Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

[Faith_Machine]

I hate to go public with this, but I understand the former Mrs. Chalmers has brought this matter to our senior pastors, and you do know how women like to flap their gums, so it's likely some of you have already gotten wind of it.

As you know, during summer vacation, I lead boys into the wilderness outside Desert Hot Springs, California, "in search of Christ."


These spiritual retreats involve "roughing it" in nature, and are designed to prepare the boys for an initiation ritual that was, up until now, secret.


After entering the secret room in my RV and passing the special test of loyalty to Him, those boys are ready to graduate, and be inducted into the Young Men in Christ activity league and neighborhood patrol!


Now, as you know, ever since Inga Chalmers' husband Iner ran off and left her to raise Aphid by herself, the poor lady has had, well, a negative outlook on life.


So when I heard she was citing Matthew 24:26, and claiming I was leading boys into the desert, and into secret chambers, to meet a false Christ, I was not exactly surprised.


Just to be clear, though, I have never claimed Jesus was literally waiting for those boys in the desert, nor in my RV's secret room.


Please pray for Mrs. Chalmers, and please pray our pastors will not be too troubled by her stirring of the pot.


Thank you.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Thank you, Brother Faith, for clarifying all that. I know the Senior pastors will be happy to hear this information.

Moving about Freehold as I do, I have picked up some loose talk at the Senior Citizen's Center and at meetings of the Freehold Public Schools staff. I tell everyone we are so fortunate to have you, Brother Faith, enthusiastically engaging with these young men. That valuable time spent with you in remote locations can only lead more of them to Christ.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Brother Faith,

I, too, have a burden for our young men. I want to see them grow strong and tall, facing life's hardest battles with determination and courage. It is for that reason that I would be willing to take some of these boys off your hands and provide them with a similar workshop in godless NY City. I can take them places they've never been and teach them the importance of being on your knees.

Of course, it it is preferable to you that I don't upset your delicate balance, I completely understand. However, in the interim I've taken the liberty of contacting some of your participants and I would like to share with you some of their most revealing concerns. I'm thinking this might be best accomplished in private. Especially that McFarley boy, who was able to describe your sessions in some detail.

Yours with our youth in mind,
BrotherLarry

PS: What is the Underwear Challenge? When I asked about it, I was told you said something about keeping that VERY secret. McFarley didn't keep any secrets, just so you know. I admit, I'm a little puzzled with some of the "challenge" myself. Can't wait to hear from you.

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Hmm, are these spiritual retreats restricted to just young boys? By the sound of it all, I would love to accompany you and the next group of young boys in order to come closer to God myself. I think I would rather enjoy roughing it with you and that group of young boys in the quiet remote location. I can bake some chocolate brownies and go buy some candy for everyone to enjoy while outside if you want.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Larry, ixnay on the oosely alktay, OK?

First of all, that kid is a Mick, and you know how imaginative the Irish can be.


That said, yes, I would say this is a conversation better had in private.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Hmm, are these spiritual retreats restricted to just young boys? By the sound of it all, I would love to accompany you and the next group of young boys in order to come closer to God myself. I think I would rather enjoy roughing it with you and that group of young boys in the quiet remote location. I can bake some chocolate brownies and go buy some candy for everyone to enjoy while outside if you want.

Bubba, how's your tithing schedule looking? We sure would love to be able to expand these retreats and include more people, perhaps adding men in your age group as mentors.

But the thing is, it costs us a lot to offer these retreats.

More tithing = more and better retreats, with more possible "mentor" roles!

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

I would love to tithe lots of money to help you with the retreats. The problem is, Pastor Ezekiel doesn't want to accept my donations as I am unsaved. If possible, could I send you the money via moneygram directly in order to make more retreats with "possible mentoring" opportunities? I also employ several high school aged boys at my ranch who I could convince I'm sure who would highly benefit from these retreats as well. Perhaps I may be able to convince their parents to donate to your godly and worthy cause as well.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Mr. Buck, I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding here. The Landover Baptist Church welcomes tithes from the unsaved.

Speaking of which, why aren't you saved? Are you not reading your Bible every day?

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

Maybe I did misunderstand. To whom to I make the checks out to? Also, I do happen to read the Bible everyday as often as I can. Most of the time I take a teenage farmhand into my home to read along with me at night because I want the people I hire to be saved as well. I cannot give the names of the boys at the moment because of privacy reasons, but I assure you if you come visit my land Faith Machine, most if not all of the boys here will vouch for me that I take them into my home for Christian traditions. You can partake in them as well as long as you don't go bragging about it. These young boys have all agreed that it's best not to make it too public.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need to clarify something regarding my Young Boys in Christ activity group

That's very nice, Bubba, but the blind can't lead the blind. I want to see you get baptized by a Baptist preacher ASAP!