Captain Crunch's heresies (split from False Religions Register)

[Capatain]

Moderator note: Split from False Religions Register

You listed Muslims but the word Muslim means "one who submits", so that could apply to anyone of any religion.
Rather you should list Islam or Islamics. Those murderouscretians really suck.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: False Religions Register

You listed Muslims but the word Muslim means "one who submits", so that could apply to anyone of any religion.
Rather you should list Islam or Islamics. Those murderouscretians really suck.

Well Capn, I think you might need to study your Bible a bit more before presuming to question the Divine guidance of any Pastor on these Godly boards. The mudslimes "submit" to fornication with camels, it is true. But that is no reason to smear all religions of the world with your bigotry. Show a little respect!

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

Well Capn, I think you might need to study your Bible a bit more before presuming to question the Divine guidance of any Pastor on these Godly boards. The mudslimes "submit" to fornication with camels, it is true. But that is no reason to smear all religions of the world with your bigotry. Show a little respect!

You're Islamic, aren't you? It's okay to bash everyone else but not them?

P.S. There is no Freehold, Iowa

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: False Religions Register

You're Islamic, aren't you? It's okay to bash everyone else but not them?

P.S. There is no Freehold, Iowa

Friend, it is not a wise course to barge into God's favorite forum and make wild accusations. You will not find any satan-worshiping islamofascists lurking in these boards, at least not for long.

As most churches liberalize themselves and reject the commandments written by God in the Holy Bible, the Landover Baptist Church continues to do exactly what scripture teaches every Christian to do. And that is to keep the temple of the living God a clean vessel, untarnished by even a hint of fellowship with the unrighteous.

"Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds" (2 John 1:9-11).

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you." (2 Corinthians 6:14-17).

We pray that God sends his Holy Spirit upon this Christian Nation and opens up the hearts of other Bible believing Christians so that they will adopt the same Bible-based policy that has kept our church strong for nearly 217 Godly years. For a list of common-sense reasons for keeping unsaved people out of your church click here.

We are a Bible believing, Fundamentalist, Independent Baptist Church. We are 157,286 members strong. Our Church Campus is located in Freehold, Iowa and rests on 35 acres of some of the most beautiful country you'd ever care to set your eyes upon. Our church holds 28 paid pastors, 131 paid deacons, 412 full time staff members, LCA (Landover Christian Academy), LCU (Landover Christian University), 11 fully equipped chapels, Four 2,000 seat sanctuaries, Three 5,000 seat main sanctuaries, the world's largest Christian Mall, a Christian Amusement Park (Landover Bible Theme Park and Red Sea World), A PGA 18 Hole Golf Course, 3 Fitness Centers, 4 Olympic sized swimming pools, Landover Village, Landover Towers, Landover Retirement Community, Center For 2 Churches On Every City Block Foundation, Leviticus Landing (An Exclusive Gated Executive Christian Community for Platinum Tithers™), Exodus Acres (Gold Tithers' Gated Community), *27 Developments, Landover All Purpose Multi-Temple, Spa and Resort Center, Fire Department, 100,000 seat amphitheater, 12 Television studios, 2 radio stations, A Christian Circus Camp, Retreat Center for Republican Candidates, 3 Corporate Christian Office Parks, hot springs, 8 cemeteries, and 243 fully certified Christian police officers.

A Godly Warning:

We Believe in the WHOLE Bible (1611 KJV). We don't throw out the parts that make us feel uncomfortable, like the book of Leviticus. We bid you greetings, friend. We do not read, eat, consume, digest, or 'try on' any product that is not made and manufactured by born-again, Bible believing, Fundamentalist Baptist Christians, and we would have you know that we condemn anyone that does, and pray as King David did, 'against them' for a quick end and a speedy journey to a very hot place, where they can spend out all eternity honoring our Lord and Maker in a literal lake of fire, Amen. Please find our site a blessing.!

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

Friend, it is not a wise course to barge into God's favorite forum and make wild accusations. You will not find any satan-worshiping islamofascists lurking in these boards, at least not for long.

As most churches liberalize themselves and reject the commandments written by God in the Holy Bible, the Landover Baptist Church continues to do exactly what scripture teaches every Christian to do. And that is to keep the temple of the living God a clean vessel, untarnished by even a hint of fellowship with the unrighteous.

"Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds" (2 John 1:9-11).

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you." (2 Corinthians 6:14-17).

We pray that God sends his Holy Spirit upon this Christian Nation and opens up the hearts of other Bible believing Christians so that they will adopt the same Bible-based policy that has kept our church strong for nearly 217 Godly years. For a list of common-sense reasons for keeping unsaved people out of your church click here.

We are a Bible believing, Fundamentalist, Independent Baptist Church. We are 157,286 members strong. Our Church Campus is located in Freehold, Iowa and rests on 35 acres of some of the most beautiful country you'd ever care to set your eyes upon. Our church holds 28 paid pastors, 131 paid deacons, 412 full time staff members, LCA (Landover Christian Academy), LCU (Landover Christian University), 11 fully equipped chapels, Four 2,000 seat sanctuaries, Three 5,000 seat main sanctuaries, the world's largest Christian Mall, a Christian Amusement Park (Landover Bible Theme Park and Red Sea World), A PGA 18 Hole Golf Course, 3 Fitness Centers, 4 Olympic sized swimming pools, Landover Village, Landover Towers, Landover Retirement Community, Center For 2 Churches On Every City Block Foundation, Leviticus Landing (An Exclusive Gated Executive Christian Community for Platinum Tithers™), Exodus Acres (Gold Tithers' Gated Community), *27 Developments, Landover All Purpose Multi-Temple, Spa and Resort Center, Fire Department, 100,000 seat amphitheater, 12 Television studios, 2 radio stations, A Christian Circus Camp, Retreat Center for Republican Candidates, 3 Corporate Christian Office Parks, hot springs, 8 cemeteries, and 243 fully certified Christian police officers.

A Godly Warning:

We Believe in the WHOLE Bible (1611 KJV). We don't throw out the parts that make us feel uncomfortable, like the book of Leviticus. We bid you greetings, friend. We do not read, eat, consume, digest, or 'try on' any product that is not made and manufactured by born-again, Bible believing, Fundamentalist Baptist Christians, and we would have you know that we condemn anyone that does, and pray as King David did, 'against them' for a quick end and a speedy journey to a very hot place, where they can spend out all eternity honoring our Lord and Maker in a literal lake of fire, Amen. Please find our site a blessing.!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: False Religions Register

Listen homer, we don't take kindly to God mockers. Better watch your step, or Jesus will send you to hell sooner rather than later.

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

How do you know what Jesus is planning? Besides, Jesus doesn't send anyone to hell. People send themselves. And I thought we were living in an age of grace whereby any sin will be forgiven except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? If slander was considered the unforgivable sin then you and your slanderous website would be closer to commiting blasphemy against the Holy Spirit than I am. If you think I can't see what you're doing, guess again.

The apostle Paul must have had you people in mind when he said in Romans 2:24 "For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you," as it is written.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: False Religions Register

How do you know what Jesus is planning?

Warning: SPOILER


Second warning: SPOILER



Really! I am going to spoil this homer's silly question!

>

>


>



>


We don't need to wait for the movie. We have read The Book.


Besides, Jesus doesn't send anyone to hell. People send themselves.

Oh, I see that you are one of those "feelgood" Christians who has not bothered to actually READ the Bible, but just imagines what you want it to say.

Fear Him who, after He has killed, has power to cast into hell; yes, I say to you, fear Him!

Luke 12:5; see also Revelation 20:11-15


And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
Matthew 10:28


This you shall have from My hand: You shall lie down in torment.

Isaiah 50:11


The Master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him and at an hour that he is not aware of, and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Matthew 24:50-51

Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire. Matthew 25:41

And I thought we were living in an age of grace whereby any sin will be forgiven except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit?

YOU 'thought', eh? YOU THOUGHT WRONG!


If slander was considered the unforgivable sin then you and your slanderous website would be closer to commiting blasphemy against the Holy Spirit than I am. If you think I can't see what you're doing, guess again.

The apostle Paul must have had you people in mind when he said in Romans 2:24 "For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you," as it is written.

Oh great. Another dumb Catlicker. Get thee hence, SATAN!

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

I'm not a catlicker. I knew they were evil when you were still sucking on a pacifier. You're one of those Satanists who twist scripture to suit themselves. That's Satans favorite trick.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: False Religions Register

I'm not a catlicker. I knew they were evil when you were still sucking on a pacifier. You're one of those Satanists who twist scripture to suit themselves. That's Satans favorite trick.

Satan's favorite trick is to accuse TRUE CHRISTIANS(TM) of twisting Scripture. But I don't twist it. I quote it, IN CONTEXT. If you want to argue with the Bible, fine. Don't accuse ME of not reading it correctly. If you have scripture backing up what you erroneously 'think' let's have it.

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

Oh, I see that you are one of those "feelgood" Christians who has not bothered to actually READ the Bible, but just imagines what you want it to say.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing? And yes, I have read the Bible and God and Jesus arent the blood thirsty boogey men you make them out to be.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: False Religions Register

Oh, I see that you are one of those "feelgood" Christians who has not bothered to actually READ the Bible, but just imagines what you want it to say.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing? And yes, I have read the Bible and God and Jesus arent the blood thirsty boogey men you make them out to be.

How DARE you call Jesus a boogeyman , and how can you be so stupid as to make a difference between Jesus and God it is the same!
Obviously, it is you who haven't read the Bible (KJV1611) as you don't even know that.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: False Religions Register

Oh, I see that you are one of those "feelgood" Christians who has not bothered to actually READ the Bible, but just imagines what you want it to say.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing?

Certainly not! I preach the Bible EXACTLY AS IT IS WRITTEN!

And yes, I have read the Bible and God and Jesus arent the blood thirsty boogey men you make them out to be.

Let me first tell you that our LORD GOD is not to be referred to as a 'bloody boogyman' in this forum under penalty of immediate death. I am giving you 500 infraction points for so describing our Heavenly Father!

Secondly, allow me, as a theologian, to inform you that GOD has killed everything that has ever lived and has promised to kill every human who ever DOES live, just not all at once anymore. That means you and your family. That's just the simple fact as GOD has so informed us in the Bible.

SATAN is not allowed to kill anyone, but only to torment the dregs of humanity which GOD has chosen to toss into HELL, and that is ALMOST EVERYONE according to JESUS.

Now son, you find me a Book in the Bible which shows that GOD is who you think He is and I'll show you the Scripture proving I am right. Fair enough? But please don't bother trying my (or JESUS') patience with any of those silly 'edited' Bibles. The KJV1611 is the only Bible that is genuine and accurate.

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

Oh, I see that you are one of those "feelgood" Christians who has not bothered to actually READ the Bible, but just imagines what you want it to say.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing? And yes, I have read the Bible and God and Jesus arent the blood thirsty boogey men you make them out to be.

You overlooked this one:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

It goes on but I'm sure you know it by heart, good Biblically literate Christian that you are.

[Capatain]

Re: False Religions Register

Oh, I see that you are one of those "feelgood" Christians who has not bothered to actually READ the Bible, but just imagines what you want it to say.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing? And yes, I have read the Bible and God and Jesus are the blood thirsty boogeymen you make them out to be.

Let me first tell you that our LORD GOD is not to be referred to as a 'bloody boogeyman' in this forum under penalty of immediate death. I am giving you 500 infraction points for so describing our Heavenly Father!

Secondly, allow me, as a theologian, to inform you that GOD has killed everything that has ever lived and has promised to kill every human who ever DOES live, just not all at once anymore. That means you and your family. That's just the simple fact as GOD has so informed us in the Bible.

SATAN is not allowed to kill anyone, but only to torment the dregs of humanity which GOD has chosen to toss into HELL, and that is ALMOST EVERYONE according to JESUS.

Now son, you find me a Book in the Bible which shows that GOD is who you think He is and I'll show you the Scripture proving I am right. Fair enough? But please don't bother trying my (or JESUS') patience with any of those silly 'edited' Bibles. The KJV1611 is the only Bible that is genuine and accurate.

I am using the KJV1611 version. You haven't outright called God a bloodthirsty boogyman but every verse you quote makes Him look like one. You pick and choose the nastiest verses you can find to try to intimidate and mock, not the unsaved, but Christians. You're trying your best to make Christians look as nutty as the Islamic extremists. Granted, Christians are crazy but that's the fault of "churches" like you who lead the gullible astray.

Judgement begins at the pulpit, friend.

In regards to Satan: Satan is locked up right now and can't outright kill anyone but can influence his cronies (people like you) to do it for him. You have mocked and slandered God and Jesus with every word you have typed and every slanderous phrase and picture you have posted. Galatians 6:7 " Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."
Go ahead and give me a million infractions. Ban me if you want to. I could care less. But you'll get yours. If not from God then maybe from the Federal Communications Commission or some other influential group that can get your blasphemous asses off the web. Good luck and God Bless.