[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

Quoth Talitha:
Have you ever thought of behaving like a REAL Man for a change?
You know, slap her around a bit and force her to get you a Beer?

If you've read my intro post, you know I arrived naked and ashamed in your time from The Future! However, I did not get very far in your time before getting into some difficulty. If I had first posted to this forum that I'm being held captive by madwoman who keeps me locked up in her carport and forces me to work on lawnmowers, no one would believe that I was a messenger from The Future! sent to fix The Present!


Quoth eliot mayfield:
Just a danged blamed minute here! I recognize this writing. Back when I was usnsaved and a pervert, I used to read science fiction. That's L. Ron. Hubbard writing!

Alas Brother Mayfield, another problem with The Future! is the runaway popularity of all things L Ron. Nearly all popular culture in The Future! is heavily influenced by Hubbard's rambling writings. It has undoubtedly affected the way I put words together. Damn you L. Ron! It sickens me that his Ungodly writing has corrupted me. Hopefully, my constant KJV 1611 exposure will purge any Hubbardness I have inadvertantly acquired.

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

It might be a demon but maybe not. Have you tried soap?

I have, Pastor, but my papist sin cave continues to weep.

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

This is the King James Version, published in 1611. if you would like, you may view it in its entirety at http://www.biblegateway.com.

It is the only Bible recognised here by those that are Truly Saved.

Thank you, brother Fish? sister Fish?

I shall strive to allow this site to guide me to Salvation. It looks quite similar to a site I often consult myself, http://www.facade.com/tarot/

[Filet-o-fish]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

What's KJV1611? Is that some sort of text speak like ROTFLMAO?

This is the King James Version, published in 1611. if you would like, you may view it in its entirety at http://www.biblegateway.com.

It is the only Bible recognised here by those that are Truly Saved.

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

Or you could go online and read a KJV1611 version and no other!
Start at the beginning and read and pray.

What's KJV1611? Is that some sort of text speak like ROTFLMAO?

I was going to mention that.

No.

We are not Catholics, and know that so-called "stigmata" is the mark of the Emosexual, one who cuts herself for sexual arousal and then uses the extra orifices for the depraved pleasuring of herself and others.

We are True Christians™. We are Independent Fundamentalist Baptists.

We follow the King James Bible, in its entirety.

If you do so, following every single one of God's commands, and love Jesus with all your heart, He will give you His unending and unconditional Love. He will let you go to Heaven when you die, where you can spend eternity servicing Him and praising Him without ceasing and without end.

Doesn't that sound better than servicing a group of horsehung Negro gangbangers?

Fall to your knees and open up for Jesus, missy! Stop opening up for Jose and Juan; they don't love you like Jesus will, if you ask Him to and obey Him without question!!

Hmm, I was raised Catholic and I thought stigmata was Jesus' gift to his holey followers, but I appreciate your instruction in this matter.

I will open up for Jesus on my knees, Jose and Juan can wait, I know Jesus will love me better. I will obey Him and bring honor to His name.

[Deaner]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

I'm getting a little sick of my own stench of perversion, the fumes from my oozing slut cave are really getting to me.

Does it have anything to do with that midget demon the umlaut?

It might be a demon but maybe not. Have you tried soap?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

Excellent. I will. I'm getting a little sick of my own stench of perversion, the fumes from my oozing slut cave are really getting to me.

I was going to mention that.

Do you think if I prayed really hard I could get a little stigmata and be born again?

Now, understand, I come from a Catholic background and have some Jew in me, so I'm not sure whether Jesus would welcome me with open arms.

I think the only way for me to know he truly wants me is through stigmata . Could you pray for some stigmata for me?

No.

We are not Catholics, and know that so-called "stigmata" is the mark of the Emosexual, one who cuts herself for sexual arousal and then uses the extra orifices for the depraved pleasuring of herself and others.

We are True Christians(tm). We are Independent Fundamentalist Baptists.

We follow the King James Bible, in its entirety.

If you do so, following every single one of God's commands, and love Jesus with all your heart, He will give you His unending and unconditional Love. He will let you go to Heaven when you die, where you can spend eternity servicing Him and praising Him without ceasing and without end.

Doesn't that sound better than servicing a group of horsehung Negro gangbangers?

Fall to your knees and open up for Jesus, missy! Stop opening up for Jose and Juan; they don't love you like Jesus will, if you ask Him to and obey Him without question!!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

Mmm, no, but I could steal one from the motel I frequent

Or you could go online and read a KJV1611 version and no other!
Start at the beginning and read and pray.

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

Do you own a Bible?

Mmm, no, but I could steal one from the motel I frequent

[eliot mayfield]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

Bliss, Brother, I pick Bliss! But could you be a little more specific, please? How does a sorry slut like me open her black heart to the Lord?

Do you own a Bible?

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

We're offering you the chance at salvation. Are you interested or not? Do you want to go to paradise and live in eternal bliss, or to Hell and eternal agony?

Bliss, Brother, I pick Bliss! But could you be a little more specific, please? How does a sorry slut like me open her black heart to the Lord?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

We're offering you the chance at salvation. Are you interested or not? Do you want to go to paradise and live in eternal bliss, or to Hell and eternal agony?

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

You must open your heart to Jesus!

Yes, Brother, but it's not my heart I'm worried about

[eliot mayfield]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

You must open your heart to Jesus!

[Jez4HeyZeuz]

Re: The Present! is Difficult

If you are just here to tease and have fun, then you're at the wrong place. This is a church of the Lord.
If you're serious about being saved, this is the place.

I am serious, Brother Mayfield. I am lost. I need instruction.