Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

[eliot mayfield]

Your sphincter should be shut like a hermetically sealed vault. To pass gas is to invite Satan in! It is a known fact that homers are always sniffing the air for flatulence because they know a loose sphincter is an invite to sodomy!

Clinch it!

God is everywhere, why would you pollute his air?

[Talitha]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Psalm 78:39
For he remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passeth away, and cometh not .

Also, do not watch the passing of Gas:

Ecclesiastes 11:4
He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap.

[Brother Terrence]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

That is a brilliant observation. Great job in pointing that out. But does this mean we should be avoiding foods that perpetuate gas? I am a huge fan of the "musical fruit", but will disavow them forthwith if Jesus commands it.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Unsurprisingly, the Holy Bible has an answer to that:

Isaiah 3:24
And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty.

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

And now the media is even trying to tell us that stinky rotten gas lowers blood pressure.... What active imaginations they have!

The Stink in Farts Controls Blood Pressure

A smelly rotten-egg gas in farts controls blood pressure in mice, a new study finds.

The unpleasant aroma of the gas, called hydrogen sulfide (H2S), can be a little too familiar, as it is expelled by bacteria living in the human colon and eventually makes its way, well, out.

Full story Here

Disgusting

[Talitha]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Isaiah 3:24
and burning instead of beauty.

Does this mean I must strike a match when I feel a Gusset Rattler coming on?

Not that True Christian™ LOL's do such things

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Burping isn't much more Godly, I tell you! While "wind" from the rear is disgusting, belching also makes the Baby Jesus cry and may lead to the Lord striking you down.

My breath is corrupt, my days are extinct, the graves are ready for me.
Job 17:1

[Wide-Open]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Does this mean I must strike a match when I feel a Gusset Rattler coming on?

Sister!

Not that True Christian™ LOL's do such things

Phew, that's what I thought.

I admit to being a bit confused in the whole "matter". What to make of Matthew?

Matthew 5:26
Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.

[Nobar King]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Everyone knows that the gasses are flammable and stink of sulfur:

_________________

[HatePeace]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

Farting is a natural human action that can't be stopped, my friends.

[Nobar King]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

You must have a really loose sphXXXter, if you can't control your farts. The ladies must love you.

[HatePeace]

Re: Passing gas, inviting Satan in.

No, it's just that it is honestly humanly impossible to go through your entire life without farting or burping. I fart just as much as anyone else.