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  • Daisy Mae Johnson
    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 15708
    #1

    Call Security! Stop Thief!

    Today when I returned home from shopping for that perfect pair of shoes, I found Mrs.Nellie Wiggins (from the Baptist Chruch in DesMoines) IN MY KITCHEN going through my recipe rolodex!

    You see, I had let my Messcan staff go home early today because it was one of their son's birthday and they asked if they could take leave early to prepare the fiesta feast (That and Pastor Zeke was coming over for his favorite dinner of rabbit casserole tonight).

    Anyway, I demanded to know what she was doing in MY kitchen going through my things. She didn't answer me, she just turned and ran.

    I grabbed her by the back of the hair, tackled her to the gound and spilled out the content of her purse to see what she was stealing.

    That thieving wench had stolen my recipe for double dutch apple pie!

    We all know that the annual State Wide Spring Bake off will soon be upon and she wanted to make sure I didn't win again this year.

    Can you beleive the nerve!

    The limber little granny took her ballpoint ben and jabbed me in the leg and managed to slither free.

    Please catch her! She still has my recipe!

    Please send an APB out for this woman.


    Worried, Sister Thumper
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    • Poetic Peter
      Christian Poet Emeritus
      Forum Member
      • Nov 2006
      • 1696
      #2
      Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

      Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
      Today when I returned home from shopping for that perfect pair of shoes, I found Mrs.Nellie Wiggins (from the Baptist Chruch in DesMoines) IN MY KITCHEN going through my recipe rolodex!

      You see, I had let my Messcan staff go home early today because it was one of their son's birthday and they asked if they could take leave early to prepare the fiesta feast (That and Pastor Zeke was coming over for his favorite dinner of rabbit casserole tonight).

      Anyway, I demanded to know what she was doing in MY kitchen going through my things. She didn't answer me, she just turned and ran.

      I grabbed her by the back of the hair, tackled her to the gound and spilled out the content of her purse to see what she was stealing.

      That thieving wench had stolen my recipe for double dutch apple pie!

      We all know that the annual State Wide Spring Bake off will soon be upon and she wanted to make sure I didn't win again this year.

      Can you beleive the nerve!

      The limber little granny took her ballpoint ben and jabbed me in the leg and managed to slither free.

      Please catch her! She still has my recipe!

      Please send an APB out for this woman.


      Worried, Sister Thumper
      Heck, "she" looks dangerously strong. I'd hate to meet up with her in a dark alley.

      If the recipe card was lost or ruined
      my Mrs. PP is happy to send you her variant on the recipe;
      it's pretty good! Tripple Nipple Apple Pie.

      Yep, it's got the winnin' spirit


      innit!

      ---

      Meanwhile, I'm locking down the windows and doors, pulling the shades.
      Knock three times if it's you and you want to know how to make Mrs. PP's pie.


      ----
      Poetic Humor Bonus-Cheer-UP for bedraggled Sister:

      Peter: My wife is like the famous river.
      Paul: And pray tell, what river would that be?
      Peter: Why, the mighty Mrs. PP.
      Last edited by Poetic Peter; 02-09-2007, 01:53 AM.

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78553
          #3
          Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

          Don't get your pretty litle head all worried now Sister Thumper. Brother BJ and the boys in security will pay her a little visit and talk some sense into her.

          Also I'd like to annonce in advance that Mrs. Nellie Wiggins will be unable to enter the pie contest this year. Her fingers will be broken.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • Brother Love
              Yes, THAT Brother Love!
              True Christian™
              • Nov 2006
              • 403
              #4
              Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

              Let me know if you need the "services" of my two top deacons (Deacon Harry the Cleaner and Deacon Don the Sniper).
              Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!

              "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15

              "Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"

                Comment

                • OnYourKnees
                  On Extended Furlough
                  True Christian™
                  • Nov 2006
                  • 4729
                  #5
                  Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  I'd like to announce in advance that Mrs. Nellie Wiggins will be unable to enter the pie contest this year. Her fingers will be broken.
                  How unfortunate! Rolling pin accident?

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78553
                      #6
                      Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

                      Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                      How unfortunate! Rolling pin accident?
                      Nope.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • Glendora Christianson
                          Spiritual Mother of LBC
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 2329
                          #7
                          Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!



                          I just wanted to add that I saw this gal snitching Sister Talitha's propper Christian undergarments from her washline (Sister can afford a clothes dryer, but occasionally it is necessary to use the Sun to keep things pure as Jesus white). I sure hope you catch her!
                          Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

                            Comment

                            • virginWhore
                              Unsaved trash, Godless Godmocker
                               
                              • Feb 2007
                              • 112
                              #8
                              Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

                              If you want another recipe, now that she's ruined your secret weapon, I have a very very good creme broule recipe that you might try...


                              vw
                              Ezekiel 23:20: For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

                                Comment

                                • SUV
                                  True Christian™ Princess
                                  The Driving Force behind RA12
                                  Have at it, anytime!
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 11027
                                  #9
                                  Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!



                                  I do not like the easy, Sleazy "look" of this "woman, Sister Thumper. When she is cuaght (as she surely will be by our Men) our Baptist world will be a better place in which to live.

                                  PS I searched this Homer!'s photo for an "Adam's apple" but apparently she's had it Airbrushed out

                                    Comment

                                    • Talitha
                                      Deaconess
                                      Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Dec 2025
                                      • 15118
                                      #10
                                      Re: Call Security! Stop Thief!

                                      Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View Post


                                      I just wanted to add that I saw this gal snitching Sister Talitha's propper Christian undergarments from her washline (Sister can afford a clothes dryer, but occasionally it is necessary to use the Sun to keep things pure as Jesus white). I sure hope you catch her!
                                      OH NO! Not my best Propper Christian Silk Drawers?
                                      Is nothing sacred?
                                      What am I going to wear for my Bible study with The Pastor now?

                                      Sister Talitha

                                      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                                      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                                      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                                        Comment

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