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Family Crisis
I’m worried about my eldest son. He is about to graduate grade 10 (our school year is different from yours), the final year of compulsory education in my state. Until now the plan has always been that he would leave school and get a job so that he could contribute to the family and save up to get married — probably next year. He’s been courting a girl from our church and out here it’s legal to marry at 16.
The problem is he’s been getting exceptional grades at school, and when one of his teachers found out he was planning to drop out at the end of the year, she stuck her nose into our business and asked to meet with me and my wife. I explained to her the situation, but she just couldn’t accept it. There were several times when I wanted to smack her in the mouth, but a voice inside said, “No, Pim! She’s not your wife. She’s not your property. You wouldn’t like it if someone else hit your wife, would you?” So after the meeting, in accordance with Mat 18:15-16, I called her husband and told him he needed to get his wife under control. I was shocked by his reaction. Bear in mind this is supposedly a Christian school my kids go to, so I thought he would understand, but instead he yelled me and told me never to call him again and hung up.
Minutes later the police were on my doorstep. I didn’t get arrested or anything. They just told me they’d received a complaint from the teacher’s husband and wanted to clear up what my intentions were, whether I’d meant to threaten them. I managed to convince that wasn’t my intention, so they went their way after warning me to leave them alone.
Anyway, my son’s teacher informed the principal of the incident, and he has asked me to pull all of my children from the school at the end of the year. I don’t know where I’m going to send them. There aren’t many Christian schools where I live, and my wife isn’t smart enough to home school them. We tried it once before, but my kids kept getting bad grades, so we had to send them to school. Seems like you can’t beat brains into a woman. Does anyone have any ideas as to what we could do?
But that’s not the end of my troubles. My son’s teacher also spoke to the school psychologist. Apparently she insinuated that my son was under duress to quit school and that there might be “domestic violence” at home. So of course he arranged an appointment with my wife and me, and I thought I clearly explained everything to him, but I’ve just found out he’s referred the matter to the Department for Child Protection. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Apparently there will be some sort of investigation. But I’m worried I could lose my kids and that my wife might be encouraged to leave me — not that I think she would.
I wonder what my son did to arouse the suspicions of his teacher. Why did he tell her he was leaving at the end of the year instead of telling her to mind her own business? Does he secretly want to finish school and go to university? I’ve asked him these questions, and he always gives me the answers I want to hear, but I’m not sure if I believe him.
The other night after dinner, during our family devotional time, I read 1 Tim 5:8 — “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” My son knew it was for him; he stared at the floor the whole time. I pine for the days when I used to be able to bounce him off the walls when he gave me attitude, but he’s a big boy now — a lot bigger than me already, and he’s still growing. Hitting him is like tapping an elephant with a feather: he doesn’t take it seriously.
As I see it, this whole messy situation is the result of a gross oversight on my son’s part. I am thinking of informing the elders at my church and perhaps asking them to initiate church disciplinary proceedings against my son (Mat 18 again). Is this warranted, do you think? Of course, I’m worried it could end in my son getting excommunicated, and then I’d have to shun him until he repented, which might be never. And that would also look bad for me.
If he does try to delay getting a job, or if the DCP in some way discourages him or prevents him, I am thinking that I will have to tell my wife to stop making meals for him. For “if any would not work, neither should he eat” (2 Thes 3:10). Of course, I am reluctant to do this. I’ve searched the Scriptures to see if there is any way around it, but I just can’t find one. Is there no other way? Would I have any other option if it came to it? Of course, it may not come to this. Maybe mind is just racing ahead to what might happen, and in fact I don’t know what will happen. It’s just that in a matter of weeks, my son will have finished school, and after a short break over Christmas/ New Year, he ought to have found a permanent full-time job by early January. There’s not much time. Everything is about to come to a head within the next month or two. Please help.
The problem is he’s been getting exceptional grades at school, and when one of his teachers found out he was planning to drop out at the end of the year, she stuck her nose into our business and asked to meet with me and my wife. I explained to her the situation, but she just couldn’t accept it. There were several times when I wanted to smack her in the mouth, but a voice inside said, “No, Pim! She’s not your wife. She’s not your property. You wouldn’t like it if someone else hit your wife, would you?” So after the meeting, in accordance with Mat 18:15-16, I called her husband and told him he needed to get his wife under control. I was shocked by his reaction. Bear in mind this is supposedly a Christian school my kids go to, so I thought he would understand, but instead he yelled me and told me never to call him again and hung up.
Minutes later the police were on my doorstep. I didn’t get arrested or anything. They just told me they’d received a complaint from the teacher’s husband and wanted to clear up what my intentions were, whether I’d meant to threaten them. I managed to convince that wasn’t my intention, so they went their way after warning me to leave them alone.
Anyway, my son’s teacher informed the principal of the incident, and he has asked me to pull all of my children from the school at the end of the year. I don’t know where I’m going to send them. There aren’t many Christian schools where I live, and my wife isn’t smart enough to home school them. We tried it once before, but my kids kept getting bad grades, so we had to send them to school. Seems like you can’t beat brains into a woman. Does anyone have any ideas as to what we could do?
But that’s not the end of my troubles. My son’s teacher also spoke to the school psychologist. Apparently she insinuated that my son was under duress to quit school and that there might be “domestic violence” at home. So of course he arranged an appointment with my wife and me, and I thought I clearly explained everything to him, but I’ve just found out he’s referred the matter to the Department for Child Protection. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Apparently there will be some sort of investigation. But I’m worried I could lose my kids and that my wife might be encouraged to leave me — not that I think she would.
I wonder what my son did to arouse the suspicions of his teacher. Why did he tell her he was leaving at the end of the year instead of telling her to mind her own business? Does he secretly want to finish school and go to university? I’ve asked him these questions, and he always gives me the answers I want to hear, but I’m not sure if I believe him.
The other night after dinner, during our family devotional time, I read 1 Tim 5:8 — “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” My son knew it was for him; he stared at the floor the whole time. I pine for the days when I used to be able to bounce him off the walls when he gave me attitude, but he’s a big boy now — a lot bigger than me already, and he’s still growing. Hitting him is like tapping an elephant with a feather: he doesn’t take it seriously.
As I see it, this whole messy situation is the result of a gross oversight on my son’s part. I am thinking of informing the elders at my church and perhaps asking them to initiate church disciplinary proceedings against my son (Mat 18 again). Is this warranted, do you think? Of course, I’m worried it could end in my son getting excommunicated, and then I’d have to shun him until he repented, which might be never. And that would also look bad for me.
If he does try to delay getting a job, or if the DCP in some way discourages him or prevents him, I am thinking that I will have to tell my wife to stop making meals for him. For “if any would not work, neither should he eat” (2 Thes 3:10). Of course, I am reluctant to do this. I’ve searched the Scriptures to see if there is any way around it, but I just can’t find one. Is there no other way? Would I have any other option if it came to it? Of course, it may not come to this. Maybe mind is just racing ahead to what might happen, and in fact I don’t know what will happen. It’s just that in a matter of weeks, my son will have finished school, and after a short break over Christmas/ New Year, he ought to have found a permanent full-time job by early January. There’s not much time. Everything is about to come to a head within the next month or two. Please help.
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