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  • OnYourKnees
    On Extended Furlough
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2006
    • 4729
    #1

    What atheists really worship

    Originally posted by More Saved Than Thou View Post
    It gets worse. Atheists, in their more candid moments, admit that they worship a demon called the Invisible Pink Unicorn. That proves that this is all part of a seamless web of evil, cast by the devil himself.
    Maybe some so-called atheists (I think perhaps you've mixed them up with homers) worship the Pink Unicorn, but I have it on good information that true atheists worship something far more horrifying.


    That's right, these wastes of flesh worship a FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!

    You can read all about this horrifying cult at www.veganza.org.

    Ladies, please either be sure a Pastor is with you to explain the bizarre images you'll see, or avert your eyes entirely. We don't want the sight of this site to confuse your feeble minds, already overworked with thoughts of laundry and dusting and cooking and gardening, and how to ensure that your servants are doing all of these things to your husband's satisfaction.
    Tags: atheists: vain godless scum, fsm:unholy noodle cult
    • Pastor Isaac Peters
      Senior Pastor
      Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
      Always Biblically correct
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 10639
      #2
      Re: What atheists really worship

      Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
      ...some so-called atheists (I think perhaps you've mixed them up with homers)....
      How much of a difference is there?
      This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

      Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

      sigpic

        Comment

        • tommy
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Oct 2006
          • 392
          #3
          Re: What atheists really worship

          Possibly no difference
          The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
          Exodus 15:3

            Comment

            • Poetic Peter
              Christian Poet Emeritus
              Forum Member
              • Nov 2006
              • 1696
              #4
              Re: What atheists really worship

              Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
              Maybe some so-called atheists (I think perhaps you've mixed them up with homers) worship the Pink Unicorn, but I have it on good information that true atheists worship something far more horrifying.


              That's right, these wastes of flesh worship a FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!

              You can read all about this horrifying cult at www.veganza.org.

              Ladies, please either be sure a Pastor is with you to explain the bizarre images you'll see, or avert your eyes entirely. We don't want the sight of this site to confuse your feeble minds, already overworked with thoughts of laundry and dusting and cooking and gardening, and how to ensure that your servants are doing all of these things to your husband's satisfaction.
              One question: which are its eyes and which are its meatballs?

              If the upper set are the progenative thingies, then it is
              clearly a long-married monster, and I hold only pity for it.


              Peter
              married

                Comment

                • SUV
                  True Christian™ Princess
                  The Driving Force behind RA12
                  Have at it, anytime!
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 11027
                  #5
                  Re: What atheists really worship

                  I once had a cat that had a..."personal problem"...which looked very much like this.

                  Yet more Evidence of the Sinful nature of cats.

                    Comment

                    • OnYourKnees
                      On Extended Furlough
                      True Christian™
                      • Nov 2006
                      • 4729
                      #6
                      Re: What atheists really worship

                      I believe that some homers are atheists, but not all atheists are homers.

                      Some atheists are petta-files (they like lambs, sheep, or other furry creatures). This is why atheists should never be allowed near good Christian petting zoos; they become aroused and begin stroking a lamb, gently at first, then more vigorously, rubbing and touching and even sometimes spanking, until both atheist and lamb collapse in an exhausted, sweaty, sticky pile.

                      Disgusting.

                        Comment

                        • SUV
                          True Christian™ Princess
                          The Driving Force behind RA12
                          Have at it, anytime!
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 11027
                          #7
                          Re: What atheists really worship

                          Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                          I believe that some homers are atheists, but not all atheists are homers.
                          Since when, Brother? Since WHEN?

                          Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                          Some atheists are petta-files (they like lambs, sheep, or other furry creatures). This is why atheists should never be allowed near good Christian petting zoos; they become aroused and begin stroking a lamb, gently at first, then more vigorously, rubbing and touching and even sometimes spanking, until both atheist and lamb collapse in an exhausted, sweaty, sticky pile.

                          Disgusting.
                          This, however, I Believe. Praise!

                            Comment

                            • Arethusa
                              True Christian™
                              True Christian™
                              • Nov 2006
                              • 284
                              #8
                              Re: What atheists really worship

                              Gosh darn it, now I'm hungry. I'll have to make pasta for dinner.
                              Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                              I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                              Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                              Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                              Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                               - Ovid

                                Comment

                                • Brother Temperance
                                  Senior Usher
                                  True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                                  A very nice young man
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 15621
                                  #9
                                  Re: What atheists really worship

                                  Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                                  Gosh darn it, now I'm hungry. I'll have to make pasta for dinner.
                                  And you were doing so well at renouncing Satan and all.
                                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                    Comment

                                    • Arethusa
                                      True Christian™
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Nov 2006
                                      • 284
                                      #10
                                      Re: What atheists really worship

                                      God doesn't want me to eat pasta? But he made it!
                                      Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                                      I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                                      Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                                      Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                                      Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                                       - Ovid

                                        Comment

                                        • Pastor Ezekiel
                                          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                           
                                          • Sep 2006
                                          • 78556
                                          #11
                                          Re: What atheists really worship

                                          Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                                          God doesn't want me to eat pasta? But he made it!
                                          That's why you're getting so porky. Too much thinking about pasta and not enough listening to your pastor.
                                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                            Comment

                                            • tommy
                                              Forum Member
                                              Forum Member
                                              • Oct 2006
                                              • 392
                                              #12
                                              Re: What atheists really worship

                                              Pasta was niot made by God. It was made by Italians who had been opossomized Satans melancholicly-looking Schwerz.
                                              The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
                                              Exodus 15:3

                                                Comment

                                                • Arethusa
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • Nov 2006
                                                  • 284
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: What atheists really worship

                                                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                                  That's why you're getting so porky. Too much thinking about pasta and not enough listening to your pastor.
                                                  I listen to pastors all the time, honest. Pastor Pistle mostly, as he seems to be such a blessed, knowledgeable church leader. Does Pastor-Listening make you lose weight or something? I can't really afford to lose any but I don't want to make Jesus mad.

                                                  Tommy I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are posting.
                                                  Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                                                  I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                                                  Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                                                  Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                                                  Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                                                   - Ovid

                                                    Comment

                                                    • OnYourKnees
                                                      On Extended Furlough
                                                      True Christian™
                                                      • Nov 2006
                                                      • 4729
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: What atheists really worship

                                                      Originally posted by tommy View Post
                                                      Pasta was niot made by God. It was made by Italians who had been opossomized Satans melancholicly-looking Schwerz.
                                                      PRAISE! I believe Tommy is speaking in tongues!

                                                      Acts 19:6 And when Paul laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • tommy
                                                          Forum Member
                                                          Forum Member
                                                          • Oct 2006
                                                          • 392
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: What atheists really worship

                                                          Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                                                          PRAISE! I believe Tommy is speaking in tongues!

                                                          Acts 19:6 And when Paul laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.
                                                          Wow, I guess the holy spirit was talking trough me...

                                                          I'll just...
                                                          The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
                                                          Exodus 15:3

                                                            Comment

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