Holy Spirit WARNING!!

[Brother Love]

Brothers and Sisters of Landover Baptist (God's ONLY TRUE Christian Church on the face of the planet!!).

I feels the HOLY SPIRIT speaking to me and HE is giving me a warning! The Holy Spirit, I thinks, is warnin' me that "somethin' EVIL and VILE this way comes."

Now I don't know exactly what the Holy Spirit means by this BUT I is PRAYIN' 'bouts it some more. There is somethin' in me rit now that is fearful and that wants me to RUN for my life! Does ya'll think I might be diein' tonight or in the next few days? I jist can't figure it out but I knows for sure that the HOLY SPIRIT is warnin' me bouts somethin'.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Now I don't know exactly what the Holy Spirit means by this BUT I is PRAYIN' 'bouts it some more. There is somethin' in me rit now that is fearful and that wants me to RUN for my life! Does ya'll think I might be diein' tonight or in the next few days? I jist can't figure it out but I knows for sure that the HOLY SPIRIT is warnin' me bouts somethin'.

OMG, this is AWFUL! Be careful that you are not called home until your final expenses are covered....by that I mean the Entrance To Heaven tithe you owe to us before JESUS pops the arteries in your brain.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

OMG, this is AWFUL! Be careful that you are not called home until your final expenses are covered....by that I mean
the Entrance To Heaven tithe you owe to us before
JESUS pops the arteries in your brain.

...or veins.

We can't win for losing (sigh) for Him.

A Cheerful Verse

Brothers, for every nerve
comes a sclerosis
and every vein limes in stenosis.
Do not inhale what's even worse
sans Listerine—our halitosis.


.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Was there a bridge involved?

[lilith]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Brothers and Sisters of Landover Baptist (God's ONLY TRUE Christian Church on the face of the planet!!).

I feels the HOLY SPIRIT speaking to me and HE is giving me a warning! The Holy Spirit, I thinks, is warnin' me that "somethin' EVIL and VILE this way comes."

Now I don't know exactly what the Holy Spirit means by this BUT I is PRAYIN' 'bouts it some more. There is somethin' in me rit now that is fearful* and that wants me to RUN for my life! Does ya'll think I might be diein' tonight or in the next few days? I jist can't figure it out but I knows for sure that the HOLY SPIRIT is warnin' me bouts somethin'.

*Try a good stiff dose of Syrup of Figs,that'll sort you out.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

*Try a good stiff dose of Syrup of Figs,that'll sort you out.

I had to look that up, Lilith. My, we do go back aways!

Do you recall...odo-ro-no?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

*Try a good stiff dose of Syrup of Figs,that'll sort you out.

Bwahahahaha!! ZING! I'm delighted because someone else made a reference to bodily functions!
Alternatively he could ask the resident expert on that kind of thing, Pastor Al. *snicker*

[see_the_light]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Brothers and Sisters of Landover Baptist (God's ONLY TRUE Christian Church on the face of the planet!!).

I feels the HOLY SPIRIT speaking to me and HE is giving me a warning! The Holy Spirit, I thinks, is warnin' me that "somethin' EVIL and VILE this way comes."

Now I don't know exactly what the Holy Spirit means by this BUT I is PRAYIN' 'bouts it some more. There is somethin' in me rit now that is fearful and that wants me to RUN for my life! Does ya'll think I might be diein' tonight or in the next few days? I jist can't figure it out but I knows for sure that the HOLY SPIRIT is warnin' me bouts somethin'.

Brother!

Are you sure the warning was meant for you or for the CHURCH?

In any case I PRAY TO THE LORD!

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Bwahahahaha!! ZING! Funny because it's true!
Alternatively he could ask the resident expert on that kind of thing, Pastor Al. *snicker*

Well, Ms. Smugpie, I've initiated a thread by which you may prove your mettle at last: "Women's Ways"

Let's see who can apply the best and most realistic pictures of your benighted sex, shall we?

Men outbrain women one to two!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Bwahahahaha!! ZING! Funny because it's true!
Alternatively he could ask the resident expert on that kind of thing, Pastor Al. *snicker*

Mrs. Poptart, I presume you mean that I am the resident expert on tithing?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Mrs. Poptart, I presume you mean that I am the resident expert on tithing?

Of course. Why would I ever imply anything different?

[see_the_light]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Men outbrain women one to two!

Peter

Unless the MAN as suffered extensive brain damage I would say the appropriate figure would be far higher than two.

PRAISE THE LORD!

[Brother Love]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

Brother!

Are you sure the warning was meant for you or for the CHURCH?

In any case I PRAY TO THE LORD!

Well now I think the warnin' is meant for me. Ya know, in all my years being an EVANGELIST for the LORD I've made a few friends and lots of enemies so ya jist never knows.

There is lots of people out there in the world that jist do not like hearin' the WORD preached at all, ifin ya know what I mean. They want the Lord's Word sugar coated so it fits in with their evil desires! But, I jist preach the Word as it is written and don't sugar coat it at all. So that makes some folks angry and bitter.

But, don't worry cuz I can handle these people cuz I AM a GOOD SOLDIER for CHRIST! Praise the Lord...Glory Halalulu!!

If God is with me, and He IS, then who can stand agin me?

Maybe I needs to talk 'bout this more with Deacon Jack who is one of my deacons in the Salvation Show.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

If God is with me, and He IS, then who can stand agin me?

There, Brother, is your entire peace, and it is secure, for it is with God.

Let no man think he can stand against God!
It has never been done! They are all dead
or doomed to die forever!
For he who does not earn Everlasting Life,
must meet with an everlasting dying process;
it never ends! And each generation of mankind
must repeat the old lessons. Most fail the test,
most all fail The Test; the test of faith, the test of men
God forges!; he hammers, into a form meeting His standards.
As for the flawed ones? The broken ones?
Those, he casts to the furnace of hell.

And it is all good.
And I will not waste regret for the majority, who are too blind or stubborn to see the Light.
And neither do you, Brother Love.

If one in a thousand can be Saved, then I hope and pray, that that one be someone whom
you touched by your wise words, Brother, and by your means, Brother,
to redeem himself to the LORD in time, before his soul be discarded for EVER,
as dross, as scrap, as flaming excremental stench within the very bowels of the Earth.

[see_the_light]

Re: Holy Spirit WARNING!!

There, Brother, is your entire peace, and it is secure, for it is with God.

Let no man think he can stand against God!
It has never been done! They are all dead
or doomed to die forever!
For he who does not earn Everlasting Life,
must meet with an everlasting dying process;
it never ends! And each generation of mankind
must repeat the old lessons. Most fail the test,
most all fail The Test; the test of faith, the test of men
God forges!; he hammers, into a form meeting His standards.
As for the flawed ones? The broken ones?
Those, he casts to the furnace of hell.

And it is all good.
And I will not waste regret for the majority, who are too blind or stubborn to see the Light.
And neither do you, Brother Love.

If one in a thousand can be Saved, then I hope and pray, that that one be someone whom
you touched by your wise words, Brother, and by your means, Brother,
to redeem himself to the LORD in time, before his soul be discarded for EVER,
as dross, as scrap, as flaming excremental stench within the very bowels of the Earth.

AMEN!