Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

[Bob4God]

As many of you know, I've been volunteering in the back to help out with Sunday School classes for the past few weeks, and I am disturbed at the high number of True Christian children who aren't able to recite their memory verses when asked to do so.

Tomorrow the kids should be able to recite 1 Kings 11:1, which says: "But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;"

They were supposed to recite it last week, but they were unable to.

I'm thinking that we need to take a more aggressive approach to teaching our kids the Bible.

Unless I hear objections, tomorrow morning I am going to propose that all the children in Sunday School line up facing a wall and each recite their verse one by one. If a child fails to remember his or her memory verse, they get a hard whack across the small of the back with my oversize KJV 1611. If they successfully recite the verse, I move on to the next child.

Sound good?

[Ugly_Kid_Joe]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

That sounds like the good approach!
Those children seem to lack discipline and True love for Jesus. If they still dont get it the week after, I suggest finding a slightly bigger object.

Maybe you can inform the parents they should practise this more at home?

Proverbs 23:13-15:
13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
15 My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine.

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

You are a true man of God, BrotherBob4God!

The Godly Husband and I had the same problem with our cretins. He took out his .357 and threatened to blow them to pieces if they couldn't recite all of Leviticus. Of course, being a soft and loving mother, I convinced him to take a gentler approach. We know throw darts, dipped in various nasty chemicals, at their little bodies for each word missed. They have gotten very good at memorizing the Bible.

[Bob4God]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

He took out his .357 and threatened to blow them to pieces if they couldn't recite all of Leviticus.

With parenting like that, any one of your sons could grow up to be the next greatest Republican President!

If your husband needs any ammunition or additional firearms, don't forget to tell him about FREEHOLD FIREARMS!

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

As many of you know, I've been volunteering in the back to help out with Sunday School classes for the past few weeks, and I am disturbed at the high number of True Christian children who aren't able to recite their memory verses when asked to do so.

Tomorrow the kids should be able to recite 1 Kings 11:1, which says: "But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;"

They were supposed to recite it last week, but they were unable to.

I'm thinking that we need to take a more aggressive approach to teaching our kids the Bible.

Unless I hear objections, tomorrow morning I am going to propose that all the children in Sunday School line up facing a wall and each recite their verse one by one. If a child fails to remember his or her memory verse, they get a hard whack across the small of the back with my oversize KJV 1611. If they successfully recite the verse, I move on to the next child.

Sound good?

Expect a sentence of about 25 years (at the very least) for that...

[Bob4God]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Expect a sentence of about 25 years (at the very least) for that...

Coming from a catholic pervert. Let me tell you, Mr. Martin, this is the GODly United States of America! The government has no right to step in and tell us how to raise our children!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Expect a sentence of about 25 years (at the very least) for that...

I guess you papists have memorized the penal code for child molestation for every state in America by now, huh? "glare:



Unlike you Mary worshiping scum, we follow the one true Holy Bible, word-for-word. My father, Pastor Lamentations Flint, used to give me good sound True Christian(tm) beatings every day, and it sure helped ME memorize the Holy Bible, I can tell you!

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

I guess you papists have memorized the penal code for child molestation for every state in America by now, huh? "glare:



Unlike you Mary worshiping scum, we follow the one true Holy Bible, word-for-word. My father, Pastor Lamentations Flint, used to give me good sound True Christian(tm) beatings every day, and it sure helped ME memorize the Holy Bible, I can tell you!

OK then...

Recite Hezekiah 3:17.

[JennyD]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Brother B4G, may I suggest that you whack just a bit lower on the child?

The posterior is a great place for striking. You don't risk breaking any bones or causing nerve damage, as long as you take care to miss the tailbone.

Meanwhile, the soreness will be long-remembered, when the spanked child sits on one of those hard, wooden chairs I recall seeing in the children's Sunday School rooms!

[Nobar King]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Another successful method is to write verses on the child's body with a sharpie. Once you get one down, memorizing the rest seems to happen more easily. Kids are pretty reluctant to have Bible verses written on them, no matter how much you tell them how good an idea it is.

[Bob4God]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Brother B4G, may I suggest that you whack just a bit lower on the child?

The posterior is a great place for striking. You don't risk breaking any bones or causing nerve damage, as long as you take care to miss the tailbone.

Meanwhile, the soreness will be long-remembered, when the spanked child sits on one of those hard, wooden chairs I recall seeing in the children's Sunday School rooms!

Indeed sister, I found that by striking them on the lower back this morning they tended to fly forward headfirst into the wall. I started whacking them on the bottom and they kept their balance much better!

Initially I was going to have Brother Percy hang onto them for me, but he started to choke the little devils!

[JennyD]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Initially I was going to have Brother Percy hang onto them for me, but he started to choke the little devils!

Ah, Brother Bob, you should know better. He always says that their squawking reminds him of chickens . . . and who is Freehold's most prolific chicken-choker? The man with the iron grip?

Brother Percy, of course! He's won the Freehold Fair's chicken-choking contest for three years running! He's also renowned for his chicken-plucking talents.

Brother Percy, how many chickens DID you pluck last summer at the fair? I've forgotten!

[HatePeace]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

They need to remember them memory verses! But to avoid beating them and going to jail, just write it on them with a Sharpie or permenant pen. Then they can read Bible verses all day.

[Nobar King]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

The ink from a sharpie only lasts for a week maximum. Despite what you might have heard, fair skinned kids DO NOT get permanently inked by sharpie ink.

If they could, kids everywhere would be trying to tattoo themselves with dad's sharpie markers.

[HatePeace]

Re: Problem with kids not remembering their memory verses

Then tattoo it on 'em!