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Default Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-12-2014, 03:51 PM

Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals
A guide for those without the "gaydar"



Introduction
We all know why it's crucial to identify butt pirates. I won't go into that here. If you don't already know, maybe you should pick up a Bible or something.

In an ideal world, the undesirable segment of society would be made to wear an identifying marker at all times. This worked well with Jews in Germany in the 1930s up until the point where the Nazis tried to off them all. Now, I'm not advocating that here - and I'm definitely not suggesting that you should break any local laws - but if God were to decide to do a little spring cleaning, we'd be making his job a lot easier with fag armbands.

I decided to take to Paint to demonstrate what the future could look like. I would love to say that my little daughter did the drawing but I don't have any kids because my God-mocking wife is still popping the baby killer pills. But, whatever, that's not even relevant here. I just don't understand what her problem is. Never mind, let's move on.



It's a primitive first draft, okay?

Here's what it might look like attached to an actual homosexual's limp wrist:



Notice how well it gels with his general attire and appearance. I personally see no reason why fags wouldn't love this fabulous fashion accessory! It's a win-win!

Anyway, it strikes me that I've digressed massively so I will continue.

Look, the persecuted status of Christians these days means we have no hope of seeing fag markers any time soon. We have to make do with what we can get. There any already so many great resources on this very forum for identifying fags from afar and in casual conversation but what we really need is an infallible acid test. You know, the kind of thing that you would use before casting rocks in the direction of an alleged homosexual.


Enter the spirit level!
As you probably already know, a spirit level is put on top of a (supposedly) horizontal surface to determine how straight that surface is. It has many uses around the house including (but not limited to) putting up shelves, hanging picture frames and beating your wife or kids. As a man, I already possess a spirit level. Ladies, ask your husband for access to his tool. Worst case scenario, you can pick one up at pretty much any decent DIY store.

Given that a spirit level can be used to measure how straight something is, it's a natural fit for identifying homosexuals. Upon placing a spirit level atop the skull of the True Christians™ of this Godly forum, one would expect to see the spirit bubble align perfectly with the centre of the device -- a sure sign of pure desires! When doing the same thing with a fag, however, one would expect a skewed result.

Thus the basic method would be described as follows:
1. Put spirit level on top of head.
2. Examine spirit bubble.
3. Central = straight, skewed = not straight.

Unfortunately, this doesn't actually work. You see, human skulls aren't flat. They're sort of curved. In fact, the mere ability to balance a spirit level on one's head without assistance may be a sign of witchcraft.

Like all scientists, however, I'm not going to let a little thing like being wrong get in my way. I will proceed...


A better way
So, just like my marriage, the obvious method failed. Ever the optimist, I looked for a superior way.

What you need to do is simply hand your spirit level to the suspected homofag. If he immediately attempts to sodomise himself with it, you have found yourself a boner fide gay.

This was a surprisingly obvious solution but it required thinking in ways that I have not considered for many years. To catch a sodomite, you must think like a sodomite.

Anyway, I strongly suggest that you don't actually allow the homosexual to sodomise himself with your spirit level. If you make this mistake, I suggest discarding the AIDS-infected equipment post-haste (perhaps borrow some kitchen gloves from your wife first). Remember that the act of pulling down his leggings and undergarments should be sufficient to prove homosexuality beyond a reasonable doubt. There is no need to allow things to go any further.

I take no responsibility for what you do next after discovering a homofag using this method. Do what you feel you must.

Good luck out there, friends! May your rectums remain safe!


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-12-2014, 10:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Elijah Mee, PhD View Post
I would love to say that my little daughter did the drawing but I don't have any kids because my God-mocking wife is still popping the baby killer pills.
You should be disciplining your wife, Brother Mee! Don't allow her to be the cause of you murdering your unborn babies


That said, I'd never thought of using a spirit level. I'll get Mike to get one next time he goes shopping - he's not the most practical of men, if you know what I mean, and doesn't even own a spirit level. If I were to ask him what one was, he would think it was a way to measure how much whisky was in his glass
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-12-2014, 11:42 PM

How can I see the position of the bubble without exposing myself to the perp's rectum?


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-13-2014, 12:20 AM

I had these two carpenters working on my house and they called that thing a torpedo level. Big surprise. I'm never hiring those two fags, again.


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-13-2014, 03:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elijah Mee, PhD View Post
This was a surprisingly obvious solution but it required thinking in ways that I have not considered for many years. To catch a sodomite, you must think like a sodomite.
Godly words, but may I also suggest a banana for this?



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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-13-2014, 03:23 AM

I'm thinking that there may be something to this spirit level thing, but maybe it's being misapplied. Maybe it's meant to be measured front to back so to speak - tilting to the behind indicated preference for the rectum.

All in all, the anal crowd seems to be outing themselves over the last decade or so, which would suggest we can dispense with gaydar and other such devices. They should take to the arm band idea with glee.


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-14-2014, 01:23 AM

Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-14-2014, 04:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Determined2findtruth View Post
Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
You're a demon. That's all we need to know. Now piss off.


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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-14-2014, 01:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Determined2findtruth View Post
Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
Friend, I did not say anything about munching rug.

As far as I'm aware, lesbians are rarely sodomites so I have no reason to believe that the test would work.

An alternative methodology is needed for "people" like yourself.


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-14-2014, 04:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Determined2findtruth View Post
Let us test this.......if you want. Am I lesbian or straight? Your move now! Not trying to be rude just trying to see your theory.
By the fact that you clearly sexually desire me proves you are lesbian beyond a doubt.



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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-17-2014, 09:29 PM

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Originally Posted by Elijah Mee, PhD View Post
Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals
A guide for those without the "gaydar"



Introduction
We all know why it's crucial to identify butt pirates. I won't go into that here. If you don't already know, maybe you should pick up a Bible or something.

In an ideal world, the undesirable segment of society would be made to wear an identifying marker at all times. This worked well with Jews in Germany in the 1930s up until the point where the Nazis tried to off them all. Now, I'm not advocating that here - and I'm definitely not suggesting that you should break any local laws - but if God were to decide to do a little spring cleaning, we'd be making his job a lot easier with fag armbands.

I decided to take to Paint to demonstrate what the future could look like. I would love to say that my little daughter did the drawing but I don't have any kids because my God-mocking wife is still popping the baby killer pills. But, whatever, that's not even relevant here. I just don't understand what her problem is. Never mind, let's move on.



It's a primitive first draft, okay?

Here's what it might look like attached to an actual homosexual's limp wrist:



Notice how well it gels with his general attire and appearance. I personally see no reason why fags wouldn't love this fabulous fashion accessory! It's a win-win!

Anyway, it strikes me that I've digressed massively so I will continue.

Look, the persecuted status of Christians these days means we have no hope of seeing fag markers any time soon. We have to make do with what we can get. There any already so many great resources on this very forum for identifying fags from afar and in casual conversation but what we really need is an infallible acid test. You know, the kind of thing that you would use before casting rocks in the direction of an alleged homosexual.


Enter the spirit level!
As you probably already know, a spirit level is put on top of a (supposedly) horizontal surface to determine how straight that surface is. It has many uses around the house including (but not limited to) putting up shelves, hanging picture frames and beating your wife or kids. As a man, I already possess a spirit level. Ladies, ask your husband for access to his tool. Worst case scenario, you can pick one up at pretty much any decent DIY store.

Given that a spirit level can be used to measure how straight something is, it's a natural fit for identifying homosexuals. Upon placing a spirit level atop the skull of the True Christians™ of this Godly forum, one would expect to see the spirit bubble align perfectly with the centre of the device -- a sure sign of pure desires! When doing the same thing with a fag, however, one would expect a skewed result.

Thus the basic method would be described as follows:
1. Put spirit level on top of head.
2. Examine spirit bubble.
3. Central = straight, skewed = not straight.

Unfortunately, this doesn't actually work. You see, human skulls aren't flat. They're sort of curved. In fact, the mere ability to balance a spirit level on one's head without assistance may be a sign of witchcraft.

Like all scientists, however, I'm not going to let a little thing like being wrong get in my way. I will proceed...


A better way
So, just like my marriage, the obvious method failed. Ever the optimist, I looked for a superior way.

What you need to do is simply hand your spirit level to the suspected homofag. If he immediately attempts to sodomise himself with it, you have found yourself a boner fide gay.

This was a surprisingly obvious solution but it required thinking in ways that I have not considered for many years. To catch a sodomite, you must think like a sodomite.

Anyway, I strongly suggest that you don't actually allow the homosexual to sodomise himself with your spirit level. If you make this mistake, I suggest discarding the AIDS-infected equipment post-haste (perhaps borrow some kitchen gloves from your wife first). Remember that the act of pulling down his leggings and undergarments should be sufficient to prove homosexuality beyond a reasonable doubt. There is no need to allow things to go any further.

I take no responsibility for what you do next after discovering a homofag using this method. Do what you feel you must.

Good luck out there, friends! May your rectums remain safe!
Might be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.....
And also Jesus was a middle eastern jew
Not very close to the definition of "White"
And again that stupid thing doesn't work
That's like saying people with small wrists are gay or that if you are fat you are southern...
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-17-2014, 09:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DownOnMyKnees View Post
Might be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.....
And also Jesus was a middle eastern jew
Not very close to the definition of "White"
And again that stupid thing doesn't work
That's like saying people with small wrists are gay or that if you are fat you are southern...
So I'm the stupid one because I want to glorify God and marginalise sin?


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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-18-2014, 01:37 AM

this is interesting
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 06-18-2014, 02:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DownOnMyKnees View Post
And also Jesus was a middle eastern jew
Not very close to the definition of "White"
Where do you get that idea? Jesus was white. His father was God, and God is white. Mary was merely used as a vessel in which Jesus could grow.
Read this - http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=33204
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 08-31-2015, 03:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Godly words, but may I also suggest a banana for this?
I considered this but one of my gaywise neighbours explained to me in explicit detail about his strong preference for minimal curvature. He said that when it comes to stuffing things up your butt, straighter is better. The irony was not lost on me.


But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. (2 Chronicles 36:16)

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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 09-02-2015, 11:58 AM

I had builders around to fix a wall that had started to fall over. I overheard one of them telling the other to set up a bum line behind the wall. Needless to say I chased these homers of my property
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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 09-02-2015, 01:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oliver_Cromwell View Post
I had builders around to fix a wall that had started to fall over. I overheard one of them telling the other to set up a bum line behind the wall. Needless to say I chased these homers of my property
I'm sorry to hear that. The rectal demons have infiltrated their way into all areas of society.

It's a shame. Building things is the height of masculinity. No nancy boy was ever intended to be a builder.

I blame the Village People for this mess.

I'm glad you retained your anal virginity. Praise Jesus!


But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. (2 Chronicles 36:16)

Guides and teachings:
The Bible is perfect and contains ZERO contradictions: A True Christian™ guide to logic
Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals: A guide for those without the "gaydar"

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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 09-03-2015, 06:46 AM

congratulations on having the worst art skills i have seen all year. seriously, i bet most monkeys could draw better than you - but what's to be expected from such unintelligent, brainwashed people?
so wait, let me get this straight. if you were given your way, you would have gays segregated and killed, just like they did in nazi times? you do know how bad the nazis were, right? they caused one of the worst genocides in history, and let me tell you, that is the opposite of what God wants.
I submit to you that God doesn't want you to have such hate in your heart, that he wants you to love everyone, no matter what, and mind your own business about their sins. Before you argue -
“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” [Matthew 22:37-40 KJV]
(15) “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” [John 8:7 KJV]
(18) “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” [Luke 6:41 KJV]

so, there you have it.

by the way, SHOCKINGLY, your incredibly offensive system for detecting fags does not work - i'm so gay i'm like the king of fags, and i wouldn't touch you with a 100 foot pole.

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Love Jesus Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 09-03-2015, 07:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by judaschristvevo View Post
***ad hominem removed***
***The Hitler card removed***

I submit to you that God doesn't want you to have such hate in your heart, that he wants you to love everyone, no matter what, and mind your own business about their sins. Before you argue -
“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” [Matthew 22:37-40 KJV]
(15) “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” [John 8:7 KJV]
(18) “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” [Luke 6:41 KJV]

***ad ridiculum removed***

Dear Sinner,

You've got it upside down.

WE love. We love you enough to try to convert you from your evil ways. Why else would we expose ourselves every day to the ridicule and violent tantrums of unsaved trash on this Godly Forum! We want you to repent and get a place in Heaven. And if you repent, your position in Heaven will be a magnificent one, even better than ours!

Matthew 18:13
And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.

It is GOD who hates your kind. He has expressed in clearly. It is exactly this Wrath that we want to SAVE you from OUT OF LOVE.

Deuteronomy 9:28
Lest the land whence thou broughtest us out say, Because the LORD was not able to bring them into the land which he promised them, and because he hated them, he hath brought them out to slay them in the wilderness.


You have some wonderful verses there. Would you be kind enough to tell us why they are the ones that matter and others can be ignored. What is your method of choosing which parts of the Bible are relevant and which are not? We really would like to know!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Using a spirit level to identify homosexuals - 09-03-2015, 07:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by judaschristvevo View Post
...Before you argue - ...
Before YOU argue, learn what those Scriptures actually mean, k?

Here's a good place to start: The Most MISUNDERSTOOD Passage in All the Bible (Matthew 7:1-5). While you're there, read the rest of the sticky threads, at least.


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