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  • #1

    Halloween recommendations?

    I know that Halloween is a pagan Holyday, but still, it's a good night to have a little fun. My neighborhood is popular with the little devils, and we get hundreds of little kids coming by. They come from other cities to T'0'T in a safe neighborhood. I like to participate; last year I had the scariest house on the block. Not much to brag about since no one really goes out of their way to be scary.

    I have a lot of fun scaring the children. It's so easy. Some spooky music, some candles, and a black light make my normal victorian house seem haunted. I like to wear a white sheet and act ghostly; with the black light it's really dramatic. Seeing the little kids get scared 5h1tless is just so much fun. Sometimes they cry, but the parents always thank me for putting on a spooky show. The older kids aren't scared, but I play with them anyway.

    I'm not like the other neighbors who celebrate with their parent friends at home while the kids go out. They leave the lights on and hand out candy to the children passing by. But nothing scary.

    I always have a bowl of coins for UNICEF, but I don't put the coins in the boxes. I hand them to the kids and make them insert the coins themselves. Can you imagine how long it takes to stuff a handfull of pennies into a cardboard coin slot? This year I might buy little boxes of raisins for the older kids just to be a jerk.

    The major problem is the groups of kids who come by later on with shaving cream and eggs. Usually there are a good number of police cruisers to keep the revelry down.

    I only have one good line, though, and usually just announce myself as, "Mr. Scary" with an eerie voice. I could use some new material. Something to put the fear of god into them.

    Do you guys do anything fun for halloween? Or just stay inside with the lights off? Do you let your children go out for T'0'T?
    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
    Tags: civic pride:care for your town, halloween = helloween, trick-or-treator menace
  • #2
    Re: Halloween recommendations?

    We produce a annual hell town. To scare the hell out of the little ones, right into Jesus's arms. I always must comfort the little girls, who need a daddy figure to hold them and tell them it's alright, me and Jesus will protect them.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Halloween recommendations?

      I know that Halloween is a pagan Holyday,
      Very true, Christians decided to steal holiday's from the pagans and call it their own.

      Do you guys do anything fun for halloween? Or just stay inside with the lights off? Do you let your children go out for T'0'T?
      This is my first year with my wonderful christian son. I can't for the life of me decide what to dress him up as. He is cute as a button and holy.

      If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Halloween recommendations?

        My recommendation: ACCEPT JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Then go trick-or-Treating. That way, you'll have someone to Pray to for a BIG bagload of Candy!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Halloween recommendations?

          I've got the Gatling gun ready and loaded already.
          Don't get too many brats banging on the doors these days. Shame really

          Sister Talitha

          Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


          HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
          being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Halloween recommendations?

            Leaving bear traps in your front garden is always a good trick. And then, when you go to set the little buggers loose the next morning, you can give them a Bible as a treat as well.
            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Halloween recommendations?

              Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
              Leaving bear traps in your front garden is always a good trick. And then, when you go to set the little buggers loose the next morning, you can give them a Bible as a treat as well.


              I like to have an inflatable paddling pool set up in the frontyard. That way when the kiddiewinkies drop by , the Treat they receive is FULL IMMERSION BAPTISM AND ETERNAL SALVATION. The kids caught in bear traps or Muslim whelps are ideal candidates.
              TIP for newbies: Putting some vegetable dye in the water helps you to identify those kids who have had their 'treat' for the evening, and prevents double ups. A little chlorine is a good idea too. Those little ones can get powerful scared if you do it right, and can 'let go' out of fear and pain. Brats.
              The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
              Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Halloween recommendations?

                Originally posted by Guy View Post
                I like to have an inflatable paddling pool set up in the frontyard. That way when the kiddiewinkies drop by , the Treat they receive is FULL IMMERSION BAPTISM AND ETERNAL SALVATION. The kids caught in bear traps or Muslim whelps are ideal candidates.
                TIP for newbies: Putting some vegetable dye in the water helps you to identify those kids who have had their 'treat' for the evening, and prevents double ups. A little chlorine is a good idea too. Those little ones can get powerful scared if you do it right, and can 'let go' out of fear and pain. Brats.
                I use sheep's blood, feces and lye in my halloween wading pool. Those little sinners need to experience a small taste of what hell has in store for them.

                Well, its more like a vat.
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Halloween recommendations?

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  I use sheep's blood, feces and lye in my halloween wading pool. Those little sinners need to experience a small taste of what hell has in store for them.

                  Well, its more like a vat.
                  We build traps and such, like dig 12 foot deep holes and cover it in leaves so they fall in. Or the ropes that catch their legs and they're stuck hanging form a tree. We also have nets, and trip wires that trigger buckets of rotten milk. The classics. Then Cris dresses up like a scare-crow and when they come to poke at him he'll jump out with a chain saw! It's so funny. But if they make it past our yard, Meg gives them like a bag-full of candy (we have a lot left over cuz not many make it...) If they're kids from school that we don't like, we'll put a candy wrapper over some chocolate laxatives. That's always fun too.
                  Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                  Leaving bear traps in your front garden is always a good trick. And then, when you go to set the little buggers loose the next morning, you can give them a Bible as a treat as well.
                  Wouldn't bear traps be a bit of lawsuit problem? I always like to buy defective skunks and set them loose in our yard. You should see the parents run. We have a mastiff too, he's always intimidating. On halloween we put foamy stuff in his mouth and make him look like Cujo.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Halloween recommendations?

                    Originally posted by Baphomet View Post
                    We build traps and such, like dig 12 foot deep holes and cover it in leaves so they fall in. Or the ropes that catch their legs and they're stuck hanging form a tree. We also have nets, and trip wires that trigger buckets of rotten milk. The classics. Then Cris dresses up like a scare-crow and when they come to poke at him he'll jump out with a chain saw! It's so funny. But if they make it past our yard, Meg gives them like a bag-full of candy (we have a lot left over cuz not many make it...) If they're kids from school that we don't like, we'll put a candy wrapper over some chocolate laxatives. That's always fun too.

                    Wouldn't bear traps be a bit of lawsuit problem? I always like to buy defective skunks and set them loose in our yard. You should see the parents run. We have a mastiff too, he's always intimidating. On halloween we put foamy stuff in his mouth and make him look like Cujo.
                    It's knee-slapping japes like those that make life worth living Jesus kills us

                    The Bear traps stop the little suckers from running away. Makes it so much easier to pick them off with the Sniper Rifle.

                    Sister Talitha

                    Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                    HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                    being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Halloween recommendations?

                      I suggest that TC parents send their children out (minus the costumes) to other towns with a big stack of Bibles to knock on doors and ask people "Hell or Jesus?" instead of the more traditional (and unholy) "Trick or Treat". That way they know they're doing something to help both mankind AND God.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Halloween recommendations?

                        Originally posted by Sister Talitha View Post
                        The Bear traps stop the little suckers from running away. Makes it so much easier to pick them off with the Sniper Rifle.
                        Don't worry, hellion's a designated marksman...err...marks"woman"... She can shoot an apple from 100 yards away with a cheap paintball gun, easy... It's amazing!

                        The pits of doom keep them from running too. We're also going to put an inexcapable maze in there too. You know, the kind where they go in and we put a wall up where the entrance used to be, every time some kids come by we take the wall out (when they're not looking) and let them in. We also have a sign that says "Bags of candy if you make it through the maze!" And we even have narcs that tell all the little kids how "easy" it is to get through...hehehe...

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Halloween recommendations?

                          Originally posted by Baphomet View Post
                          Wouldn't bear traps be a bit of lawsuit problem?
                          You don't know Landover's lawyers. They could make OJ look innocent, and he's black. These guys really put the "Jew" back in "lawyer".
                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Halloween recommendations?

                            You people are talking about guns and traps and pools of blood...and Wiccans are evil. Who's confused??? Not us!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Halloween recommendations?

                              ...and Lord Warrior sounds like a pedophile to me!

                              Comment

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