[Elijah Mee, PhD]

Re: Attention Parents of Dribbling Retarded Spastics

Every Naomi's Moist Pie store has a sign on the door reading "NO RETARDS PERMITTED - LEAVE THEM IN THE CAR (Locked)" and all my employees are trained to spot the obvious signs of retardation, particularly in children. We offer evangelization to the sinful parents, of course, but their outcast families are not welcome in my establishments. Glory to God for the right to refuse service. The retarded can forage in our dumpsters if they can reach the flap. (But watch out for that slippery oil on the side!)

PRAISE JESUS!
NRL

You may also want to suggest to your retard-owning patrons that they close their car windows. Those pesky spastics will do anything to escape, especially on a hot day.