible. He will lie, however, to evil people. The Kings and Ezekiel reference refer to false prophets. So, we can be rest assured that the entire KJV 1611 is lie-free and 100% consistent. Only those worshipping false prophets, like say a Flying Spaghetti Monster, would be the subject of lies.

Shall I continue?

Please do! I've shown you the Bible to be consistent with your challenges. Keep it coming, friend!

-Rev Jim. Osborne