Joyous Occasion

[Mark Christ]

For those that do not know of me yet, I have a family of four fine boys and two of those female children. Mrs. Christ was incubating another female.

Well guess what! She had a miscarriage!

I know what the bible says. But there was no mischief nor did I strive to hurt (at least not enough to "cause" the miscarriage).

Exodus 21:22 If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart [from her], and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges [determine].

And more good news. As soon as her womb heals I now know how to make sure the seed I plant is male.
We have always done the dirty deed in the standard missionary position. But I read in a book that if you do it in the "doggy" style you are guaranteed a male child.
Now I just have to figure out what "doggy" style is.

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Congratulations, Mark. Tell me - is your surname really Christ? That's most unusual.

I don't know anything about this "doggy" thing you mention, but I LOVE that china ornament in your signature. I'd love to get some of those to hang on my wall.

[Mark Christ]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Congratulations, Mark. Tell me - is your surname really Christ? That's most unusual.

I don't know anything about this "doggy" thing you mention, but I LOVE that china ornament in your signature. I'd love to get some of those to hang on my wall.

Yes it is Christ. Shortened from Christensen. When my Great Grand Pappy came to the Glorious USA from Denmark he wisely dropped the ending so people wouldn't think we came from such a heathen country.

And I found the porcelain gun at my Church's holiday craft fair. I don't know if you can find them anywhere else.

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Yes it is Christ. Shortened from Christensen. When my Great Grand Pappy came to the Glorious USA from Denmark he wisely dropped the ending so people wouldn't think we came from such a heathen country.

Well that sounds very sensible. I know lots of people with strange foreign names shortened them when they came to the US so people speaking God's Own Language wouldn't have to wrap their tongues around outlandish words. You certainly couldn't go wrong with a wonderful name like Christ!

And I found the porcelain gun at my Church's holiday craft fair. I don't know if you can find them anywhere else.

It's a real treasure. If you ever see any more, you make sure you snap them up - they'd be a valuable collector's item, as well as a very beautiful and artistic thing!

[Dirk]

Re: Joyous Occasion

For those that do not know of me yet, I have a family of four fine boys and two of those female children. Mrs. Christ was incubating another female.

Well guess what! She had a miscarriage!

I know what the bible says. But there was no mischief nor did I strive to hurt (at least not enough to "cause" the miscarriage).

Exodus 21:22 If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart [from her], and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges [determine].

And more good news. As soon as her womb heals I now know how to make sure the seed I plant is male.
We have always done the dirty deed in the standard missionary position. But I read in a book that if you do it in the "doggy" style you are guaranteed a male child.
Now I just have to figure out what "doggy" style is.

I'm not sure either what doggy style is, but it's good to see you produce white children. We need more white people, so this country stays white. Also, the more soldiers of Christ we have, the better.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Praise Jesus Brother Mark! This is great news!

Doggy style? I do hope this is not what I think it is.

Leviticus 18
23Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Doggy style? I do hope this is not what I think it is.

Leviticus 18
23Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

I was imagining that it was something like - well, you know that when a doggy is really happy to see you, they jump up on you and lick you? That's soo cute. I thought it was that. I certainly hope that it's not...that thing you suggested! Surely not.

Mark - do any of your children have tails?

[Sister Charli]

Re: Joyous Occasion

We have an English Staffordshire bull terrier and his "style" is to straddle my lower leg and rock back and forward rather rapidly.

I fail to understand how that will help Mark and Mrs Christ make a boy child.

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: Joyous Occasion

It's really not that complicated. Doggy style simply means that she gets on all fours and he pentrates her vaginally from behind.

[Mark Christ]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Leviticus 18
23Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

I was imagining that it was something like - well, you know that when a doggy is really happy to see you, they jump up on you and lick you?

We have an English Staffordshire bull terrier and his "style" is to straddle my lower leg and rock back and forward rather rapidly.

This "doggy" style sounds absolutely HORRIFYING! Bestiality at its sickest!

I will stick with missionary and pray to Jesus to implant a male seed. The two females must be a result of me not praying hard enough.

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Joyous Occasion

It's really not that complicated. Doggy style simply means that she gets on all fours and he pentrates her vaginally from behind.

FELICITY! AVERT YOUR EYES!

How dare you write that FILTH here in God's Favorite Forum?

Are you suggesting that people should behave like MONKEYS? Have you been smoking crack?
We'll have none of that toilet talk here, thank you very much!

[Lisa H]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Perverted item removed

That would have to be the most disgusting thing ever written on here. I could not believe a women could write such things.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Joyous Occasion

That would have to be the most disgusting thing ever written on here. I could not believe a women could write such things.

Atheists are absolutely disgusting. They do all sorts of disgusting things (like what was mentioned) because "they're animals and other animals do it so it's natural". I'm actually amazed they don't practice coprophagia since that's very common in animals as well. Maybe they do and just don't discuss it

[Logical Debater]

Re: Joyous Occasion

Well guess what! She had a miscarriage!

I find it terrible that a human life was extinguished like this, and I find it kind of scary that you are celebrating the loss of a life.

And more good news. As soon as her womb heals I now know how to make sure the seed I plant is male.
We have always done the dirty deed in the standard missionary position. But I read in a book that if you do it in the "doggy" style you are guaranteed a male child.
Now I just have to figure out what "doggy" style is.

I could tell you what doggy style is, but that will most likely get me banned. I will tell you that you have been misinformed and that doggy style has no more influence on the gender of the child than missionary.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Joyous Occasion

I find it terrible that a human life was extinguished like this, and I find it kind of scary that you are celebrating the loss of a life.

It was only a female.