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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78556

    #1

    Happy Birthday Jesus!!

    I'd like to be the first to say Happy 2008th birthday to our Savior, Jesus Christ. If it wasn't for His birth (and temporary death), none of us would be Heaven-bound. He was undoubtedly the cutest little blond-haired, blue-eyed baby boy in Bethlehem that day.

    Praise Jesus for being born on Christmas Day!!
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
  • Wide-Open
    Director of European Evangelical Outreach
    A Shining Example of Christ's Love
    Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2007
    • 18449

    #2
    Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

    Amen Pastor PRAISE! Way to go Jesus!

    I think we should vote a law that makes it illegal for people to give birth on the 25th of December. They can either hurry up already on the 24th, or just wait a few hours until it's the 26th. That would show RESPECT and LOVE for Jesus!
    Psalm 81:10:
    I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
    open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

    Comment

    • Rev. Carlton Green
      Confirmed Enemy of God
      BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
      • Nov 2006
      • 311

      #3
      Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

      Happy Birthday Jesus! You've been in our hearts for over 2,000 years, and hopefully another 2,000 years to come.

      (Pssst. My wife left you some brandy and raisin cookies next to the fireplace! Feel free to help yourself when your ready to rapture yourself down here!)

      Comment

      • SUV
        True Christian™ Princess
        The Driving Force behind RA12
        Have at it, anytime!
        • Sep 2006
        • 11027

        #4
        Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

        Awe, isn't He just the sweetest little things?



        Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
        Long as I have my plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        Through all trials and tribulations,
        We will travel every nation,
        With my plastic Jesus I'll go far
        I don't care if it rains or freezes
        As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
        Glued to the dashboard of my car,
        You can buy Him phosphorescent
        Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
        Take Him with you when you're travelling far

        I don't care if it's dark or scary
        Long as I have the magnetic Family
        Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
        I feel I'm protected amply
        I've got the whole damn Holy Family
        Riding on the dashboard of my car

        I don't care if it bumps or jostles
        Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
        Bolted to the dashboard of my car
        Don't I have a pious mess
        Such a crowd of holiness
        Strung across the dashboard of my car

        No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
        Long as I have my plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        But I think he'll have to go
        His magnet ruins my radio
        And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar

        Riding through the thoroughfare
        With his nose up in the air
        A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind
        Trouble coming, he don't see
        He just keeps his eyes on me
        And any other thing that lies behind

        Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        Though the sun shines on his back
        Makes him peel, chip, and crack
        A little patching keeps him up to par

        When pedestrians try to cross
        I let them know who's boss
        I never blow my horn or give them warning
        I ride all over town
        Trying to run them down
        And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

        Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        His halo fits just right
        And I use it as a sight
        And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

        When I'm in a traffic jam
        He don't care if I say Damn
        I can let all sorts of curses roll
        Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
        For he has a plastic ear
        The man who invented plastic saved my soul

        Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        Once His robe was snowy white
        Now it isn't quite so bright
        Stained by the smoke of the cigar God made Christ a Holy Jew
        God made Him a Christian too
        Paradoxes populate my car

        Joseph beams with a feigned elan
        From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
        Famous cuckold in the master plan

        Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
        Jesus dainty and beguiling
        Knee-deep in the piling of my van
        His message clear by night or day
        My phosphorescent plastic Gay
        Simpering from the dashboard of my van

        Plastic Jesus shelters me
        For His head comes off, you see
        He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask
        Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        Ride with me and have a dram
        Of the blood of the Lamb
        Plastic Jesus is a holy bar

        God, I'm feeling so evolved
        Drivin' with my problems solved
        Proclaiming what I think of what we are
        Riding home one foggy night,
        With my honey cuddled tight,
        I missed a curve and off the road we veered.
        My windshield got smashed-up good,
        And my darling graced the hood.
        Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.

        I don't care if it rains or freezes
        Long as I got my plastic Jesus
        Riding on the dashboard of my car
        He's the dude with the rusty nails,
        Walks on water, don't need no sails
        Riding on the dashboard of my car

        Comment

        • Daisy Mae Johnson
          The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
          Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
          aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15708

          #5
          Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

          HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!
          Attached Files
          sigpic

          Tweet me Here
          My GODLY Bio Here

          Comment

          • Grace
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Dec 2007
            • 12

            #6
            Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

            HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY JESUS

            It's my Birthday today too!!!!

            But nobody remembers my birthday

            Not even Mommy.

            Comment

            • Talitha
              Deaconess
              Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
              True Christian™
              • May 2026
              • 15118

              #7
              Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

              Originally posted by Little Miss Talitha View Post
              HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY JESUS

              It's my Birthday today too!!!!

              But nobody remembers my birthday

              Not even Mommy.
              YES!!!
              Happy Birthday My Jesus

              Who let my little brat in?

              Sister Talitha

              Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


              HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
              being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



              Comment

              • Wide-Open
                Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                True Christian™
                • Nov 2007
                • 18449

                #8
                Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                Originally posted by Talitha View Post
                Who let my little brat in?
                Can't you just slap her around teach her some discipline?

                I didn't know it was your kid. Judging by her sig, I thought she was Sister M... oh well, let's not get there.

                Genesis 1:16
                And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
                Psalm 81:10:
                I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                Comment

                • Garman Warrior
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Dec 2008
                  • 70

                  #9
                  Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                  Happy birthday Savior!Praise The Lord,Amen!
                  Homosexuality is a filthy and vile sin.Leviticus 18:22 and Romans 1:26-32.Abortion is a murder and genocide.GLBT agenda and abortions doom America.God hates fags and fag enablers.
                  GLBT people who are now in Hell:
                  Matthew Shepard,Diane Whipple,Del Martin,Kermit Love,Heath Ledger(straight gay enabler)

                  Comment

                  • Pastor Ezekiel
                    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                     
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 78556

                    #10
                    Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                    December 25th is also the birthday of one of America's unsung Heroes. THIS MAN exemplifies all that is Christ-like.


                    Happy birthday, Karl! Thanks for the platinum golf clubs, it was very generous. See you and the boys at Pebbple Beach in a few days.
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • Petal
                      LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 991

                      #11
                      Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                      Originally posted by Mr.Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                      I'd like to be the first to say Happy 2008th birthday.
                      when i reads that i thawt it saids happy 208th birthdays, an i thawt "that not true, cuz decembers 25 not be Mr.Pastor Pistle birthdays an it not be Mr.Nobby King birthdays an it not be Mr.Hatchet Jobbie birthdays" or any other oldin fart birthdays. but then i reads it again, an i remembereds that today be lord Jesus birthdays he so old an schmelly but he still bootiful




                      but nows i worrieds that 2008 candles on his birthday cake gonna be so hot it be like hellfires in heavens, i not think that gonna be a very true christain birthdays for him pore lord Jesus

                      Comment

                      • Nobar King
                        Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                        Christ's Guardian
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2007
                        • 23748

                        #12
                        Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                        Lots of fire. Jesus loves that.
                        May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                        Comment

                        • WickedWitch
                          Unsaved Canuck Who Longs to be Saved©
                          CAUTION: Poster is Bi-Lingually curious
                          • Jan 2007
                          • 1366

                          #13
                          Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                          *Rolls eyes* Yes, yes, Merry Xmas and all that, meanwhile my glass is empty again! Who do I have to smack to get a drink around here??

                          And why, Pastor Pistle did you think Petal deserved an infraction for Xmas? I mean, I like mine, 'cause it's all shiny, but I think she would've rathered catnip. Honestly, Pastor. *Gives Petal catnip*
                          Last edited by WickedWitch; 12-26-2008, 06:00 AM. Reason: Defence of a fwend
                          This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

                          Comment

                          • Pastor Ezekiel
                            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                             
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 78556

                            #14
                            Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                            Originally posted by WickedWitch View Post
                            *Rolls eyes* Yes, yes, Merry Xmas and all that, meanwhile my glass is empty again! Who do I have to smack to get a drink around here??
                            I don't think "smack" is the word you usually use in that phrase, now is it Alllie.

                            Go peddle your degeneracy elsewhere, harlot. We don't do "trade" here.
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • WickedWitch
                              Unsaved Canuck Who Longs to be Saved©
                              CAUTION: Poster is Bi-Lingually curious
                              • Jan 2007
                              • 1366

                              #15
                              Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!!

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              I don't think "smack" is the word you usually use in that phrase, now is it Alie.

                              Go peddle your degeneracy elsewhere, harlot. We don't do "trade" here.
                              Would you quit it with the slut comments? You'd have a better chance of breaking into Fort Knox than getting lucky with me, buddy. I certainly haven't had enough to drink for that, and I doubt if I ever will.

                              And the fact still remains that no one has poured me more egg nog. Who's the bartender here, anyway?
                              This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

                              Comment

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