Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face!

[Brother Rod Spentley]

Hello Brothers and Sisters in the Lord,

My name is Brother Rod Spentley. Now, I'm a bit more Pentecostal that LBC, but I hope that won't disqualify me from membership on your board, because I have to tell you, LBC is one of my favorite ministries, and I'll tell you why:

LBC, other than my own ministry, is probably the only other ministry out there that believes like I do, that sinners need to be beaten within and inch of their lives! I love kicking sinners in the face, punching sinful cancer patients in the stomach and other Godly Acts through The Holy Ghost! Praise GOD!!!!!

I'm here at your disposal. I'll be happy to sit at the back of the church with the nigras, since I know that my post-modern appearance may be a bit disconcerting for some of the more elegant members of the church, but I am totally at your disposal if you need any sinners punched in the face or strung up by their toes, I'm your man!

Thanks for such a Godly ministry, looking forward to participating in whatever capacity you will allow.

Sorry for the way I look. At one time I was a hardcore sinner too and I'll need extensive surgeries to fix all the damage I did to my body with tatoos and piercings, meantime though, I really would like to be of service to Godly people and the Lord laying the smackdown on sinners. Glory be.

Brother Rod

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

I just recently found this Godly forum myself. But I've been here long enough to know that you are going to "ruffle some feathers" around here, just to let you know. You might want to take it easy on the punching, kicking, and smackdown stuff.

[Brother Rod Spentley]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

I just recently found this Godly forum myself. But I've been here long enough to know that you are going to "ruffle some feathers" around here, just to let you know. You might want to take it easy on the punching, kicking, and smackdown stuff.

Praise God Brother, thanks for your welcome. I'll be of service to the Godly folks and the Lord here, however I can. But I really enjoy serving the Lord by laying the sinners out cold.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Hello Brothers and Sisters in the Lord,

My name is Brother Rod Spentley. Now, I'm a bit more Pentecostal that LBC...

Brother Rod

Friend, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for Jesus, I'm still very bothered by your Pentecostal tendencies. No man can serve two masters: you can either worship Christ or snakes, but not both. Which one'll it be then, eh?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Sweet Jesus in the morning!! What ARE you!?!?

[Nobar King]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

I think using the image of the most pierced person in the world was a bad idea. Jesus frowns on body manipulation, so you must be expecting us to see you as beyond saving. You didn't think this out very well, did you?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Goodness, those are piercings? I thought an Unsaved wretch had vomited on his face!

Perhaps Landover is a bit more "diverse" than my church, Mr. Elephant Man, but we would place someone like you in the Prayer Cottage, a converted woodshed behind the church with a closed-circuit TV line to the sanctuary. That way, you, Rufus Jones the Negro, and Mr. Lee the Chinaman could watch the service without disgusting our Saved(c) congregation.

Doesn't it look cozy?

[Brother Rod Spentley]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Friend, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for Jesus, I'm still very bothered by your Pentecostal tendencies. No man can serve two masters: you can either worship Christ or snakes, but not both. Which one'll it be then, eh?

Well Brother T, I worship Jesus of course! But may I share some scripture with you that we Pentecostals take literally, along with the rest of God's word?

Mark 16:16-18 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

And then over in Luke, the Lord talks about how we will tread on the serpents, AND he adds scorpions into the mix! Isn't that totally cool!!!!
Luke 10:19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

So brother, don't worry, I don't worship serpents. I was told by my Pentecostal brothers that there has always been a bit of disagreement between the Baptists and us, but I explained to them that I needed to reach out to a ministry that really believes in beating down the sinners as much as I do.

See my picture there in the avatar? Notice the black eyes? Well Brother, that picture was taken 5 minutes after I was saved and 20 minutes after I had my behind whoopped by a group of Godly Saved Christian Men out in the street for being a vile sinner. And I was a vile unsaved sinner! That is, until I met the steel toed end of a Godly man's boot and Jesus Christ as my Savior!

[Brother Rod Spentley]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Goodness, those are piercings? I thought an Unsaved wretch had vomited on his face!

Perhaps Landover is a bit more "diverse" than my church, Mr. Elephant Man, but we would place someone like you in the Prayer Cottage, a converted woodshed behind the church with a closed-circuit TV line to the sanctuary. That way, you, Rufus Jones the Negro, and Mr. Lee the Chinaman could watch the service without disgusting our Saved© congregation.

Doesn't it look cozy?

Brother, I will gladly cover my face with a loin cloth if the Godly folks here would want that. You see before I was saved, I was really vile and disgusting, and now I've accepted Jesus but I'm still vile and disgusting until I can get the surgery I need to repair all of the damage from the piercings and tattoos.

That little room there looks wonderful! I would love to attend services and sit back there with the nigras and chinamens!

[Brother Rod Spentley]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Oh one other question. I was hoping that I could find a Godly wife eventually. I don't want to end up a homerist, and am seeking a True Christian wife. Any thoughts on how I can go about this? Any ladies at the church that would be interested in marriage?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

Oh one other question. I was hoping that I could find a Godly wife eventually. I don't want to end up a homerist, and am seeking a True Christian wife. Any thoughts on how I can go about this? Any ladies at the church that would be interested in marriage?

You need to get Saved(c) first. No True Christian(tm) lady will give you the time of day unless and until that occurs. You look like a demon straight out of the bowels of hell, and you have yet to be washed clean of sin in Christ's cleansing blood.

A good first step would be to show your good intentions with a robust Love Offering to Jesus, via that Paypal button at the bottom of this page.

[JennyD]

Re: Praise God! New To LBC But Not To Kicking Sinners In the Face

I think I can speak for most of the Ladies of Landover when I say that no woman wants to MARRY her pincushion!