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  • Who Hears TRUMPETS!

    A shark was found in some bicycle lane in Denmark. No signs as to how it got there. Bicycles, as we know, are gay. I think this might be a sign that Jesus is returning. Has anyone heard trumpets?

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    And the second angel sounded, and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea:
    and the third part of the sea became blood;
    And the third part of the creatures which were in the sea, and had life, died;
    and the third part of the ships were destroyed.
    Revelation 8:8-9

    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

  • #2
    A friend read the title of this thread to me, and I thought it asked "Who hears strumpets?" I used to hear strumpets all the time, but then I moved out of New York City, and my life has been 100% strumpet free ever since. As for trumpets, no, I haven't heard them, but it's an excellent question. I'll keep my ears open.
    The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!