A Special Weekend at Church

[BrotherLarry]

I hope you'll all pray for our church - a beacon of hope in godless NYC. This weekend has been a special time of revival and fullness of the faith.


Friday was Forgiveness Friday, where we held services from 9AM until 9PM. Everyone went around to the other members of the congregation, telling each other how we forgive them for their sins, such as high and mighty Sister Gunilla and weak and wimpy Brother Bruce. We all prayed together and left our cares and unforgiving spirits on the altar. I even forgave that brat who left his chewing gum on the pew during Sunday evening worship last summer, ruining my expensive $16 genuine Armani pants I bought from a guy in Chinatown.


Today is Salvation Saturday. The doors to the church are open until 9 this evening for anyone who wants to come kneel in front of the LORD GOD and beg His saving grace despite their unworthiness. Wilma Hallenstein, the Jooess who handles the church books, finally admitted she was a Christ killer and acknowledged JESUS as being the Messiah for which her people have been longing. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. I wasn't there, but I'm told it was lovely.


At 3 PM I will be ministering to the youths on the topic of seckshual sin with a message called Sodomy and Gonorhea, which is a teaching about how pre-marital lust can cause various STD's. I have colorful slides that I will be showing during my message. I think a good time will be had by all.


The weekend culminates with Super Soaker Sunday, where our newly redeemed members will be baptized and treated to sliders and fries in the Miracle of the Fishes Fellowship Hall. A very special Salvation Sealing Service (Ephesians 4:30) will be held at our 6PM worship. We will lay hands on one another and claim the promises of the Bible regarding eternal security and our future rewards in Heaven. (John 10:28-9) (Matthew 5:12) What an exciting time!

[handmaiden]

Re: A Special Weekend at Church

I hope you'll all pray for our church - a beacon of hope in godless NYC. This weekend has been a special time of revival and fullness of the faith. . . Friday was Forgiveness Friday,[. . .] I even forgave that brat who left his chewing gum on the pew during Sunday evening worship last summer, ruining my expensive $16 genuine Armani pants I bought from a guy in Chinatown.

Well, that was mighty white Christian of you, BrotherLarry. However, just because Jesus paid the debt owed on our sins against God, it does not mean that we are freed from the earthly debts owed in the workaday world.

Matthew 22:21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Mark 12:1 And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him.
Luke 20:25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's.

Did the obnoxious little child pay for the pants to be cleaned or replaced? There is a good moral lesson to be learned if he is required to do so.

In the meantime, here is a pair of pants that any , (synonymous, really) would be proud to wear:





P.S. Don't concern yourself with the formatting irregularities of the Bible Quotes. Satan is trying to cause difficulties in spreading God's Word. By the power of prayer, his efforts will fail.

[Brock Landers]

Re: A Special Weekend at Church

It sounds as if you had a wonderful weekend at your church.

I'm excited for next weekend at our church.

We're having our annual gun sale on Saturday, followed by the Blessing of the Guns on Sunday.

A good time is always had by all.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: A Special Weekend at Church

Well, that was mighty white Christian of you, BrotherLarry. However, just because Jesus paid the debt owed on our sins against God, it does not mean that we are freed from the earthly debts owed in the workaday world.

Matthew 22:21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Mark 12:1 And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him.
Luke 20:25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's.

Did the obnoxious little child pay for the pants to be cleaned or replaced? There is a good moral lesson to be learned if he is required to do so.

In the meantime, here is a pair of pants that any , (synonymous, really) would be proud to wear:





P.S. Don't concern yourself with the formatting irregularities of the Bible Quotes. Satan is trying to cause difficulties in spreading God's Word. By the power of prayer, his efforts will fail.

Well it's a good thing all the Ceasars are dead, not counting any beaner named Cesar! (Why do Mexicans gaudily insist on taking on names of prominence? Cesar! Jesus! Goodness!)


It means I can render all I want unto God, heart, body, and tireless palms!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: A Special Weekend at Church

Brother Larry, I am really sorry I missed the 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. service. Can you send me login credentials to your private video feed? I'd love to watch the whole thing from beginning to end!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: A Special Weekend at Church

Brother FM:


Absolutely! It's gratifying to know that you have an interest in people you don't even know. For me, that's one of the traits of a True Christian(TM). Won't you let me know your thoughts after viewing it?


Larry