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What are "buy nothing groups"? The truth will PAINFULLY NAUSEATE you!
Introduction: silly human, rabbit holes are for rabbits
I went on a serious trip down some rabbit holes last night.
First, I noticed that Volemort Zelenski appeared on the scene just after Al Franken disappeared from public life. Hm, a genius Jewish comedian-turned-statesman disappears from one spot, and then a genius Jewish comedian-turned-statesman appears elsewhere? Same person?
The deep state is innovating: fake deaths don't fool anybody anymore. The solution? Podcasts. Al Franken's voice still exists, but we never see his face.
Is plastic surgery really advanced enough to do this? Off to research the transexual menace. Decide to save time by checking videos of them in groups. I go for the Japanese videos, because they use less makeup. Obvious Zelenski doesn't have time to put on make-up while touring trenches. Unless Zaleski is the original "true form", and "Al Franken" was a mask from the start? Wow, that's dedication. This is one deep state operative who has earned his "pepperoni with extra meatballs."
So now I've got 15 browser windows open, and each one has so many tabs that I can't read one letter of the titles. The only way to find things is to open the "history" gizmo and use the search bar there.
I'm willing to sacrifice myself for the cause.
I start by sacrificing my eyes, and then my stomach, researching "asian ladyboy groups"
It was a rabbit-hole too far.
An unknowable amount of time later, in my confusion, I tried to type "boy, nothing gay, not me", but ended up searching for "buy nothing group near me".
So-called "buy nothing groups" are an impossibly easy-to-use system to meet impossibly nice people who do impossibly nice things. Like give stuff away. Or search their attic for stuff just because someone asked if they could have it. For free. As in, without paying anything.
Part one: Buy Nothing Groups are impossibly impossible
Now, economically, on one hand we already know that used goods are not valuable. If an item is a few years old, or has one single scratch on it, it ends up worth one tenth of what is was worth new and packaged.
So if old stuff is cheap, and the priceless warm glow of niegbourlyness and community do-gooder high is priceless* then it makes economic sense.
But it can't be, because if the priceless warm glow of neighborliness and community do-gooder high is valuable, then the government would be taxing it.
Therefore it doesn't exist. I can confirm that I have never experienced anything remotely close to a "warm glow of neighborliness and community do-gooder high". Doesn't exist.
As for being socially impossible, people just don't like sharing. This can be easily proven with a simple experiment: next time you see a child with a toy, take the toy from them. See, people hate sharing.
It's also geopolitically impossible. The regime of the People's Republic of China would never allow it.
So would China tolerate an America that stops buying, an America who has discovered that it can simply swap plastic pumpkins from one attic to another?
Of course not. The moment anyone so much as suggested "buy nothing groups", Mao's Red Guard Ninjas would have gotten to work and a whole lot of people would have been Epstiened. Probably their dogs too. Fido didn't kill himself!
So, if these so-called "buy nothing groups" actually are real, then it disproves everything we know about economics, sociology, and Red Guard Ninjas fanfics.
Part Two: Occam's Razor. (Trigger warning: shaving.)
Occam's Razor says we should believe the simplest, least revolutionary theory available.
"Warm glow of niceness" is weird:
Where are all the figs? I don't see fruit of any kind! This makes no sense!
Clearly Occam's Razor says that Pizzagate is the best theory. Cut yourself shaving, Adam Smith?
And when I say "Warm glow of niceness" theory is weird, I mean it's so strange it violates multiple laws of thermodynamics, and most economic models forecast that giving your hand-me-downs to the kid across the street would cause hyperinflation in the asset derivatives market, as well as an interest-surge across all macroeconomic indicators. After Goldman Sachs' bull market hyperinflates to Mesoamerican standard indexes, the stock market fluctuations will maximize the returns of export-investment after the real-estate market re-evaluates.
Sorry, I went off on a tangent.
Maintaining literacy is a dirty job but someone in this political movement has to do it. Without me conservatives are dumb, and dumb has consequences.
You're welcome.
Part 3: Read between the panty-lines
Those "gifts" are code-words, of course. One word means "children", another means pets, another means "ballerina panties", and so on down the endless list of perversions. I say endless because they invent perversions faster than I can document them. And I'm a hard worker.
Can every supposed handover of a lightly scratched coffee-table really be another hymen sacrifice on the altar of the Georgia Guide-stones?
Is it sinking in?
Duty calls. We must research this, one Pepperoni hold-the-olives at a time.
I vow I will get to the bottom of this.
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