I need advice, mother is coming to visit

[Benedict A. Davis]

I found a message on my machine this morning and I am in a bit of a quandary.It was a message from my mother. Since she has found out about Landover Baptist Church and Freehold Iowa she has wanted to visit. Mother has always been a staunch Christian and raised me in the beliefs of the True Christian, she has been a hard worker for the Lord and an exemplary Christian wife. In fact I can only remember half a dozen times that my Father had to resort to corporal punishment for her endeavors.
The issue is about 2 years ago doctors diagnosed Rheumatoid arthritis and it has quickly progressed into her being wheelchair bound. You can see my problem, right. How can I have her come visit and then have her sit outside of the Church during services. I mean it is winter and this is Iowa.

Leviticus 21: 17-23 says “Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed, or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; no man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy and of the holy, only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish, that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the Lord do sanctify them.”

God excluded all of these people from service because he felt that their physical distinctions would “profane” his sanctuaries even if one of them is my mother.

[James Hutchins]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

Just lock her in yor wifes menstra-hut when she visits. That is what I do when my wifes mother comes.
My mother never visits, apparently she fell down a abandoned well when I was young. She is Hell, the harlot.

[HTannor]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

You can see my problem, right. How can I have her come visit and then have her sit outside of the Church during services. I mean it is winter and this is Iowa.

A little birdy gave me this idea. (In no way can you say it came from me - okay?)

Take her to the local casino before church service hours. Roll her up to a slot machine. Give her a large bag of nickles. Return sometime later in the afternoon. She's out of the snow and ice. You're free of guilt. We're talking Win-Win (Unless the nickles are from your tithing fund - then we have to rethink the whole problem.)

Remember, you didn't get his idea from me.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

You can see my problem, right. How can I have her come visit and then have her sit outside of the Church during services. I mean it is winter and this is Iowa.

So? If The Lord wants her to freeze to death, who are you to intervene?

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

A little birdy gave me this idea. (In no way can you say it came from me - okay?)

Take her to the local casino before church service hours. Roll her up to a slot machine. Give her a large bag of nickles. Return sometime later in the afternoon. She's out of the snow and ice. You're free of guilt. We're talking Win-Win (Unless the nickles are from your tithing fund - then we have to rethink the whole problem.)

Remember, you didn't get his idea from me.

Unfortunately the problem is mother is still sharp as a tack and it is the body that is failing. If there were any signs of dementia I could just park her in front of the fish tank at the chinky restaurant. Mother is going to want to go to services while visiting. It is the Church's condemnation that is the issue....after all she is crippled.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

So? If The Lord wants her to freeze to death, who are you to intervene?

Wise words friend, thank you.

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

Just a thought, but when you pull up to Landover for services, use the valet lane, and just leave her in the mini-van.

When service is over, Eduardo or Estevan will bring your rig back up to the front door and you will be none the worse for wear. She will be out of the wind, and if the valet leaves the keys, she can listen to the service on the Landover FM station.

Win-win, you can make sure she paid attention to the sermon, and the Church will not be desecrated by an enfeebled and decrepit old woman.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

Just a thought, but when you pull up to Landover for services, use the valet lane, and just leave her in the mini-van.

When service is over, Eduardo or Estevan will bring your rig back up to the front door and you will be none the worse for wear. She will be out of the wind, and if the valet leaves the keys, she can listen to the service on the Landover FM station.

Win-win, you can make sure she paid attention to the sermon, and the Church will not be desecrated by an enfeebled and decrepit old woman.

Well, if she rides up in the van she will see all those steps up to the Main Chapel. I could give her the option of waiting in the warm car or she can navigate the stairs herself. If the Lord wants her to attend He will show her the way .

[HTannor]

Re: I need advice, mother is coming to visit

When service is over, Eduardo or Estevan will bring your rig back up to the front door and you will be none the worse for wear. She will be out of the wind, and if the valet leaves the keys, she can listen to the service on the Landover FM station.

Leave it to Brother Griner to find a good solution. Little wonder he is a True Christian™.

You should be reassured that Eduardro or Estevan are not of the negroidal persuasion who would immediately rape her and grab any pies she baked.

Since the espanishoids have little use for their genitoidal "shortcomings" you shouldn't be of danger of your mother being in a dangerous position.