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Who am I? That's not easy to say. Some people act like being a Republican is bad. Like being proud of leaning right is wrong. I'm here to set a few things straight. I'm proud of who I am and what I believe in. Maybe I'm just a cliche, a stereotype. Maybe I embody everything that's wrong with this nation, maybe I talk like the announcer in a beer commercial, honestly... I don't care.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
The only board meeting I've ever been to was building a tool shed.
The only time I get stuck in traffic is when a herd of cattle stop in the middle of the road.
I've never had a cafe latte.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
My idea of a relaxing weekend is to sit down with a beer and watch the Longhorns.
I got married the day after I graduated from high school and became a father three months later.
I live in a prefabricated house located on top of an Indian burial ground.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I don't mind stopping by the bar after work and drinking a few beers with my friends while watching the game.
I own a few guns and like to go hunting during deer season.
I could have played football at Texas A&M if it weren't for that car crash on prom night that killed two of my friends and left me with permanent brain damage.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
Raising my kids includes going out in the yard and playing catch.
I've never had to pay for parking.
Sometimes I get liquored up and hit my wife around.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I didn't go to college and on forms that ask my occupation I have to fill in the bubble next to "unemployed".
My idea of a suit is a shirt with no sleeves, a pair of jeans, some cowboy boots and a can of Bud.
In high school my friends and I took a cheerleader down to Hitch road by the old Johnson place and took turns raping her on the hood of my pickup truck.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
On Sunday morning I go to church.
My favorite movie is Porkys and my favorite actor is Lee Marvin.
My friends and I have tied a gay guy up to a flag pole in the middle of January and taken turns whipping him with a metal chain and then left him out there all night.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I believe in small government.
My idea of an art museum is the John Deere Museum.
I helped blow up an abortion clinic back in the 90's. I don't think I'd do it again, I was just experimenting at the time. I don't have any regrets though, if that's what you're asking.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I read at a 5th grade level and the last book I read was titled "How To Win At Poker" by Smokey 'Big Tex' Williams.
My entourage is three coon hounds, my friends and a cooler of Bud.
I have a shed filled with automatic weapons and ammunition in case the government ever treads on me. I hope I'll never have to use it but when the day does come I'm going down in a hail of bullets, and hopefully I'm taking a lot of AFT officials down with me.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
Those are just a few of the things I believe in. Maybe I'm not a big city guy like those people from them big cities but my vote counts just as much and in November I'll be casting my vote for McCain. He's a regular Joe Six Pack like me, a regular Bob Domestic Violence like my friends. He's the kind of guy I can go to the bar with and know he has my back when I get into a fight with that faggy Washington Redskins fan that stopped by the bar after the game. Sarah Palin is a regular woman like my wife. The kind of lady I can relate to. She doesn't say big words, she speaks my language and she seems like the kind of chick I'd-uv banged back in high school (I would have wrecked that ass). She's the kind of person, like me, that can't locate Africa on a map and feels threatened by the presence of homosexuals even though we're totally not gay or anything. Maybe that makes me old fashion, I'm fine with that. I'm an American and I have the right to my beliefs, no matter how wrong they are.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
The only board meeting I've ever been to was building a tool shed.
The only time I get stuck in traffic is when a herd of cattle stop in the middle of the road.
I've never had a cafe latte.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
My idea of a relaxing weekend is to sit down with a beer and watch the Longhorns.
I got married the day after I graduated from high school and became a father three months later.
I live in a prefabricated house located on top of an Indian burial ground.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I don't mind stopping by the bar after work and drinking a few beers with my friends while watching the game.
I own a few guns and like to go hunting during deer season.
I could have played football at Texas A&M if it weren't for that car crash on prom night that killed two of my friends and left me with permanent brain damage.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
Raising my kids includes going out in the yard and playing catch.
I've never had to pay for parking.
Sometimes I get liquored up and hit my wife around.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I didn't go to college and on forms that ask my occupation I have to fill in the bubble next to "unemployed".
My idea of a suit is a shirt with no sleeves, a pair of jeans, some cowboy boots and a can of Bud.
In high school my friends and I took a cheerleader down to Hitch road by the old Johnson place and took turns raping her on the hood of my pickup truck.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
On Sunday morning I go to church.
My favorite movie is Porkys and my favorite actor is Lee Marvin.
My friends and I have tied a gay guy up to a flag pole in the middle of January and taken turns whipping him with a metal chain and then left him out there all night.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I believe in small government.
My idea of an art museum is the John Deere Museum.
I helped blow up an abortion clinic back in the 90's. I don't think I'd do it again, I was just experimenting at the time. I don't have any regrets though, if that's what you're asking.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
I read at a 5th grade level and the last book I read was titled "How To Win At Poker" by Smokey 'Big Tex' Williams.
My entourage is three coon hounds, my friends and a cooler of Bud.
I have a shed filled with automatic weapons and ammunition in case the government ever treads on me. I hope I'll never have to use it but when the day does come I'm going down in a hail of bullets, and hopefully I'm taking a lot of AFT officials down with me.
~Archetypal Republican Man~
Those are just a few of the things I believe in. Maybe I'm not a big city guy like those people from them big cities but my vote counts just as much and in November I'll be casting my vote for McCain. He's a regular Joe Six Pack like me, a regular Bob Domestic Violence like my friends. He's the kind of guy I can go to the bar with and know he has my back when I get into a fight with that faggy Washington Redskins fan that stopped by the bar after the game. Sarah Palin is a regular woman like my wife. The kind of lady I can relate to. She doesn't say big words, she speaks my language and she seems like the kind of chick I'd-uv banged back in high school (I would have wrecked that ass). She's the kind of person, like me, that can't locate Africa on a map and feels threatened by the presence of homosexuals even though we're totally not gay or anything. Maybe that makes me old fashion, I'm fine with that. I'm an American and I have the right to my beliefs, no matter how wrong they are.
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