[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Kellogg's is almost as reprehensible as General Mills. The Michigan-based company came up with Fruit Loops. Permit me to dissect the "fruitiness" of this cereal.

1. Its mascot is a garish bird named "Toucan Sam." "Toucan" is phonetically identical to "two can." Sam is an acronym for "sodomize a man." So the character's name translates to "two can sodomize a man," clearly an endorsement of homosexual orgies.



2. Sam's beak is large and suggestive. It is rounded like a tallywacker rather than pointy like an actual toucan's beak. It also has a buttocks shape near its base. This obscene shape is nowhere to be found on real toucans.



3. The cereal is comprised of rainbow-colored anuses. I think the previous sentence stands by itself.

Not to be outdone, General Mills began manufacturing this abomination:

[Sneaky Hippo]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

The reason I asked if it was me or the Doughboy was the devil is that if I assumed you meant it was me someone would have pointed out that it never said me specificly and that I have a guilty consience. I've seen it happen on other threads so a clear answer would be quite appreciated.

Why would General Mills want to turn children gay? Everyone likes cinnimon rolls regardless of sexual orientation so it wouldn't do much to help buisiness. Or are you suggesting that Satan founded General Mills and it using pastries to corrupt the nations children.

I don't see how me saying that the doughboy is meant to remind people of a baby makes me a sicko. No, I don't work for General Mills either.

The name Frankenberry is just combining the flavor (berry) with the mascot (frankenstein). The name Frankenberry flows better than, say, Berryenstein. The idea that being limp wristed, effeminate, and pink means that you are gay is just a stereotype. I know that you all hate homosexuals and believe that they are trying to corrupt children but that's only more reason to understand them. If you don't understand their "evil" how can you avoid it?

How do strawberries make children gay? Do they contain a chemical that changes sexual preference? Or is it sexually suggestive in some way that I don't see?

The name Toucan Sam is called that because he is, well, a toucan! SAM could be an acronym for a lot of things such as "Sell a motorcycle" or "Stop all mischief". Or it could just be Sam because Toucan Sam sounds better than Toucan Mike or Toucan Edward.



If you look at the orange part of this toucan's beak near the mouth you shall see that it does somewhat resemble a butt.

Exactly how does a ring shape automaticly symbolize and anus? By that logic you could say that a wedding ring is really a wedding anus or that Jesus wore an anus or thorns on his head before being crucified instead of a crown of thorns. (Before I get attacked for that last sentence let me jus say that I'm not trying to insult Jesus in any way, I'm just trying to show an error in your logic.)

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Goodness me! A logician has infiltrated our Godly forum.

About rings and circles and donuts and sodomite imagery: I will not post G0at$e, and in my exalted role as board idiot I forbid you to do so (of course you wouldn't but I must be clear, you understand of course). But if you would, visualize that very common image...urgh. Ewwww! Never mind. Do NOT visualize it.

Let us just say that topologists view the vertebrate body plan as a donut, the digestive system being the hole in the donut. Or if you are Hawaiian, the haole in the donut. </jest>

The reproductive system of the female, of course, is not topologically equivalent to a hole at all. This may startle many teenaged boys, but it is true.

Now, not all rings symbolize ungodly introcoarse with the nether digestive tract. You are quite right in that. That is where Christian insight comes into play.

Christians are people of faith. (Lately I have become fond of writing that. I think I will write it again!) Christians are people of FAITH! Christians will pick faith over logic every time. Logic plays a nice fiddle, but it is second fiddle. Faith is the first chair; faith is the concertmaster.

And so (having come the long way about) we have faith that we can recognize the unrighteous and unGodly efforts of liberal-dominated cereal companies to corrupt Christian youth. Our faith leads us to recognize the wedding ring as a symbol of Christ's never-ending love and the circular logic of Biblical infallibility, and the circular cereal bits promoted by Toucan Sam as a thinly veiled visual metaphor for homosexual rump-lust.

One can present a whole symphony of logic, but to the faithful logic is meant only to harmonize with faith...and never to take over the main theme.

That is why you should vote Huckabee for President. He is of the Faithful, and you can be sure that his national policies will not be guided by anything as flawed as human logic and reason.

Praise ye the Lord...but not Toucan Sam!

~~ OEJ

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

The reason I asked if it was me or the Doughboy was the devil is that if I assumed you meant it was me someone would have pointed out that it never said me specificly and that I have a guilty consience. I've seen it happen on other threads so a clear answer would be quite appreciated.

Why would General Mills want to turn children gay? Everyone likes cinnimon rolls regardless of sexual orientation so it wouldn't do much to help buisiness. Or are you suggesting that Satan founded General Mills and it using pastries to corrupt the nations children.

I don't see how me saying that the doughboy is meant to remind people of a baby makes me a sicko. No, I don't work for General Mills either.

The name Frankenberry is just combining the flavor (berry) with the mascot (frankenstein). The name Frankenberry flows better than, say, Berryenstein. The idea that being limp wristed, effeminate, and pink means that you are gay is just a stereotype. I know that you all hate homosexuals and believe that they are trying to corrupt children but that's only more reason to understand them. If you don't understand their "evil" how can you avoid it?

How do strawberries make children gay? Do they contain a chemical that changes sexual preference? Or is it sexually suggestive in some way that I don't see?

The name Toucan Sam is called that because he is, well, a toucan! SAM could be an acronym for a lot of things such as "Sell a motorcycle" or "Stop all mischief". Or it could just be Sam because Toucan Sam sounds better than Toucan Mike or Toucan Edward.

If you look at the orange part of this toucan's beak near the mouth you shall see that it does somewhat resemble a butt.

Exactly how does a ring shape automaticly symbolize and anus? By that logic you could say that a wedding ring is really a wedding anus or that Jesus wore an anus or thorns on his head before being crucified instead of a crown of thorns. (Before I get attacked for that last sentence let me jus say that I'm not trying to insult Jesus in any way, I'm just trying to show an error in your logic.)

I scarcely understand how you can refute such glaring facts. At least concede that Tony the Tiger's effeminate kerchief is a ploy by the Kellogg Company to turn boys into transvestites.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Even the unsaved scum who haunt our Godly forum can't disagree that this cereal is an abomination. The radical queers won't be happy until every child takes up the hobby of sodomy.

[Dr. Zaius]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Here's one of the early artifacts of cereal perversion:


Kinda sounds like an oxymormon, but you know what that cream refers to, besides gelato.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

General Mills used to make this heinous cereal:



As if the name "Twinkles" wasn't gay enough, General Mills decided to offer a "tutti-fruiti" variety.



Any parents that purchased this vile breakfast food for their sons might as well have shoved tallywackers up their little backsides as well.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

The reason I asked if it was me or the Doughboy was the devil is that if I assumed you meant it was me someone would have pointed out that it never said me specificly and that I have a guilty consience.

What? What have you got a guilty conscience about? Is it the case that even a hippo as sneaky as you can't defend queer cereals (queereals?) without feeling bad about it?

Why would General Mills want to turn children gay? Everyone likes cinnimon rolls regardless of sexual orientation so it wouldn't do much to help buisiness. Or are you suggesting that Satan founded General Mills and it using pastries to corrupt the nations children.

Does that really sound so implausible?

I don't see how me saying that the doughboy is meant to remind people of a baby makes me a sicko.

No, it's the fact that you find babies attractive that makes you a sicko, you sick sod!

I know that you all hate homosexuals and believe that they are trying to corrupt children but that's only more reason to understand them. If you don't understand their "evil" how can you avoid it?

And that is exactly what Old Man Hatchet was so valiantly trying to do before you flounced in here and started trying to queer the issue!

If you look at the orange part of this toucan's beak near the mouth you shall see that it does somewhat resemble a butt.

What? How could you possibly get an anus out of that? You are sick and twisted! Why must you try and read filth into a perfectly innocent bird's beak? What's wrong with you?

As if the name "Twinkles" wasn't gay enough, General Mills decided to offer a "tutti-fruiti" variety.



Any parents that purchased this vile breakfast food for their sons might as well have shoved tallywackers up their little backsides as well.

I dread to think of the injuries that must have resulted from children attempting to emulate that gay blade's fruit-spurting antics.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Brother Temperance, I would like your permission to begin using "queereal," although such a clever and wonderfully concise word more than likely came from the Holy Spirit.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Brother Temperance, I would like your permission to begin using "queereal," although such a clever and wonderfully concise word more than likely came from the Holy Spirit.

Brother, as long as you're confident it won't get you sued by General Mills for copyright infrigement, be my guest.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Here is yet another example of General Mills attempting to turn decent American boys into tallywacker-craving fiends:



I am not entirely certain what "pac-man" means, but the character bears a strong resemblance to a testicle. Note how the "c" and the hyphen in the product's name is made to look like a pac-man servicing a tallywacker. There is also an obsession with the pac-man's proportions. Apparently a normal-sized tallywacker will not do. No, they tout how "everything about pac-man is big," and that his tallywacker comes--I apologize for the juxtaposition of the two previous words--in a "new larger size." Lastly, four brightly-colored condoms adorn the box, which clearly advocates homosexual relations. Revolting and shameless. There will be a special place in Hell for those who concocted this Satanic queereal.

[JennyD]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Mr. Hatchet, are those condoms wearing boxing gloves?!

[Free At Last]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

The Pillsbury Doughboy, or Poppin' Fresh, has much to giggle about. Over the decades he has turned scores of decent American boys into depraved Sodomites. He has made batch after batch of homosexuals for his master, Satan, and his secret ingredient is parental apathy.



No one can refute that the Doughboy is gay. His dainty little scarf, the effeminate way he swivels his hips, his girly voice--all of this makes him the most conspicuously gay icon in the history of advertising. He makes Little Debbie look like the Marlboro Man. In the seventies, advertising geniuses gave him a wife, Poppie. The idea was so laughable that Poppie was dropped quicker than a Negro's trousers when he has a white woman alone.



It's obvious the makers of Pillsbury products have a homosexual agenda even without taking their mascot into account. Their packaging is disturbingly phallic. They are as obsessed with tallywackers as Georgia O'Keeffe was with cooters.



Friends, I don't know what the name "Poppin' Fresh" means. It is probably gay slang, and it more than likely has something to do with the anus. I do know that at the end of Pillsbury Doughboy commercials, the little homer is typically poked with a giant finger, another phallic symbol.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...arch&plindex=6

Brothers and Sisters of Christ, keep this insiduous product far from your homes. Don't let the Doughboy's next victim be your child.

Wow, I'm shocked. I never thought about the Pillsbury Doughboy in this way before. I just thought he was a silly mascot, but what you say does make sense. You Landover people really do leave no stone unturned and I'm thankful for you warning me of this smut.

When I was younger my Mother would always make these cinnamon rolls every Saturday morning and I thought it was a tasty treat. Now I know the truth. I really hope it's not too late for me, I can still be saved, right?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Wow, I'm shocked. I never thought about the Pillsbury Doughboy in this way before. I just thought he was a silly mascot, but what you say does make sense. You Landover people really do leave no stone unturned and I'm thankful for you warning me of this smut.

When I was younger my Mother would always make these cinnamon rolls every Saturday morning and I thought it was a tasty treat. Now I know the truth. I really hope it's not too late for me, I can still be saved, right?

Well, are you a queer?

We need to know what sort of perversion these breakfast rolls have lead you to if we are going to help guide you to Christ's Salvation&#169;.

[Free At Last]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Well, are you a queer?

We need to know what sort of perversion these breakfast rolls have lead you to if we are going to help guide you to Christ's Salvation©.

Well, I've never been with another man before, and I don't have any want to. But I feel that somewhere deep down inside me I have become...corrupted. I want to get it out of me! I want to accept the light of God!

Please! I don't want to die in Sin! I want these evil demons out of me! I'll do whatever it takes! Please! Tell me what I must do!