BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

[Larry Lee]

Greetings, Brothers and Cistern!

True Christians™ have been meeting their Makerfor a real long time, Hallelujah, but this is the thread where we proactively celebrate a TC™'s passing.

Right now I'm excited about our sister Tammy Faye Bakker Messner, who just last month told Larry King she only weighed 68 pounds, and .... boy oh boy, what can we say but, Hallelujah, Tammy Faye'll be knocking on the pearly gates any day now. I can hardly wait, for – Glory! – did that sister know how to shear sheep, or what!

And then there's Larry Norman! The inventor of Christian Rock! He's been on his deathbed with private nurses and all that for – like – forever, but he's getting sicker every day! And doesn't have enough insurance! (A real American testimony there for our Republican Lord, fer sure, fer sure) We can only pray that Larry's end is nigh. For, verily, our ears ache to hear a joyful noise. Why do you tarry, Bro?

So, who in the world of True Christians™ are you waiting to pass? Please don't hesitate to share with all of us, because we'll all be edified by the good work that the Lord is about to perform.

[lilith]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

Um....Larry sweetie?

I'm fairly sure that you don't want me to answer that last bit...do you?

[Poetic Peter]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

I am delighted for Billy Graham's impending departure;
that the children have already split apart on where to bury his remains.

One of them proposes a Christian amusement park for the interment,
but Billy just wants to go aground.

Hawkers hanker to spit "Come to BibleLand for BillyGraham!"
(that's it in a nutshell, the bones of a burial contention)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

My mind has been on this subject as well, Brother LL. Two names come to mind who will be facing the Loving judgment of Jesus soon.

Any day now, that false Christian Billy Graham will be meeting his maker. Due to his embracing of false doctrine, which I have posted in some detail here before, I have no doubt at all that Pastor Graham will be regretting the day he decided to join satan's army.

The other name that comes to mind is a more robust, manly male Christian, and one whom Pastor Pistle and I have had the privilege to hunt with several times. I refer to Brother Charlton Heston, aka Moses. As hellbound as false Pastor Graham is, I am equally certain of the place in Heaven's pistol range awaiting Brother Chuck once God calls him home. Which should be any day now.

And by the way, Brother Heston's line of Biblical DVDs aren't selling too well, so if anyone would like to help him out in his dotage, FOX FAITH still has a warehouse full of them. You can't beat 50% off!

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

...Right now I'm excited about our sister Tammy Faye Bakker Messner, who just last month told Larry King she only weighed 68 pounds...

While it is the Lord's prerogative to call his own home whenever it suits him it is still difficult for the families and friends of those about to leave this mortal coil.

I am saddened to hear that Tammy Faye is circling the drain these days and shall make note to the Vatican portfolio directors to drop any Maybelline stock we hold ASAP! Like a large number of bonkers American Tevangelical swindlers, she did help the Catholic Church out by making us look good in comparison. We can only hope that she sees fit to embrace Catholicism before she dies so that she can join our Heavenly Father and all of the Popes when her last fake eyelash sticks to fate's hotel room pillow.




Bless you, my death pool doodler,
Father Mo

[SUV]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

God Jesus,

DON'T LET ME BE A LEFT BEHIND!!!

[Larry Lee]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

Sister, are you planning a trip? You need to stop by Landover's Triple AAA ("Alleluia And Amen") Travel Agency, which is conveniently located just off the vestibule of Fellowship Hall. Triple AAA knows how to service all of the True Christian™'s travel needs -- from travel and lodging to auto buying, leasing, renting, and repair; financial services such as loans and credit cards; and insurance. You'll need insurance.

AND WHAT GLORIOUS NEWS about Brother Billy -- nearly deceased, is he? That's terrific. In part, of course, because Brother Billy has always been a little soft on his affection for Dear Leader, not to mention his open contempt for Brothers Jerry and James. Thankfully, the Lord has installed Billy's son, Franklin, to oversee the ministry, once Billy is out of the picture. Franklin is a True Man of God, who appreciates the deep opportunities for evangelism that come with preemptive war on the Mudslimes. Amen.

_____________
Personal note to Lilith: Lilith, I see your heart is as hardened as ever towards the Lord God and His holy Church, Landover. Will you never accept Christ's opportunity to tithe?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

I am saddened to hear that Tammy Faye is circling the drain these days and shall make note to the Vatican portfolio directors to drop any Maybelline stock we hold ASAP! Like a large number of bonkers American Tevangelical swindlers, she did help the Catholic Church out by making us look good in comparison. We can only hope that she sees fit to embrace Catholicism before she dies so that she can join our Heavenly Father and all of the Popes when her last fake eyelash sticks to fate's hotel room pillow.

So who do you refer to as your Heavenly Father again? Pope John Paul? Augustine? Origen? Satan Himself? Surely it can't be God - there's no way even a Papist pederast could be egotistical enough to give himself the same title as Our Lord, is there?

Sister, are you planning a trip? You need to stop by Landover's Triple AAA ("Alleluia And Amen") Travel Agency, which is conveniently located just off the vestibule of Fellowship Hall. Triple AAA knows how to service all of the True Christian™'s travel needs -- from travel and lodging to auto buying, leasing, renting, and repair; financial services such as loans and credit cards; and insurance. You'll need insurance.

I know I'm ultimately just naive Eurotrash and don't fully understand your sophisticated American ways, but wouldn't a triple AAA be an AAAAAAAAA? While bigger is very often better, it still seems a bit of a cumbersome name - how are people supposed to tell if a small boy is asking for directions to the AAAAAAAAA or just squealing in terror at the sight of Father Mo?

[SUV]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

...Tammy Faye Bakker Messner, who just last month told Larry King she only weighed 68 pounds

Brother, I've been pondering on such a drastic weight-loss occurrence, and cannot help but wonder: Did she take off her make-up?

[OnYourKnees]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

Brother, I've been pondering on such a drastic weight-loss occurrence, and cannot help but wonder: Did she take off her make-up?

How do you think she got down to 68 pounds so fast?

[lilith]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

Brother, I've been pondering on such a drastic weight-loss occurrence, and cannot help but wonder: Did she take off her make-up?

Just the false eyelashes would do it,surely?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: BOUND FOR GLORY! the Christian death watch thread

Um....Larry sweetie?

I'm fairly sure that you don't want me to answer that last bit...do you?

Ditto for me.