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  • Five Year Old Girl
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2007
    • 130
    #1

    I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

    Do other Babtists go ta' Heck? Like if they don't go ta' Landover I mean.

    Cause God don't go ta' their church.

    Just ourses!

    So, maybe like thuh wrong kinda Babtists go ta' Heck too.
    Tags: baptists, false christians, hell: no fun for sinners, true christians™
    • Pastor Billy-Reuben
      Senior Pastor
      VP of Evangelical Outreach
      On FIRE for Jesus
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 5812
      #2
      Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

      That's right! You are so smart!

      Those other Baptists are liberal because they don't obey all of the Bible. Some of them even love their family more than they love Jesus. That's why Jesus is going to send them all to Hell.

      SHOUT GLORY!

      Pastor Billy-Reuben
      Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

      ✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
      Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
      #ChristianLivesMatter

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        • Five Year Old Girl
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2007
          • 130
          #3
          Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

          Yeah, awe haw, like that Aber-Hammy Lincon guy, who wuz gonna kill his baby boy on accuonta Jeevus tolded him too. But Jeevus said, "Just jokin', Hee!" Then he freezed thuh slaves an they all laugheded.



          Mawmy sez she dun't love me, but I know she juss' means not more'n Jeevus, sos everthing's alright.

            Comment

            • eliot mayfield
              God Squad
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 9324
              #4
              Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

              You be careful little girl! Remember the ten commandments. You must honor your mother and father!
              Matthew:
              5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
              5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
              10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
              10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                • Brother V
                  True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 3481
                  #5
                  Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                  Originally posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post
                  That's right! You are so smart!
                  Some of them even love their family more than they love Jesus. That's why Jesus is going to send them all to Hell.

                  SHOUT GLORY!

                  Pastor Billy-Reuben
                  Some other baptists (I'm looking at you SBC) demonize things to the point of idolatry.

                  Secular SBC source

                  Therefore, be it RESOLVED, that we call on the United States government agencies to work to protect the health and safety of Americans young and old by launching a vigorous campaign against alcohol abuse, and
                  Friends, those liberals at the SBC think that alcohol is stronger than God!

                  I will not allow anything to come in between me and my God. I will not claim that alcohol is strong enough to separate me from MY God!

                  I trust you all will join me in the fight against the SBC and their Idolatrous ways.

                  YIC
                  V
                  Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

                    Comment

                    • Five Year Old Girl
                      True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2007
                      • 130
                      #6
                      Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                      Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                      You be careful little girl! Remember the ten commandments. You must honor your mother and father!
                      I love my Mawmmy; she dun't have ta' love me. Jeevus sez. I din't do nuthin wrong.

                      ...pwease don't be mean ta' me.

                        Comment

                        • Pastor Ezekiel
                          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                           
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 78556
                          #7
                          Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                          Originally posted by Five Year Old Girl View Post
                          I love my Mawmmy; she dun't have ta' love me. Jeevus sez. I din't do nuthin wrong.

                          ...pwease don't be mean ta' me.
                          Jesus loves you, so He's going to send you straight down to hell unless you do everything He wants. And your mommy too! Glory!!
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • Brother Temperance
                              Senior Usher
                              True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                              A very nice young man
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 15621
                              #8
                              Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                              That commie Martin Luther C**n called himself a Baptist. Evidently he'd never got as far as 1 Romans 13 in the Bible.
                              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                Comment

                                • SUV
                                  True Christian™ Princess
                                  The Driving Force behind RA12
                                  Have at it, anytime!
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 11027
                                  #9
                                  Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                  They've GOT to stop putting that Hellyween Candy out for sale - I think a Certain™ little someone got an overdose

                                    Comment

                                    • SalvationSeeker
                                      True Christian™ Theologian
                                      Forum Member
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 3892
                                      #10
                                      Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                      Originally posted by Five Year Old Girl View Post
                                      I love my Mawmmy; she dun't have ta' love me. Jeevus sez. I din't do nuthin wrong.

                                      ...pwease don't be mean ta' me.
                                      Yeah, if you aren't a nice little girl:
                                      Jesus will throw you to satan and his demons, and they will rip you to shreds.. hear that?
                                      But.. You really want to behave and be good, now don't you?

                                      Has your parents ever said anything bad about Jesus or the Church, or a pastor?
                                      Don't lie.. Jesus will know, and then he's going to toss you to the devil!
                                      If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                                      A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                                      Proverbs 9:12-13

                                        Comment

                                        • Brother Lindh
                                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                          • Feb 2007
                                          • 130
                                          #11
                                          Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                          Jesus loves you, so He's going to send you straight down to hell unless you do everything He wants. And your mommy too! Glory!!
                                          In Days of the Prophet (PBUH) such a female of five years of the age would have been hamood to harmony by 72 of the best camel herders. Perhaps also Pastor Ezee Keel would benefit from the attention of 72 of the best camel herders. We invite him to Afghani.

                                          Praise Allah!

                                            Comment

                                            • Sister Noddy
                                              True Christian™
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Jun 2007
                                              • 1843
                                              #12
                                              Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                              Originally posted by Brother Lindh View Post

                                              In Days of the Prophet (PBUH) such a female of five years of the age would have been hamood to harmony by 72 of the best camel herders. Perhaps also Pastor Ezee Keel would benefit from the attention of 72 of the best camel herders. We invite him to Afghani.

                                              Praise Allah!
                                              Too bad for you these are no longer the days of the prophet (peace not be upon him) and there are no smelly camel herders here in the wholesome True Christian™ picket-fence communities of our GODLY America ...

                                              ... and you just keep your dirty mitts off our little lady Five Year, if you know what's good for you, hanky-head ...
                                              1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                                              1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...

                                              1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                                              Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                                              Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                                                Comment

                                                • eliot mayfield
                                                  God Squad
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • Sep 2006
                                                  • 9324
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                                  You'll be happy adults are mean to you when you're in Heaven sitting on a cloud playing your harp. You'll think, "I'm so happy those people at Landover were mean to me and kept me on the straight and narrow and I'm not in hell."
                                                  Matthew:
                                                  5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                                                  5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                                                  10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                                                  10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                                                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                                                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                                       
                                                      • Sep 2006
                                                      • 78556
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                                      Originally posted by Brother Lindh View Post
                                                      Perhaps also Pastor Ezee Keel would benefit from the attention of 72 of the best camel herders. We invite him to Afghani.

                                                      Praise Allah!
                                                      Dear vile terrorist;

                                                      I am a Masculine True Christian™ White Male Pastor in his 20's. I am not sexually attractive to you. Your type only fornicates with preteen girls (the younger the better), camels and goats. Just like your false prophet Moohamad (piss be upon him).

                                                      If you'd like to go a few rounds with me one-on-one, why I'd be more than happy to put you out of your misery. You and your hellbound diaperheads. If it weren't for the fact that the DOF has ordered me to stay put and continue doing God's Work, I'd be over there in Islamistan going Jack Bauer on your ass right now. Praise Jesus.
                                                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Pastor Isaac Peters
                                                          Senior Pastor
                                                          Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                                                          Always Biblically correct
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • Sep 2006
                                                          • 10639
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: I know bout Mormings 'n Josephy-Hos, but...

                                                          Sweetie, a nice little girl like you doesn't want to go to heck. No, you don't. You want to grow up to be a fine young True Christian™ lady so you can marry a saved man and submit to him as though he were God, 'cause that's what makes Jesus happy.

                                                          You know what else makes Jesus happy? Do you know what tithing is? Does your mommy give you an allowance?
                                                          This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                                                          Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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