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A big "Howdy" from Wacko, Texas. Today is Monday, and I'm almost glad, because I had a very busy weekend. Aside from church attendance, me and my friends in Operation Rescue held a tent revival over the weekend at the Wacko County Fairgrounds. It was hard work but I think it went well - a lot of curious people just came to see us play with rattlesnakes, but we managed to convert quite a few of them despite their initial skepticism (you'd be amazed how many people will accept Jesus when you hold them down and place a rattlesnake just 6 inches from their face).
Well, like I said, today is Monday, so of course I had to go to work. Got up at 7 am this morning, grabbed my bullhorn and headed down to the Wacko Abortion Clinic expecting to spend a full day blasting harlots with inspirational messages and slitting tires in the parking lot. However, to my surprise, the clinic wasn't open, and a sign on the door indicated that they were closed for Columbus Day.
Now that kind of surprised me, because I thought that Columbus Day was October 12. But then you know, I've been in the Happydale Asylum for several years, and thorazine kind of affects my memory. So I asked around, and found out that Columbus Day used to be October 12, but now it's been moved to the second Monday in October. That upset me a wee bit cause, you know, it's a sacred patriotic holiday.
OK, I know that Christopher Columbus wasn't perfect. I mean, he was a spaghetti bender from Genoa, but he claimed to be a "navigator." Yeah, right - he was trying to sail to India, but the dummy sailed in the wrong direction (west instead of east). Guess he didn't know how to read a compass, but what can you expect from an Italian? Anywho, by shear accident he discovered the United States of America. He also found that there were already Indians there, though this was long before they took over the software and call center business.
So even though he was a dumb wop (and a Catholic too), you do have to give Columbus credit for discovering America. He also brought Jesus and smallpox to the Indians, making the New World safe for democracy. I mean, if it wasn't for Columbus, we'd all be speaking Hindi instead of American. Furthermore, instead of President Bush, our present-day leader would be some wimpy guy who looks like Gandhi, and the US capital city would be called New Bangalore.
So all things considered, Columbus did a lot of good and deserves to be honored, even if he is burning in hell right now for being a Catholic. He kicked Indian terrorist butt, and if he'd had the good fortune to have been born in England rather than Spaghetti-land, he might have even become a Baptist.
But now, here's what upsets me. I've discovered that there's this whole anti-Columbus Day movement. Just take a look at this entry from Wikipedia:
In the summer of 1990, 350 Native Americans, representatives from all over the hemisphere, met in Quito, Ecuador, at the first intercontinental gathering of indigenous people in the Americas, to mobilize against the quincentennial celebration of Columbus Day. The following summer, in Davis, California, over a hundred Native Americans gathered for a follow-up meeting to the Quito conference. They declared October 12th, 1992, International Day of Solidarity with Indigenous People.
The largest ecumenical body in the United States, the National Council of Churches, called on Christians to refrain from celebrating the Columbus quincentennial, saying, "What represented newness of freedom, hope, and opportunity for some was the occasion for oppression, degradation and genocide for others."
Once again, it's those leftist liberals - probably being led by the Clintons - who are attacking a great American holiday. The next thing you know, they'll be telling us not to celebrate Thanksgiving because it's genocide against turkeys.
Are we going to stand for this?
Well, like I said, today is Monday, so of course I had to go to work. Got up at 7 am this morning, grabbed my bullhorn and headed down to the Wacko Abortion Clinic expecting to spend a full day blasting harlots with inspirational messages and slitting tires in the parking lot. However, to my surprise, the clinic wasn't open, and a sign on the door indicated that they were closed for Columbus Day.
Now that kind of surprised me, because I thought that Columbus Day was October 12. But then you know, I've been in the Happydale Asylum for several years, and thorazine kind of affects my memory. So I asked around, and found out that Columbus Day used to be October 12, but now it's been moved to the second Monday in October. That upset me a wee bit cause, you know, it's a sacred patriotic holiday.
OK, I know that Christopher Columbus wasn't perfect. I mean, he was a spaghetti bender from Genoa, but he claimed to be a "navigator." Yeah, right - he was trying to sail to India, but the dummy sailed in the wrong direction (west instead of east). Guess he didn't know how to read a compass, but what can you expect from an Italian? Anywho, by shear accident he discovered the United States of America. He also found that there were already Indians there, though this was long before they took over the software and call center business.
So even though he was a dumb wop (and a Catholic too), you do have to give Columbus credit for discovering America. He also brought Jesus and smallpox to the Indians, making the New World safe for democracy. I mean, if it wasn't for Columbus, we'd all be speaking Hindi instead of American. Furthermore, instead of President Bush, our present-day leader would be some wimpy guy who looks like Gandhi, and the US capital city would be called New Bangalore.
So all things considered, Columbus did a lot of good and deserves to be honored, even if he is burning in hell right now for being a Catholic. He kicked Indian terrorist butt, and if he'd had the good fortune to have been born in England rather than Spaghetti-land, he might have even become a Baptist.
But now, here's what upsets me. I've discovered that there's this whole anti-Columbus Day movement. Just take a look at this entry from Wikipedia:
In the summer of 1990, 350 Native Americans, representatives from all over the hemisphere, met in Quito, Ecuador, at the first intercontinental gathering of indigenous people in the Americas, to mobilize against the quincentennial celebration of Columbus Day. The following summer, in Davis, California, over a hundred Native Americans gathered for a follow-up meeting to the Quito conference. They declared October 12th, 1992, International Day of Solidarity with Indigenous People.
The largest ecumenical body in the United States, the National Council of Churches, called on Christians to refrain from celebrating the Columbus quincentennial, saying, "What represented newness of freedom, hope, and opportunity for some was the occasion for oppression, degradation and genocide for others."
Once again, it's those leftist liberals - probably being led by the Clintons - who are attacking a great American holiday. The next thing you know, they'll be telling us not to celebrate Thanksgiving because it's genocide against turkeys.
Are we going to stand for this?
.
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