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  • Bjorn Jensen
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Apr 2012
    • 2355

    #1

    God hates Quakers

    Today i heard about this cult called Quakers, who claims to be Christians. I looked it up, and found out, not very surprisingly, that they are not Christians at all. Quakers is infact one of the biggest threats against America and Christianity, and should be considered as un-American. Here is what these oatmeal munching commie liberal feminazi pretend-to-be-Christians believes:
    http://www.conservapedia.com/Quakers

    Quakers were active leaders of many American reform movements past and present, especially abolition of slavery, Indians' rights, prohibition, women's rights, civil rights, prison reform, hospital reform, and world peace.
    Role of women
    One of their most radical innovations was a more nearly equal role for women. Despite the survival of strong patriarchal elements, they believed in the spiritual equality of women, who were allowed to take a far more active role than had ordinarily existed before the emergence of radical civil war sects.
    Liberal Quakers
    Liberal Quakers are Friends with distinctly liberal social and political views such as the right to choose abortion as an aspect of equal rights for women and/or as a personal matter between the woman and God. The American Friends Service Committee (an independent Quaker organization with participants of many faiths) provides international programs for economic and justice, peace, and humanitarian aid in disasters. Liberal Quakers do not believe that Satan causes suffering. Some believe suffering is part of God's plan, will, or design, even if we don't immediately understand it. Some don't believe in any spiritual reasons for suffering.
    Peace

    Quakers have a strong pacifist tradition. The Society of Friends is, along with the Mennonites and the Plymouth Brethren one of the historic peace churches.
    Although Quakers revere the Bible and quote from it extensively, they do not consider it as authoritative as the Inner Light. They deny the special authority of an ordained clergy and reject all ritual in religious worship. They believe that a true church is created by the fellowship of man rather than a building people meet in to worship. Small groups of Quakers gather weekly for devotion in "meetings" where members usually sit together silently in a bare room, waiting for the Inward Christ to speak through one of them who may be inspired to "give testimony." There is no altar, no recitation of prayers, and no hymn singing at the meeting. The Bible is rejected as the authoritative word of God and replaced with the authoritative messages of the Inward Christ.
    How DARE they claim that they are Christians?!
  • Didymus Much
    Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
    • Jun 2010
    • 14076

    #2
    Re: God hates Quakers

    Originally posted by Ex-Viking View Post
    ...The Bible is rejected as the authoritative word of God and replaced with the authoritative messages of the Inward Christ...
    Wait!! I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM MY INWARD CHRIST!! HERE IT COMES!!...












    Oh sorry it was just gas.

    Comment

    • MitzaLizalor
      Completely CRAZY for the Lord
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2010
      • 14235

      #3
      Re: God hates Quakers

      Recently I spent some time with a young gentleman who (I'm just guessing here) thought our Church was a Quaker turnout. During meetings he would often speak, informing congregants that I was demon possessed for example. Additionally we would meet in houses and in close proximity he was often observed to be wobbling. After a year or so the wobbling developed into quaking all over, rather like the watusi or a steatopygiac booty call.
      Whilst seated.
      Unfortunately we were not Quakers so the pastoral team sent him to a psychiatrist where he was declared insane.


      Events such as this illustrate how far from The Truth these quakers have strayed (small "q"). The Quakers (big "Q") as a denomination tend towards wealth I've noticed and as such have more in common with the vatican than any Biblical teaching, a far cry from True Baptists where the only remuneration allowed is strictly for food and shelter (and clothes and transport I suppose so that The Word may reach others) with no surplus remaining for abject frippery such as multinational consumer conglomerates.
      Praise Jesus!

      __________________________________________________
      There is no mention of Quakers in The Bible. Or catholics (although the Romans seem to have wobbled off the path quite early). Only Baptists are mentioned in God's Word.

      a Quaker c.1650: George Fox, Englishman

      Comment

      • WilliamJenningsBryan
        True Christian™
         
        • Jan 2007
        • 9384

        #4
        Re: God hates Quakers

        Quakers, Shakers, Amish, Amana, Anabaptists, Hutterites, Mennonites and Hemonites – you don't hear much about these Satan inspired cults anymore. The Shakers are noteworthy in that they do not have sex, so they never produce any soldiers for Christ – it's amazing that they survived at all but I think there are still a few of them left. One of these "religions" used to make kitchen appliances like refrigerators and stoves, but the name escapes me at the moment.
        Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
        brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
        ...and get off my lawn
        sigpic

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78553

          #5
          Re: God hates Quakers

          Not to mention the vile Luddites.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • Johny Joe Hold
            Mayor of Freehold
             
            • Feb 2010
            • 12506

            #6
            Re: God hates Quakers

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            Not to mention the vile Luddites.
            I've heard about those terrible Luddites. They were against capitalism and progress. Definitely not True Christians™.
            Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

            Comment

            • MitzaLizalor
              Completely CRAZY for the Lord
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2010
              • 14235

              #7
              Re: God hates Quakers

              Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
              I've heard about those terrible Luddites. They were against capitalism and progress. Definitely not True Christians™.
              It's the same with Quakers. Employers refuse to "just sack people" (for example to improve the efficiency of a manufacturing process when new American methods become available). And the response from government?

              Haul them up before a judicial tribunal and sharpen the guillotine
              [these wretches] were severely persecuted by the Church and State. At one time there were 4,000 of them in loathsome prisons in England..
              Many died in prison or from the effects of imprisonment. Grievous fines were imposed, a large portion of which went to informers..

              Comment

              • lukasekman
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Mar 2011
                • 614

                #8
                Re: God hates Quakers

                How about the Godly president Richard Nixon? Did he refudiate the liberal anti-heritage ideas of other Quakers?

                sigpicCorporal Punishment Advisor, U.S. Department of Family Values
                Cyber-bullying Instructor, Christian Commission on Human Rights
                Apple CEO is gay - Important DFV security considerations
                Higgs field theory disproved - Universe is a cotton field
                Viagra forces man to have his penis amputated

                Comment

                • MitzaLizalor
                  Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2010
                  • 14235

                  #9
                  Re: God hates Quakers

                  Originally posted by lukasekman View Post
                  How about the Godly president Richard Nixon? Did he refudiate the liberal anti-heritage ideas of other Quakers?
                  Well, he opened the door to East Asian manufacturing and personnel arrangements. Probably the best authority would be Mr FreeMarketFred? There are probably some Quakers in Shanghai but I'm not sure about Victoria City or Macau, although Macau does have a high life expectancy.

                  Comment

                  • Rev. M. Rodimer
                    Honorary True Christian™
                    Forum Member
                    • May 2008
                    • 13996

                    #10
                    Re: God hates Quakers

                    Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                    Well, he opened the door to East Asian manufacturing and personnel arrangements. Probably the best authority would be Mr FreeMarketFred? There are probably some Quakers in Shanghai but I'm not sure about Victoria City or Macau, although Macau does have a high life expectancy.
                    He also brought us the Environmental Protection Agency.
                    Bible boring? Nonsense!
                    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                    Comment

                    • Free Market Fred
                      The Prophet of Profit, Now Giving Financial Advice to Jesus in Heaven
                      True Christian™
                      • Dec 2009
                      • 803

                      #11
                      Re: God hates Quakers

                      Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                      Well, he opened the door to East Asian manufacturing and personnel arrangements. Probably the best authority would be Mr FreeMarketFred? There are probably some Quakers in Shanghai but I'm not sure about Victoria City or Macau, although Macau does have a high life expectancy.
                      Why yes, Sister Mitza, there are indeed Chink Quakers. We've got them employed at my company's oatmeal factory just outside of Shanghai. I've got a group photo of them when they turned out for a birthday party thrown in my honor:



                      They even sang Happy Birthday to me in English - they'd been practicing all week. Unfortunately, they didn't realize that my company also owns the copyright on the Happy Birthday song, thus they were guilty of copyright infringement so we had to add five years to their sentences.

                      Anyway, we're shutting down the US manufacturing plant for Quaker Oatmeal and moving the whole operation to China. Also introducing a slightly modified photo on the box since the old one looked gay.



                      Although a little off-topic, since I'm talking about China, I thought I'd announce that we just got our stacked Supreme Court to rule that since our Chink prisoners make products for the US market, they should have the right to vote in US elections. We've already started the early voting procedure.



                      So far Mitt Romney has been polling an amazing 100%!
                      Praise Jesus!
                      Brother Fred
                      CEO, The Uranus Corporation
                      Put your faith in Uranus!

                      sigpic

                      Comment

                      • Carl the wop
                        Forum Member
                        Forum Member
                        • Oct 2012
                        • 462

                        #12
                        Re: God hates Quakers

                        Should all us real Christians refrain from eating Oat products until we are ABSOLUTELY sure it's not a Quaker plot to infect us with a cultish virus??
                        Recovering Catholic.

                        Helping restore the "bully" to the "bully pulpit"

                        Aspiring to be God's Bouncer..

                        Comment

                        • Zechariah Smyth
                          Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                          True Christian™
                          • Feb 2011
                          • 15251

                          #13
                          Re: God hates Quakers

                          Originally posted by Carlos the banker View Post
                          Should all us real Christians refrain from eating Oat products until we are ABSOLUTELY sure it's not a Quaker plot to infect us with a cultish virus??
                          Sorry, but I'm not going to allow a bunch of buggy-jockeys to dictate my menu.



                          YiC,

                          Zech
                          sigpic

                          Comment

                          • Capt. Aaron Portway
                            One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
                            Salvation from Above
                            God's Favorite Pilot™
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2008
                            • 6309

                            #14
                            Re: God hates Quakers

                            Stupid button-hating weirdos! Hey Quakers, the 18th century called, and they want their stuff back!

                            Oh, but since you're afraid of phones, I bet you didn't get the message . . .
                            sigpic


                            Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                            God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                            Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                            Comment

                            • Carl the wop
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Oct 2012
                              • 462

                              #15
                              Re: God hates Quakers

                              Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
                              Sorry, but I'm not going to allow a bunch of buggy-jockeys to dictate my menu.



                              YiC,

                              Zech
                              Then I won't either!!
                              Recovering Catholic.

                              Helping restore the "bully" to the "bully pulpit"

                              Aspiring to be God's Bouncer..

                              Comment

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