Can I be saved?

[stevejavson]

Hello Landover Baptist Church, I am very troubled. I am a strong Christian who reads the bible, worships Jesus, and hates homersexuals. However, there is one major problem. I'm Asian.

God's holy fire has burned my hair to a charred black, and his holy light is blinding me to the point where I can not open my eyes. Please help me. I want to open my eyes to Jesus's bright salvation. How do I start, and can I be saved?

[Nobar King]

Re: Can I be saved?

Could you tell us more?

[stevejavson]

Re: Can I be saved?

I do my best to convert Heretics, Jews, and Democrats as the Bible says they are scum. I pray 294 times a day, but God is still telling me to open my eyes.

[Nobar King]

Re: Can I be saved?

You should know by now that Landover accepts all who seek glory in Jesus Christ. We kneed to know specifics about you to understand who you are, not just made up stuff.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Can I be saved?

I do my best to convert Heretics, Jews, and Democrats as the Bible says they are scum. I pray 294 times a day, but God is still telling me to open my eyes.

OK, you are a damn liar! Don't troll THIS board, Gomer!

[stevejavson]

Re: Can I be saved?

I'm sorry, my anger just flared up a little after thinking about those heathens. As for information, I'm a Chinese student living in Canada who wishes to enter God's domain.

[Nobar King]

Re: Can I be saved?

That's better. You don't live in Saskatchewan, do you? They have witches there.

[stevejavson]

Re: Can I be saved?

No, I live in Alberta. It's very cold, but I'm guessing that's because Jesus is putting out Satan's flames with his mighty superpowers.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Can I be saved?

I'm sorry, my anger just flared up a little after thinking about those heathens. As for information, I'm a Chinese student living in Canada who wishes to enter God's domain.

Do you mean you are a Christian living in Canuckistan and studying Chinese, or do you mean you are a chink living in Canuckistan and studying something else? Because if Canuckistan will accept illegal immigrants it would be worth any amount of money to send Ching Lee, my worthless chink houskeeper there since her father in Kowloon won't take her back!

[stevejavson]

Re: Can I be saved?

Do you mean you are a Christian living in Canuckistan and studying Chinese, or do you mean you are a chink living in Canuckistan and studying something else? Because if Canuckistan will accept illegal immigrants it would be worth any amount of money to send Ching Lee, my worthless chink houskeeper there since her father in Kowloon won't take her back!

Chink living in Canuckistan looking for salvation.

[Nobar King]

Re: Can I be saved?

Do you live with your parents?

[stevejavson]

Re: Can I be saved?

Sometimes, I live in a residence but move back and forth. Is that a sin?

[Nobar King]

Re: Can I be saved?

No, I was just wondering whether you help them. Are they getting old?

[stevejavson]

Re: Can I be saved?

Fairly old, but the bible says to serve your parents.

[Nobar King]

Re: Can I be saved?

I hope you're nice to your them even when they go crazy.