Moving to Freehold

[Bob4God]

Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS,

I feel the LORD is calling me home. No, I'm not dying. He's calling me to an earthly home, the home of the Truest Christians: Freehold, Iowa.

I've always loved living here in Corn Null, but I feel like I should be closer to my holy siblings.

I would love to talk to a Landover real estate agent, and maybe see some property and learn about the town. I've been to Freehold a few times, but I certainly need to know more.

What kind of employment opportunities are there in Freehold? What is the ratio of saved to unsaved persons? I assume the local government is strictly Republican? (Hopefully.)

Please let me know, so that I and JESUS can make the best choice for me.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Moving to Freehold

My son has a thriving real-estate practice. He is very good at steering clients toward properties that are appropriate for them and away from properties in communities that do not suit their needs, so you know that you'll be in the right neighborhood with the right kind of people as your neighbors.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Moving to Freehold

What is the ratio of saved to unsaved persons? I assume the local government is strictly Republican?

Pretty much the only unsaved in Freehold are household servants and many of the lower wage earners in the service and maintenance industries. They're forbidden by charter to live within the town limits unless they are not citizens, in which case they can stay in servants quarters, so they can't vote for any of the town council ensuring our local government is 100% Republican.

[Pinecone]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Strangest thing, in consulting mapquest.com and the state maps of Kansas and Iowa, I have been unable to locate any indications that either Corn null or Freehold exist.

Perhaps they are listed under other names?

If you could provide me a link I would be very apprecieative.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Strangest thing, in consulting mapquest.com and the state maps of Kansas and Iowa, I have been unable to locate any indications that either Corn null or Freehold exist.

Perhaps they are listed under other names?

If you could provide me a link I would be very apprecieative.

Freehold is unincorporated so that we keep off the maps. It's bad enough the federal government knows where we are, we don't know armies of Wicceds and sodomites showing up on our doorsteps.

[Bob4God]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Corn Null sits right on the Kansas/Oklahoma state line, not far from the town of Coffeyville, famous for the demise of the Dalton gang of course.

We only have about 950 people, and because of our geographical position, we remain mostly unnoticed by the rest of the world, which is fine by us.

On a more interesting note, one of the Daltons bought a horse raised in what is now Corn Null!

Now then, Pastor Peters,

I would love to talk to your son about some real estate, and maybe book a time to come and see my options and meet up with Pastor Zeke for hotdogs and a ballgame maybe.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Brother Bob4, I'd be happy to meet up with you, show you around Freehold, and help you get adjusted to your new life in God's favorite town. A few hot dogs and a ballgame is one of my favorite ways of relaxing from my Pastoral duties. And let me assure you that the local government in Freehold is not only righteously Republican, it is guided by God's Law.

You might want to get in touch with sister Marla Jennings, who is a leading True Christian™ Realtor in Freehold. She can set you up with a real nice place, I'm sure.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Ah to move to Freehold, Iowa, one day. That is certainly a dream of mine. Good luck finding real estate, Bob.

Rumour has it they have a PIPELINE of Coke acola!

[Bob4God]

Re: Moving to Freehold

I've spoken with Sister Marla about seeing some property in the Freehold area. I'll be heading to Freehold on the 5th of September and spend the weekend. It'll be so nice to taken in a good old fashioned LBC sermon on Sunday! I haven't been to Freehold for about six years, but I'm sure it's as wonderful a place as ever!

Looking forward to seeing you all!

[Bob4God]

Re: Moving to Freehold

It's 9:30, Sept. 5, and I'm just getting ready to head out the door and start the long drive to Freehold.

It'll be about a six or seven hour drive, especially with Iowa speed limits.

I should be there around 3:30 or later this evening.

See you tonight!

I will blog my progress of searching for a new home this weekend in this thread.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Moving to Freehold

It's 9:30, Sept. 5, and I'm just getting ready to head out the door and start the long drive to Freehold.

It'll be about a six or seven hour drive, especially with Iowa speed limits.

I should be there around 3:30 or later this evening.

See you tonight!

I will blog my progress of searching for a new home this weekend in this thread.

Bid a fond farewell to Corn Hole for us!

[Bob4God]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Well I arrived at Freehold around 4:00.

I'm going to go see some property tomorrow, and I'm currently risiding in a modest Christian hotel. Pastor Zeke, when are you coming over to say hi???

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Well I arrived at Freehold around 4:00.

I'm going to go see some property tomorrow, and I'm currently residing in a modest Christian hotel. Pastor Zeke, when are you coming over to say hi???

Brother Bob4, Bobby Joe and his boys in security have located your hotel and they've sent a car out to pick you up. I wouldn't dream of making you stay in some cold, impersonal hotel while you visit. The Western Wing of my Pastoral Estate is presently unoccupied, so I offer it to you.

I can't wait to see you in the flesh. There is something I want to get straight between us as soon as you get in the door. Glory!!

[Bob4God]

Re: Moving to Freehold

Brother Bob4, Bobby Joe and his boys in security have located your hotel and they've sent a car out to pick you up. I wouldn't dream of making you stay in some cold, impersonal hotel while you visit. The Western Wing of my Pastoral Estate is presently unoccupied, so I offer it to you.

I can't wait to see you in the flesh. There is something I want to get straight between us as soon as you get in the door. Glory!!

I am now writing to you all comfortably from the west wing of Pastor Zeke's modest Christian home. He and his staff are so very hospitable! He's already popped up three or four times to make sure my needs are taken care of.

We passed some lovely homes on the way over here, and I'm looking forward to seeing them on the inside tomorrow with Sister Jennings.

I hear there are some discounts available to generous contributers and members of the Republican Party.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Moving to Freehold

I am now writing to you all comfortably from the west wing of Pastor Zeke's modest Christian home. He and his staff are so very hospitable! He's already popped up three or four times to make sure my needs are taken care of.

We passed some lovely homes on the way over here, and I'm looking forward to seeing them on the inside tomorrow with Sister Jennings.

I hear there are some discounts available to generous contributers and members of the Republican Party.

How I envy you Brother Bob! Being able to breath the fresh Godly air of Freehold. Meeting all those True Christians™ "in the flesh" so to speak. Having the Pastor minister to you whenever he feels moved to do so. It must be about as close to Heaven as a True Christian™ can get with being taken by Jesus!

Someday I hope that I too will get the chance leave the Godless cesspool that is California and come to live in Freehold, but I'm sure that day is far, far away. As I said, I envy you.

Don't forget to change your profile. I don't think your in Kansas anymore!

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