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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Old 06-12-2014, 03:51 PM
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Default Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals
A guide for those without the "gaydar"



Introduction
We all know why it's crucial to identify butt pirates. I won't go into that here. If you don't already know, maybe you should pick up a Bible or something.

In an ideal world, the undesirable segment of society would be made to wear an identifying marker at all times. This worked well with Jews in Germany in the 1930s up until the point where the Nazis tried to off them all. Now, I'm not advocating that here - and I'm definitely not suggesting that you should break any local laws - but if God were to decide to do a little spring cleaning, we'd be making his job a lot easier with fag armbands.

I decided to take to Paint to demonstrate what the future could look like. I would love to say that my little daughter did the drawing but I don't have any kids because my God-mocking wife is still popping the baby killer pills. But, whatever, that's not even relevant here. I just don't understand what her problem is. Never mind, let's move on.



It's a primitive first draft, okay?

Here's what it might look like attached to an actual homosexual's limp wrist:



Notice how well it gels with his general attire and appearance. I personally see no reason why fags wouldn't love this fabulous fashion accessory! It's a win-win!

Anyway, it strikes me that I've digressed massively so I will continue.

Look, the persecuted status of Christians these days means we have no hope of seeing fag markers any time soon. We have to make do with what we can get. There any already so many great resources on this very forum for identifying fags from afar and in casual conversation but what we really need is an infallible acid test. You know, the kind of thing that you would use before casting rocks in the direction of an alleged homosexual.


Enter the spirit level!
As you probably already know, a spirit level is put on top of a (supposedly) horizontal surface to determine how straight that surface is. It has many uses around the house including (but not limited to) putting up shelves, hanging picture frames and beating your wife or kids. As a man, I already possess a spirit level. Ladies, ask your husband for access to his tool. Worst case scenario, you can pick one up at pretty much any decent DIY store.

Given that a spirit level can be used to measure how straight something is, it's a natural fit for identifying homosexuals. Upon placing a spirit level atop the skull of the True Christians™ of this Godly forum, one would expect to see the spirit bubble align perfectly with the centre of the device -- a sure sign of pure desires! When doing the same thing with a fag, however, one would expect a skewed result.

Thus the basic method would be described as follows:
1. Put spirit level on top of head.
2. Examine spirit bubble.
3. Central = straight, skewed = not straight.

Unfortunately, this doesn't actually work. You see, human skulls aren't flat. They're sort of curved. In fact, the mere ability to balance a spirit level on one's head without assistance may be a sign of witchcraft.

Like all scientists, however, I'm not going to let a little thing like being wrong get in my way. I will proceed...


A better way
So, just like my marriage, the obvious method failed. Ever the optimist, I looked for a superior way.

What you need to do is simply hand your spirit level to the suspected homofag. If he immediately attempts to sodomise himself with it, you have found yourself a boner fide gay.

This was a surprisingly obvious solution but it required thinking in ways that I have not considered for many years. To catch a sodomite, you must think like a sodomite.

Anyway, I strongly suggest that you don't actually allow the homosexual to sodomise himself with your spirit level. If you make this mistake, I suggest discarding the AIDS-infected equipment post-haste (perhaps borrow some kitchen gloves from your wife first). Remember that the act of pulling down his leggings and undergarments should be sufficient to prove homosexuality beyond a reasonable doubt. There is no need to allow things to go any further.

I take no responsibility for what you do next after discovering a homofag using this method. Do what you feel you must.

Good luck out there, friends! May your rectums remain safe!
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:20 PM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

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Originally Posted by Elijah Mee, PhD View Post
I would love to say that my little daughter did the drawing but I don't have any kids because my God-mocking wife is still popping the baby killer pills.
You should be disciplining your wife, Brother Mee! Don't allow her to be the cause of you murdering your unborn babies


That said, I'd never thought of using a spirit level. I'll get Mike to get one next time he goes shopping - he's not the most practical of men, if you know what I mean, and doesn't even own a spirit level. If I were to ask him what one was, he would think it was a way to measure how much whisky was in his glass
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Old 06-12-2014, 11:42 PM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

How can I see the position of the bubble without exposing myself to the perp's rectum?
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Old 06-13-2014, 12:20 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

I had these two carpenters working on my house and they called that thing a torpedo level. Big surprise. I'm never hiring those two fags, again.
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Old 06-13-2014, 03:09 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elijah Mee, PhD View Post
This was a surprisingly obvious solution but it required thinking in ways that I have not considered for many years. To catch a sodomite, you must think like a sodomite.
Godly words, but may I also suggest a banana for this?
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Old 06-13-2014, 03:23 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

I'm thinking that there may be something to this spirit level thing, but maybe it's being misapplied. Maybe it's meant to be measured front to back so to speak - tilting to the behind indicated preference for the rectum.

All in all, the anal crowd seems to be outing themselves over the last decade or so, which would suggest we can dispense with gaydar and other such devices. They should take to the arm band idea with glee.
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Old 06-14-2014, 01:23 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
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Old 06-14-2014, 04:32 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

Quote:
Originally Posted by Determined2findtruth View Post
Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
You're a demon. That's all we need to know. Now piss off.
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Old 06-14-2014, 01:52 PM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

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Originally Posted by Determined2findtruth View Post
Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
Friend, I did not say anything about munching rug.

As far as I'm aware, lesbians are rarely sodomites so I have no reason to believe that the test would work.

An alternative methodology is needed for "people" like yourself.
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The Bible is perfect and contains ZERO contradictions: A True Christian™ guide to logic
Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals: A guide for those without the "gaydar"

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Old 06-14-2014, 04:53 PM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

Quote:
Originally Posted by Determined2findtruth View Post
Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
By the fact that you clearly sexually desire me proves you are lesbian beyond a doubt.
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Old 06-17-2014, 09:29 PM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elijah Mee, PhD View Post
Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals
A guide for those without the "gaydar"



Introduction
We all know why it's crucial to identify butt pirates. I won't go into that here. If you don't already know, maybe you should pick up a Bible or something.

In an ideal world, the undesirable segment of society would be made to wear an identifying marker at all times. This worked well with Jews in Germany in the 1930s up until the point where the Nazis tried to off them all. Now, I'm not advocating that here - and I'm definitely not suggesting that you should break any local laws - but if God were to decide to do a little spring cleaning, we'd be making his job a lot easier with fag armbands.

I decided to take to Paint to demonstrate what the future could look like. I would love to say that my little daughter did the drawing but I don't have any kids because my God-mocking wife is still popping the baby killer pills. But, whatever, that's not even relevant here. I just don't understand what her problem is. Never mind, let's move on.



It's a primitive first draft, okay?

Here's what it might look like attached to an actual homosexual's limp wrist:



Notice how well it gels with his general attire and appearance. I personally see no reason why fags wouldn't love this fabulous fashion accessory! It's a win-win!

Anyway, it strikes me that I've digressed massively so I will continue.

Look, the persecuted status of Christians these days means we have no hope of seeing fag markers any time soon. We have to make do with what we can get. There any already so many great resources on this very forum for identifying fags from afar and in casual conversation but what we really need is an infallible acid test. You know, the kind of thing that you would use before casting rocks in the direction of an alleged homosexual.


Enter the spirit level!
As you probably already know, a spirit level is put on top of a (supposedly) horizontal surface to determine how straight that surface is. It has many uses around the house including (but not limited to) putting up shelves, hanging picture frames and beating your wife or kids. As a man, I already possess a spirit level. Ladies, ask your husband for access to his tool. Worst case scenario, you can pick one up at pretty much any decent DIY store.

Given that a spirit level can be used to measure how straight something is, it's a natural fit for identifying homosexuals. Upon placing a spirit level atop the skull of the True Christians™ of this Godly forum, one would expect to see the spirit bubble align perfectly with the centre of the device -- a sure sign of pure desires! When doing the same thing with a fag, however, one would expect a skewed result.

Thus the basic method would be described as follows:
1. Put spirit level on top of head.
2. Examine spirit bubble.
3. Central = straight, skewed = not straight.

Unfortunately, this doesn't actually work. You see, human skulls aren't flat. They're sort of curved. In fact, the mere ability to balance a spirit level on one's head without assistance may be a sign of witchcraft.

Like all scientists, however, I'm not going to let a little thing like being wrong get in my way. I will proceed...


A better way
So, just like my marriage, the obvious method failed. Ever the optimist, I looked for a superior way.

What you need to do is simply hand your spirit level to the suspected homofag. If he immediately attempts to sodomise himself with it, you have found yourself a boner fide gay.

This was a surprisingly obvious solution but it required thinking in ways that I have not considered for many years. To catch a sodomite, you must think like a sodomite.

Anyway, I strongly suggest that you don't actually allow the homosexual to sodomise himself with your spirit level. If you make this mistake, I suggest discarding the AIDS-infected equipment post-haste (perhaps borrow some kitchen gloves from your wife first). Remember that the act of pulling down his leggings and undergarments should be sufficient to prove homosexuality beyond a reasonable doubt. There is no need to allow things to go any further.

I take no responsibility for what you do next after discovering a homofag using this method. Do what you feel you must.

Good luck out there, friends! May your rectums remain safe!
Might be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.....
And also Jesus was a middle eastern jew
Not very close to the definition of "White"
And again that stupid thing doesn't work
That's like saying people with small wrists are gay or that if you are fat you are southern...
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Old 06-17-2014, 09:57 PM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

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Originally Posted by DownOnMyKnees View Post
Might be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.....
And also Jesus was a middle eastern jew
Not very close to the definition of "White"
And again that stupid thing doesn't work
That's like saying people with small wrists are gay or that if you are fat you are southern...
So I'm the stupid one because I want to glorify God and marginalise sin?
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Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals: A guide for those without the "gaydar"

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Old 06-18-2014, 01:37 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

this is interesting
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Old 06-18-2014, 02:01 AM
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals

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Originally Posted by DownOnMyKnees View Post
And also Jesus was a middle eastern jew
Not very close to the definition of "White"
Where do you get that idea? Jesus was white. His father was God, and God is white. Mary was merely used as a vessel in which Jesus could grow.
Read this - http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=33204
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