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  • SUV
    True Christian™ Princess
    The Driving Force behind RA12
    Have at it, anytime!
    • Sep 2006
    • 11027

    #1

    SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

    MERRY
    CHRISTIAN
    CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

    (Please do color-in those exclamation marks exactly as you'd like!

    All the Stress of this Christmas Season has given me such a Headache!!!)
  • tommy
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Oct 2006
    • 392

    #2
    Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

    Merry Christmas to you!

    I agree, holidays can get very stressful. All the gifts, cards...I like the parties though.

    But anyway...It is Jesus' birthday, the second best reason to celebrate.
    The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
    Exodus 15:3

    Comment

    • SUV
      True Christian™ Princess
      The Driving Force behind RA12
      Have at it, anytime!
      • Sep 2006
      • 11027

      #3
      Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

      (Oh my GOD! There's that really cute beagle hound Tommy! How I'd so hoped he'd reply to my posts!)

      Tommy! What's Jesus-Snail-Claus gonna get you for CHRISTMAS, Babe?

      Comment

      • tommy
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Oct 2006
        • 392

        #4
        Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

        Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
        (Oh my GOD! There's that really cute beagle hound Tommy! How I'd so hoped he'd reply to my posts!)

        Tommy! What's Jesus-Snail-Claus gonna get you for CHRISTMAS, Babe?
        Jesus-Snail-Claus?
        I guess he has been ignoring me since my 6th Bithday. Still don't know why.

        The best present ever would be a walk with you, sista!
        The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
        Exodus 15:3

        Comment

        • SUV
          True Christian™ Princess
          The Driving Force behind RA12
          Have at it, anytime!
          • Sep 2006
          • 11027

          #5
          Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

          Originally posted by tommy View Post
          The best present ever would be a walk with you, sista!
          Oh my GOD! A God-Snail-Saviour truly does exist!!!!

          Okay, Tommy! Here we go! And if we pass Mrs. Betty Bowers with her Ruby-studded leash, walking her little shit-who? we shall just pretend that we are picking up gar-bahghe on the street - okay?

          Bless You, Hon!!!

          Comment

          • Daisy Mae Johnson
            The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
            Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
            aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 15708

            #6
            Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

            Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
            MERRY
            CHRISTIAN
            CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
            And to you too Sweet Sister Sue,

            Please forgive me for being so lazy as to copy and paste you message of goodwill and cheer, but I'm hurried and exhausted from baking Christmas confections and testing that chocolate Santa with Pastor Zeke over and over. I swear that man just cannot get enough. Bless his precious heart.


            :::fixes hair:::::::

            Much Love, Sister Thumper
            sigpic

            Tweet me Here
            My GODLY Bio Here

            Comment

            • SUV
              True Christian™ Princess
              The Driving Force behind RA12
              Have at it, anytime!
              • Sep 2006
              • 11027

              #7
              Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

              Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
              ....Pastor Zeke over and over. I swear that man just cannot get enough. Sister Thumper
              Ah...Dickens Cider, I presume?

              Well, God Bless you and Brother Tommy, Sister Thumper. But I have a Chastisement for the rest of these "people" Snooping on our Godly Board, an astounding "54" of them as of 8:30am, December 24th:

              Do you really think you can hide anonymously behind your little "Spider" things and Jesus and Pastor will not know?! Sinners! Whores of Babylon, Islip, and West Hempstead!!!

              And y'all were just toooo Lazy to color something Cheery into the parts of this Christmas Message I so cunningly crafted just for you!!! All you have to do is register with Pastor and there ya'd go! "The Sin of Sloth!" Oh, how could y'all be so Cruel to me?

              (This in no way casts aspersions upon Good Sister Thumper, who is understandably tired from pleasing her Man during all this Holiday Stress, or Brother Tommy, who is somewhat exhausted from that really long walk we took. Oh, he is such a really cute Member!)

              And if you un$avED don't know what that means, you can go look it up in your Bibles. Assuming you even have a KJV 1611

              Comment

              • Pastor Ezekiel
                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                 
                • Sep 2006
                • 78556

                #8
                Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

                Praise Jesus and happy birthday to our Lord. Sister Thumper knows that I can't wait to have my Dickens Cider. I'll be over soon, Sister. I'll want it as soon as I get in the door. Oh yes I will.
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • Father Maurice Lester
                  Ring-kissing Papist dog
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 3366

                  #9
                  Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  ...Sister Thumper knows that I can't wait to have my Dickens Cider... be over soon, as soon as I get in the door.
                  Try thinking about baseball.




                  Bless you, my lunchbag letdown.
                  Father Mo
                  A Cardinal in the making.

                  Comment

                  • Poetic Peter
                    Christian Poet Emeritus
                    Forum Member
                    • Nov 2006
                    • 1696

                    #10
                    I chose white (out) and green

                    MERRY
                    CHRISTIAN
                    CHRISTMAS


                    !
                    !!
                    !!!
                    !!!!
                    !!!!!
                    !!!!!!!!!
                    !!!!!!!!!!!!
                    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                    !


                    (Please do
                    color-in those exclamation marks ex


                    actly as you'd like!)







                    kachoo. press quode to view.
                    (caught a code in my nodse fum esposure of peter make yellow snow angel pussy)
                    Last edited by Poetic Peter; 12-26-2006, 06:00 AM.

                    Comment

                    • Rachael Van Helsing
                      HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 5131

                      #11
                      Re: I chose white (out) and green

                      MERRY 'XMAS IS OOOOOOVVVVEEERRR'!!!!!!!!!
                      sigpic
                      Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                      Comment

                      • SUV
                        True Christian™ Princess
                        The Driving Force behind RA12
                        Have at it, anytime!
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 11027

                        #12
                        The Day After Christmas: Snail-mess

                        Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                        MERRY 'XMAS IS OOOOOOVVVVEEERRR'!!!!!!!!!
                        That it is, Mrs. Hellbound, and I'm ever so Depressed.

                        I had got together a huge Terrarium, full of dozens of varieties of Snails, set out since Christmas Eve in the Hope that Jesus Claus would Slime down the chimney to bring me a Tasteful Gift. But, can you Believe it? Nothing happened - absolutely nothing. I suppose I didn't Pray hard enough or Slither across the carpet in emulation of Him obsequiously enough.....

                        Whatever, I threw the entire tankful of Snails out the window this morning and they crawled onto the road, perhaps Walking over all the little puddles on the ground to get there - and it Sure™ is Depressing to hear all the slurpy "crunch!" sounds they make when the cars run over top of them.

                        PS Brother Peter, that was a most lovely, artistic thing you did, and I shall color in all those 'Clam' marks. I think a clam is somewhat in the Snail Family....? Well? Couldn't Hurt!

                        Comment

                        • Brother Temperance
                          Senior Usher
                          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                          A very nice young man
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 15621

                          #13
                          Re: I chose white (out) and green

                          Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                          MERRY 'XMAS IS OOOOOOVVVVEEERRR'!!!!!!!!!
                          Is that a band smilie you've got there? May I suggest a more apposite one?
                          Get right with Jesus, woman!
                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                          Comment

                          • Daisy Mae Johnson
                            The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                            Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                            aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 15708

                            #14
                            Re: I chose white (out) and green

                            GLORY!!!!

                            Oh, Brother PP, That is soooooooooo beautiful and creative!

                            I hope JESUS smiled on you on HIS Birthday.


                            Originally posted by Poetic Peter View Post
                            MERRY
                            CHRISTIAN
                            CHRISTMAS


                            !
                            !!
                            !!!
                            !!!!
                            !!!!!
                            !!!!!!!!!
                            !!!!!!!!!!!!
                            !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            !


                            (Please do
                            color-in those exclamation marks ex


                            actly as you'd like!)







                            kachoo. press quode to view.
                            (caught a code in my nodse fum esposure of peter make yellow snow angel pussy)
                            sigpic

                            Tweet me Here
                            My GODLY Bio Here

                            Comment

                            • Poetic Peter
                              Christian Poet Emeritus
                              Forum Member
                              • Nov 2006
                              • 1696

                              #15
                              Re: SUV's Religious, Holy, Christmas message

                              Dear Thisters,

                              kaa...aaah....aaaaaah..ahhhhhhh...skwinkkkk.

                              Just blew out a a lobe. Unwise to stifle a sneeze, I think.

                              Yes, I'll clam up now; God's order.
                              Thanks for pitying snails and males;

                              distinctions sometimes blur.

                              Sniff.
                              Poor me. Damn cars.

                              Uh oh.


                              crunch

                              Comment

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