[James Dewitt]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

I am surly lost, what can I do to correct the problem. If Brother Enoch kills the idiot son of mine, I am still left with a bastard grand child. If I go see my son at this point, things are not going to go in his favor. I hope that I will be able to show my face in Church in the morning.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

James, I think we have a problem here. I don't think your son was being truthful with you when he said he didn't know what to do. It turns out there is indeed a grandbaby on the way. But it's not with my daughter, his 15 year old wife, it's with my daughter his 13 year old not-wife. She's 6 weeks pregnant.

I was on my way to kill him, when my eskimo wife stopped me. Apparently this isn't a problem for eskimos. She calmed me down a bit, telling me this sort of thing is Biblically acceptable. I'm not sure she's right, but I'm going through the Bible now to find out if God condones this sort of thing. It usually takes me about 4 days to read the entire Bible, so your boy has at least that long.

Does anyone else here know if my wife is right on this one?

Brother Enoch,

I cannot show you any direct bible passage that states Mary's age, but from research done, it has been shown that Mary was between the ages of 12-15 when she was impregnated and bore Jesus himself!

I do have to go by the almah vs bethula references in the more ancient texts as to this though as foretold by Isaiah in his prophesy as to Jesus.

If anyone would like me to elaborate, I am more than happy to, but God's Word IS His Word and I would not change one dot nor dash for anything, no matter what language it is written in.

YIC,

Sister Phebe.

Gosh, if God can impregnate a gal of that age it MUST be ok for a mere human too.

[Lisa H]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

I am surly lost, what can I do to correct the problem. If Brother Enoch kills the idiot son of mine, I am still left with a bastard grand child. If I go see my son at this point, things are not going to go in his favor. I hope that I will be able to show my face in Church in the morning.

Brother James,

You are in a difficult position. I will pray to the Lord to bring you a answer.

[Brother Barnabus]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

I used to know scripture for this very situation ... however advanced age
(read senility) has hidden it from me for now. Please delay any plans of smiting the boy til I can remember which bathroom I left my Bible!

Where's that heathen Dogbone Alkybitch when we need her?

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

I am surly lost, what can I do to correct the problem. If Brother Enoch kills the idiot son of mine, I am still left with a bastard grand child. If I go see my son at this point, things are not going to go in his favor. I hope that I will be able to show my face in Church in the morning.

Oh Brother James,

One must take heed and perhaps understand he made an honest mistake. Do these two sisters look a lot alike? I know some of the gals I counsel, some are sisters and gosh, the younger ones sometimes look so much like the elder gals and when it comes down to it, two years is not much.

How do we know it was not the girl to blame? Perhaps SHE as a harlot had designs on your son and all else were completely unawares and she fooled him!

Stranger things have happened is all I am saying.

Regardless though, you are not to blame at all as just as your son cannot be blames for the sins of the father, you in turn cannot be blamed for the sins of the son.

YIC,

Sister Phebe.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

I am surly lost, what can I do to correct the problem. If Brother Enoch kills the idiot son of mine, I am still left with a bastard grand child. If I go see my son at this point, things are not going to go in his favor. I hope that I will be able to show my face in Church in the morning.

It's a difficult problem, Brother James.

Here's what we need to keep in mind:

"A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD." Deuteronomy 23:2 - KJV

While I am concerned with the welfare of the child, as I have witnessed here, scripture tells us that the bastard child cannot find our Lord. I truly wish it was otherwise. But it's not up to me.

Brother Enoch needs to remember the Ten Commandments:

"Thou shalt not kill." Exodus 20:13 - KJV

Should he fail God's commandments:

"And if he smite him with an instrument of iron, so that he die, he is a murderer: the murderer shall surely be put to death." Numbers 35:16 - KJV

Keep my signature in mind and you will be fine in the pews tomorrow morning.


Bless you in Christ.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

Thank you dear Sister Phebe, you know it is times like this that I miss the comfort of a loving wife. I am happy that you do not shame me for my idiot sons actions. You are the model of a True Christian. May the good Lord bless you. YIC James

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

Brother James if you and Brother Enoch are both looking for an honor saving answer for now I will offer you this suggestion,
Declare a state of war between yourselves, retroactive to last month of course.
Then the bible will give you the answer with a few possible sacrifices made for the families.
Deuteronomy 21:10-14


10When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, 11And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;
12Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;
13And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.
14And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.


Any other plans could be considered war reparations of course the child will have to be absorbed into your ''tribe'' but that is an issue for a much later date.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

Have your boy move to a country where multiple wives are legal, then he can marry the girl. The Sudan comes to mind. That should solve the issue and remind him that following American secular laws is a wise practice.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

Have your boy move to a country where multiple wives are legal, then he can marry the girl. The Sudan comes to mind. That should solve the issue and remind him that following American secular laws is a wise practice.

Pastor, ya know that is not a bad idea. I bet Brother Enoch and myself can spend a little cash, buy the three of them a little mud hut and put it all behind us. If the grand child comes out normal, we can always bring the little child back state side, that is if its a boy. Not a bad idea at all, thanks.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Where are our Grandchildren?

Pastor, ya know that is not a bad idea. I bet Brother Enoch and myself can spend a little cash, buy the three of them a little mud hut and put it all behind us. If the grand child comes out normal, we can always bring the little child back state side, that is if its a boy. Not a bad idea at all, thanks.

You know that new age crack pot Richard Branson might have the right idea, he owns a private island where he has set up a compound for his and his family's enjoyment. He keeps it fully staffed but must have an overseer. While I realize that your boy might not be ready for a position of responsibility but this might be a chance to give him a career, and a very able assistant of course. Bottom line problem resolved, the kid will be too busy with his job to visit too and you and Brother Enoch have a get away place for yourselves (seems equivalent to 50 sheckels if you ask me).
Below is a group of listings that might suit the purpose.

http://www.privateislandsonline.com/islandsforsale.htm

also I included a quick reference for those confusing for sale advertisements.
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Glossary of Terms Related to Private Islands


Aegean Islands
A group of over a thousand Greek and Turkish islands in the Aegean Sea. Aleutian Islands
A chain of small volcanic islands forming an island arc situated in the Northern Pacific Ocean, and extending about 1,900 km (1,200 miles) westward from the extremity of the Alaskan peninsula toward the Kamchatka Peninsula. Nearly the entire archipelago is part of the state of Alaska, but the extreme western end is part of Russia.
Anchorage
A place suitable for anchoring in relation to the wind, seas and bottom.
Andaman Islands
A group of islands in the Bay of Bengal. They are part of the Andaman and Nicobar Islands Union Territory of India.
Antilles
| Islands forming the greater part of the West Indies in the Caribbean. The Antilles are divided into two major groups: the "Greater Antilles" in the north and the "Lesser Antilles" in the southeast. The Great Antilles include Cuba, Jamaica, Hispaniola, and Puerto Rico. The lesser Antilles are comprised of the northerly Leeward Islands, the southerly Windward Islands, and Venezuelan off-shore islands. The Bahamas, although part of the West Indies are not among the Antillean islands.
Archipelago
A landform which consists of a chain or cluster of islands. Archipelagoes usually appear in the open sea; less commonly, a large land mass may neighbour them. Archipelagoes are often volcanic, forming along mid-ocean ridges or hotspots, but there are many other processes involved in their construction, including erosion and deposition.
Artificial Island
An island that has been formed by human, rather than natural means. It is usually constructed on an existing reef or may be an expansion of a small natural islet. Artificial islands are traditionally created by land reclamation, although some recent developments have been constructed more in the manner of oil platforms.
Avatar
Common name for a super user account; often includes an identifying tag such as a picture.
Azores
An archipelago of Portuguese islands in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean about 100 km from Lisbon, and about 3900 km from the east coast of North America. The nine Azorean Islands extend for more than 600 km, and lie in a northwest-southeast direction.
Bahamas
An archipelago of 700 islands and cays the Bahamas forming an independent nation in the West Indies. The Bahamas are located in the Atlantic Ocean, east of Florida in the United States, north of Cuba and the Caribbean, and west of the Turks and Caicos Islands.
Baleric Islands-An archipelago in the western Mediterranean Sea, near the coast of Spain. These islands form the Autonomous Communities of Spain. Barrister- In many common law jurisdictions, a barrister or advocate is a type of lawyer, particularly one entitled to appear before the superior courts of that jurisdiction. Details vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
Basin
A natural depression in the surface of the land, often with a lake at the bottom.
Bay
A body of water partially enclosed by land but with a wide mouth, affording access to the sea.
Biodiversity
The number and variety of organisms within one region. This includes also the variability within and between species and within and between ecosystems.
Brook
A small stream that crosses between two other bodies of water (thus "brooking" them). It is usually small and easily forded. Also the Scottish term for a creek.
Buccaneer
A pirate from the Caribbean.
Building Permit
A permit issued by a local government agency that allows the construction of home or renovation of a house.
Bula
Fijian phrase literally meaning hello. Also means a calming ocean breeze that relaxes the senses.
Bure
A typical Fijian style hut or cottage.
British Isles
A geographical and ecological term for the archipelago of islands off the northwest coast of Europe, including Great Britain, The Isle of Man, and several thousand smaller islands. Not synonymous with the United Kingdom.
Canary Islands
An archipelago of the Kingdom of Spain consisting of seven islands of volcanic origin in the Atlantic Ocean (also see Macronesia).
Cape Verde Islands
A republic located on an archipelago in the North Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of western Africa. The previously uninhabited islands were discovered and colonized by the Portuguese in the 15th century; they subsequently became the trading center for African slaves (also see Macronesia).
Caretaker
A custodian who is hired to take care of something (property or a person).
Caribbean
A group of islands in the Caribbean Sea. These islands curve southward from the bottom tip of Florida to the Northwest of Venezuela in South America. There are at least 7000 islands, islets, reefs and cays in the region. They are organized into twenty-five territories including sovereign states, overseas departments and dependencies.
Causeway
A road, railway or landform, elevated by a bank, usually across a
broad body of water or wetland.
Cay
A small, low island composed largely of coral or sand (also called a caye or key).
Channel
A passage for water to flow through.
Chartered Accountant
The equivalent designation in Canada and United Kingdom of an accounting professional who has obtained their CPA.
Commission
A broker's basic fee for purchasing or selling securities or property as an agent.
Condo
Individual ownership of a portion of a building, with common areas shared by all owners.
Conservation
Management of the human use of the biosphere so that it may yield the greatest sustainable benefit to present generations while maintaining its potential to meet the needs of future generations. Includes the preservation, maintenance, sustainable utilization, restoration and enhancement of the environment.
Continental Island
Continental islands are bodies of land that lie upon the continental shelf of a continent.
Co-op
A type of multiple ownership in which the residents own shares in the cooperative corporation that owns the property.
Coral
A rocklike deposit consisting of the calcareous skeletons secreted by various anthozoans. Coral deposits often accumulate to form reefs or islands in warm seas.
Coral Polyps
Small marine invertebrate animals.
Cottage
One story, smaller type of housing. Typically used as a seasonal home or a second dwelling on a property.
Cove
A small sheltered bay in the shoreline of a sea, river, or lake.
Deed
A written legal document by which title to land is conveyed (transferred) between two parties.
Desert Island
Any uninhabited island. The word "desert" is often used as a reference to the island's deserted status, and does not necessarily imply the arid weather associated with the world's desert biomes.
Due Diligence
The process of gathering information about the condition and legal status of assets to be sold.
Environment
The area in which something exists or lives.
Escrow-The holding of funds, documents, securities, or other property by an impartial third party for the other two participants in a business transaction. When the transaction is completed, the escrow agent releases the entrusted property or funds.
Evolution
A change in the traits of living organisms over generations, including the emergence of new species.
Fiji Islands
An island nation in the South Pacific, east of Vanuatu, west of Tonga and south of Tuvalu. The nation occupies an archipelago of about 322 islands and 522 islets of which 106 are permanently inhabited. The two major islands of Viti Levu and Vanua Levu account for some 87% of the total population.
Florida Keys
An archipelago of about 1700 islands in the southeastern United States. They begin at the southeastern tip of the Florida Peninsula and extend in an arc south-southwest to Key West.
Forum
An online discussion group where participants with common interests can exchange open messages.
Freehold
Tenure by which land is held in fee simple or for life.
French Polynesia
A French "overseas collectivity" in the southern Pacific Ocean. It is made up of several groups of Polynesian islands, the most famous island being Tahiti in the Society Islands group, which is also the most populous island.
Geology
A science that deals with the history of the earth as recorded in rocks.
Geothermal Power
Geothermal energy is the natural heat of the earth that is conducted or convected to the earth's surface through volcanoes and hot springs. By harnessing this energy and using it to power steam turbines, we can convert geothermal energy into electricity that we can use to heat or cool dwellings.
Granitic
A common, coarse-grained, light-colored, hard igneous rock consisting chiefly of quartz, orthoclase or microcline, and mica. Used in monuments and for building. Some islands are also granitic.
Gulf
A body of water existing within a large bay of a continental coastline. A good example would be the Gulf of Mexico.
Habitable
Describes a dwelling or property that is appropriate for human occupancy.
Hammock¹
A hanging bed of canvas or rope netting (usually suspended between
two trees); swings easily.
Hammock²
A dense growth of trees on a slightly elevated area, not wet enough to be a swamp.
Harbour
A sheltered port where ships can take on or discharge cargo.
Hawaiian Islands
Once known as the Sandwich Islands, the Hawaiian Islands form an archipelago of nineteen islands and atolls, and numerous islets, stretching northwest by southeast in the North Pacific Ocean.
Heat Pump
Provides space heating and cooling for homes. The heat pump takes heat from the outside air and pumps it indoors during the heating cycle. The heat pump absorbs heat from indoors and forces it outside during the cooling cycle.
Hispaniola
The second-largest island of the Antilles. Christopher Columbus arrived there in 1492, and in 1493 founded the first Spanish colony in the New World on it. Currently, divided into two countries: Haiti and the Dominican Republic.
Indigenous
Originating and living or occurring naturally in an area or environment.
Inlet
A narrow body between islands or leading inland from a larger body of water.
Inukshuk
A stone landmark used as a milestone or directional marker by the Inuit of the Canadian Arctic.
Island
Any piece of land smaller than a continent and larger than a rock that is completely surrounded by water. Very small islands are called islets. Although seldom adhered to, it is also proper to call an emergent land feature on an atoll an islet, since an atoll is a type of island. A key or cay is also another name for a relatively small island. Groups of related islands are called archipelagos.
Island Arc
A type of archipelago formed by plate tectonics as one oceanic plate sub ducts under another and produces magma.
Island lake
A lake that exists within an island.
Island Nation
A country that is entirely confined to an island or a group of islands. Moreover, it has no territory on the mainland on any of the world's continents. Forty-seven of the world's countries are island nations.
Islet
A very small island.
Islomania
A term used to identify individuals with a rare affliction causing them to be obsessed with islands. Often associated with a desire to own or be alone on a deserted island paradise.
Kermadec Islands
An island arc in the Pacific Ocean. A dependency of New Zealand, the islands lie 800 - 1000 kms northeast of New Zealand's North Island, and a similar distance southwest of Tonga.
Landmass
A large unbroken area of land.
Leasehold
The right to hold or use property for a fixed period of time at a given price, without transfer of ownership, on the basis of a lease contract.
Luxury
Something that is an indulgence rather than a necessity.
Macronesia
A modern invented collective name for several groups of islands in the North Atlantic Ocean near Europe and North Africa. The islands are volcanic in origin and comes from the Greek for "blessed islands", a term used by ancient geographers for the islands to the west of the straights of Gibraltar.
Machete
A large heavy knife used for cutting underbrush.
Malay
Member of a people inhabiting the northern Malay Peninsula and Malaysia and parts of the western Malay Archipelago.
Malay Archipelago
Refers to the vast group of islands located between mainland Southeast Asia and Australia. These islands constitute the territory of Indonesia, the Philippines, Brunei, the Malaysian states of Sarawak and Sabah along with the Federal Territory of Labuan, East Timor, and Papua New Guinea. The Malay Archipelago is the world's largest archipelago (over 2 million square kilometres), and it encompasses many groups which may be considered archipelagoes in their own right.
Maldives, Republic of
An island nation consisting of a group of atolls in the Indian Ocean approximately 700 km southwest of Sri Lanka. The 26 atolls include 1,192 islets, roughly 200 of which are inhabited.
Man-made Island
See artificial island.
Marina
A facility located on a body of water that provides docking, storage, maintenance and other facilities for boats.
Marshall Islands
The Republic of the Marshall Islands (RMI) is an island nation in the Pacific Ocean, located north of Nauru and Kiribati, east of the Federated States of Micronesia and south of the U.S. island of Wake.
Mediterranean
The region consisting of the countries around the Mediterranean Sea.
Micronesia
A region in the Pacific Ocean consisting of hundreds of small islands spread over a large region. The Philippines lie to the west, Indonesia to the southwest, Papua New Guinea and Melanesia to the south and Polynesia to the southeast and east.
Mooring
To secure a vessel or an aircraft with lines or anchors.
Motu Islands
Islands that have become separated from their parent islands by rising see levels.
Outcropping
The part of a rock formation that appears above the surface of the surrounding land.
Parcel
A contiguous area of land described in a single description by a deed or other instrument or as one of a number of lots on a plat or plan.
Peninsula
A large mass of land projecting into a body of water.
Pirate
One who robs or plunders at sea without a commission from a recognized sovereign nation. Pirates usually target other ships, but have also attacked targets on shore.
Prefabricated (home)
To manufacture (a building or section of a building, for example) in advance, especially in standard sections that can be easily shipped and assembled.
Resort
A place frequented by people for relaxation or recreation.
Savanna
A tropical or subtropical grassland containing scattered trees and drought-resistant undergrowth.
Seychelles, Republic of
An archipelago nation of 115 islands in the Indian Ocean, 1,600 km east of mainland Africa.
Siesta
A short nap taken in the early afternoon, often after the midday meal. Such a period of sleep is a common tradition in hot countries.
Solar power
Energy from the sun that is converted into thermal or electrical energy.
Solicitor
A lawyer who advises clients, represents them in the lower courts, and prepares cases for barristers to try in higher courts
Solomon Islands
East of Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands consist of almost 1000 islands, which cover a land mass of 28,400 square kilometres.
Sulu
Modern Fiji's national dress which resembles a skirt and is worn by both men and women.
Taiga
A moist sub arctic coniferous forest that begins where the tundra ends and is dominated by spruces and firs.
Tax
An involuntary fee paid by individuals or businesses to a state, or to functional equivalents of a state, including tribes, secessionist movements or revolutionary movements.
Tax Shelter
This is an investment that offers tax savings in some form, such as immediate deductions, credits or income deferral.
Tenure
The right to hold property; part of an ancient hierarchical system of holding lands.
Tidal Island
Is a piece of land that is connected to the mainland by a natural or manmade causeway that is exposed to low tide and submerged at high tide.
Topography
The configuration of a surface and the relations among its man-made and natural features.
Transfer Tax
Taxes that may be payable when the title passes from one owner to the next.
Tropics
The part of the Earth's surface between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn; characterized by a hot climate.
Turnkey
Supplied, installed, or purchased in a condition ready for immediate use, occupation, or operation.
Unencumbered
Not burdened with cares or responsibilities; "living an unencumbered life." In the case of property, the terms means the land has no liens or other debts associated with it.
Vendor
The person who is selling a property.
Villa
An attached dwelling, usually single story.
Virgin Islands
An archipelago in the Caribbean Sea. The islands are divided into two parts, one of which is the British Virgin Islands (BVI) to the east and north, and the other is the U.S. Virgin Islands (USVI) to the west and south.
Volcanic
Igneous rock produced by eruption and solidified on or near the earth's surface; rhyolite or andesite or basalt.
Wind Power
Power derived from the wind (as by windmills).




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