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  • #1

    Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

    Hello Brothers but mainly Sisters,

    It has been brought to my attention that we need to pay more attention to our expecting Sisters and New Parents. Thanks, and you know who you are, you betchya!

    Sister Sue is due in February (I think) I thought it would be nice to get her a fur coat made of the finest leopard skin and a bowling ball.

    As for new Parents Tina and Adam Zapel (and lil Eva) I am sending over a complete knife set.

    I hope the rest of you are just a generous. Please post your gifts here.

    Helpful, Sister Thumper
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  • #2
    Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

    I am getting them leatherbound personal Bibles to give to the child at birth. Then I am thinking of maybe some nice Christian Art for the baby's nursery.

    This looks good. It's called the Slaughter of the Innocents.
    God hates Seth Cochrane.

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    • #3
      Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

      I think a daily planner book would be very helpful! There must be so much for a new mother to do and remember.
      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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      • #4
        Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

        Breast milk dispenser!



        I hope that their children will grow up to be virtuous soldiers of the Lord.Glory!!

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        • #5
          Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

          Originally posted by Osambo 08 View Post
          Breast milk dispenser!



          I hope that their children will grow up to be virtuous soldiers of the Lord.Glory!!
          I'm getting them a negro alarm.
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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          • #6
            Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

            Originally posted by Osambo 08 View Post
            Breast milk dispenser!



            I hope that their children will grow up to be virtuous soldiers of the Lord.Glory!!

            Breasts ARE milk dispensers.
            Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

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            • #7
              Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

              No kitchen should be without this!
              Attached Files

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              • #8
                Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                I'm sure the ab-lounge would be appreciated:

                When she's done with her abdomen exercises she can just take a nap on the thing!
                May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                  Originally posted by Jean Poole View Post
                  I am getting them leatherbound personal Bibles to give to the child at birth. Then I am thinking of maybe some nice Christian Art for the baby's nursery.

                  This looks good. It's called the Slaughter of the Innocents.
                  That would look GORGEOUS in a nursery with some red throw pillows to match! We could also knit some nice little red blankets!

                  You have such great taste Sister!
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                  • #10
                    Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                    Originally posted by Osambo 08 View Post
                    Breast milk dispenser!



                    I hope that their children will grow up to be virtuous soldiers of the Lord.Glory!!
                    I wonder if that is the same kind Bristro........er I mean the GODLY Sarah Palin uses?
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                    • #11
                      Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                      I'm giving my usual baby shower gift; a hand-hewn switch to whip some Jesus into the baby.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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                      • #12
                        Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                        Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                        Sister Sue is due in February (I think) I thought it would be nice to get her a fur coat made of the finest leopard skin and a bowling ball.

                        Is she pregnant by "proxy?"
                        Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                          Did you mean that you were going to get her a matching set for the bowling league? That would be really classy. She should have the appropriate shoes, too.
                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                            I might suggest this Armor of Faith Play Set.

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                            http://www.realarmorofgod.com/store/html/Products/Kids/Armor-of-God-Play-S/Armor-of-God-Playse-272.html


                            It includes faith parent guide with suggested activities and scripture verses. It comes with Helmet of Salvation, Breastplate of Righteousness, Belt of Truth, Spirit-of-the-Word Sword, and Lion Shield of Faith. Oh, yeah, and I forgot Shin Guards.

                            Maybe you could dress the kid up in this Armor of God Playset and invite some colored kid over to play Obama. Then let them have at it.
                            "Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).

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                            • #15
                              Re: Helpful Gifts for Expecting and New Parents

                              Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                              Did you mean that you were going to get her a matching set for the bowling league? That would be really classy. She should have the appropriate shoes, too.



                              Ohhh pretty! I think I will order those. I'll have to ask her what shoe size she wears. I don't see why they can't make shoes out of leopard skin.

                              I'm also going to give all new parents a cattle prod so they can zap crying baby, misbehaving toddler from a distance. It shuts them up instantly! ZZZT ZZZT!!
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