I just want you all to know,

[Marshall]

That I, like Christ, hate sinners and their sinful shenanigans and when they come here and type their asinine ramblings I get as frustrated as the next True Christian™ soul. They are beneath me naturally and I personally don't understand why they choose to troll our Glorious Church and spam their nonsense about Eviloution and science and their stupid attempts to refute the Word of God.
But they do.
Praise Jesus this is the Landover Baptist Church and not some homosexual namby pamby false church that Jesus wouldn't waste His precious time with. The power of the Lord is strong here and we all need to remain focused on the Lord Jesus Christ when the non believers attack. They have no power over the logic of the Holy Bible which cannot be disputed! Praise Jesus!
When they ask their questions and mock our Saviour, remain calm and bask in the Glory of the Lord and the knowledge that with every doubtful post they make, with every scandalous remark, every sinful error of judgment and admission of guilt they commit to, we are but a millisecond from Christs sweet caress and our words ring truer than anything they might know! Glory!
Remain strong Brothers and Sistren!
For our work is the Lords work and we are never wrong!
In Christs Holy Name,
-M

[SUV]

Re: I just want you all to know,

...and you know what else, Pastor Marshall? It has come to my attention that there are probably un$avED "women" who are doing their Sinful "Kegel" "exercises" Right here on our Godly board! RIGHT NOW!!!

I had meant to address this in a separate thread, but now's as Good a time as any:

"Ladies" (and I say this advisedly) you must cease & desist from this Vile practice immediately! Because our Men are so Strong in the Faith, this sometimes causes them to become Weak in the Flesh (Pastor Marshall excepted, of course ) and I will not see them led into SIN as were so many other Christian Men, Reverend Jimmy Swagger being only one example.

So STOP IT! STOP IT, I SAY! IMMEDIATELY! Now that I've brought this to the Mens' attention, if you don't cut it out Right now, they're gonna get you, and they're gonna get you GOOD!!!

[Marshall]

Re: I just want you all to know,

You know, at first I didn't quite understand what you meant by Kegal.

Lord save me when I looked that up I almost puked on my keyboard! Certainly there aren't any womenfolk here doing such a sinful and degrading a thing. That must've been the invention of some womens libbing feminazi because no self respecting God fearing lady of the church would do that.

[virginWhore]

Re: I just want you all to know,

OH MY DEAR SWEET JESUS!!!!!!!!!


I just went to wiki to read up, and encountered one of the most perfect practical jokes I've ever seen played on the internet!

they say that MEN can do these exercises too, by:

"...this by placing their thumb in the anus while simultaneously urinating and standing on one foot to stop the flow of urination. The anus will also contract when the flow is stopped. Men should be patient when they begin kegel exercises as it may take 4 to 6 weeks to see a substantial difference."


I am just about DYING of laughter at the idea of the fags hopping up and down on one leg, peeing with their thumbs up their butt FOR SIX WEEKS. I just can't figure out why Wikipedia didn't also have them sing "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN" while doing it.

vw

[Marshall]

Re: I just want you all to know,

Well if that isn't a disgusting post I don't know what is. You should hold back on your fancy cuss words and Homosexual writings before you offend some of the more delicate flowers we have here amongst Gods chosen. I've heard worse, but fragile minds like Sister Sue for example might get ideas in their pretty heads if you over stimulate their imaginations.

In other words, watch your potty mouth, this is the Lords Church.

[virginWhore]

Re: I just want you all to know,

I'm so sorry pastor...but any website that has the fags peeing while jumping up and down on one leg with their thumbs up thier butts, is OK BY ME!


vw

[lilith]

Re: I just want you all to know,

...and you know what else, Pastor Marshall? It has come to my attention that there are probably un$avED "women" who are doing their Sinful "Kegel" "exercises" Right here on our Godly board! RIGHT NOW!!!

I had meant to address this in a separate thread, but now's as Good a time as any:

"Ladies" (and I say this advisedly) you must cease & desist from this Vile practice immediately! Because our Men are so Strong in the Faith, this sometimes causes them to become Weak in the Flesh (Pastor Marshall excepted, of course ) and I will not see them led into SIN as were so many other Christian Men, Reverend Jimmy Swagger being only one example.

So STOP IT! STOP IT, I SAY! IMMEDIATELY! Now that I've brought this to the Mens' attention, if you don't cut it out Right now, they're gonna get you, and they're gonna get you GOOD!!!

But Sister Sue Vera,those muscles are useful during pregnancy & childbirth,something Landover is quite keen on.....so maybe you'd better start doing those Kegel exercises.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: I just want you all to know,

But Sister Sue Vera,those muscles are useful during pregnancy & childbirth, something Landover is quite keen on.....so maybe you'd better start doing those Kegel exercises.

I am reminded of a phrase I heard once in confession.



"Baseball bat in a garbage can."



This all sounds like something from a science friction novel!


Bless you, My resistance challenged town mattress,
Father Mo

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I just want you all to know,

That I, like Christ, hate sinners and their sinful shenanigans and when they come here and type their asinine ramblings I get as frustrated as the next True Christian™ soul. They are beneath me naturally and I personally don't understand why they choose to troll our Glorious Church and spam their nonsense about Eviloution and science and their stupid attempts to refute the Word of God.
But they do.
For our work is the Lords work and we are never wrong!
In Christs Holy Name,
-M

"...this by placing their thumb in the anus while simultaneously urinating and standing on one foot to stop the flow of urination. The anus will also contract when the flow is stopped. Men should be patient when they begin kegel exercises as it may take 4 to 6 weeks to see a substantial difference."


I am just about DYING of laughter at the idea of the fags hopping up and down on one leg, peeing with their thumbs up their butt FOR SIX WEEKS. I just can't figure out why Wikipedia didn't also have them sing "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN" while doing it.

vw

Brother Marshall was talking about this exact thing. I am assigning a shiny new batch of infraction points to you for going out of your way to insult Jesus AND doing the exact opposite of what you had just previously been instructed NOT to do. Plus you made us all sick with that disgusting story about the homer practices.

[SUV]

Re: I just want you all to know,

they say that MEN can do these exercises too, by:

"...this by placing their thumb in the anus while simultaneously urinating and standing on one foot to stop the flow of urination. The anus will also contract when the flow is stopped. Men should be patient when they begin kegel exercises as it may take 4 to 6 weeks to see a substantial difference."

Well, thanks a lot for that one! Now how am I ever to keep my mind on Pastor Deacon Fred's Easter Sermon this morning while picturing him doing all of this!

Because, as Pastor Marshall Proclaimed, I am rather suggestible. It's simply the Christian Lady in me.

[Brother John]

Re: I just want you all to know,

But Sister Sue Vera,those muscles are useful during pregnancy & childbirth,something Landover is quite keen on.....so maybe you'd better start doing those Kegel exercises.

Women are meant to suffer during childbirth, not ease the pain.

[BadAssButterfly (On Moderation)]

Re: I just want you all to know,

...and you know what else, Pastor Marshall? It has come to my attention that there are probably un$avED "women" who are doing their Sinful "Kegel" "exercises" Right here on our Godly board! RIGHT NOW!!!

I had meant to address this in a separate thread, but now's as Good a time as any:

"Ladies" (and I say this advisedly) you must cease & desist from this Vile practice immediately! Because our Men are so Strong in the Faith, this sometimes causes them to become Weak in the Flesh (Pastor Marshall excepted, of course ) and I will not see them led into SIN as were so many other Christian Men, Reverend Jimmy Swagger being only one example.

So STOP IT! STOP IT, I SAY! IMMEDIATELY! Now that I've brought this to the Mens' attention, if you don't cut it out Right now, they're gonna get you, and they're gonna get you GOOD!!!

So do you think that breast self-exams are sinful too? Is it better to have breast cancer go undetected than to touch your own nipple?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I just want you all to know,

So do you think that breast self-exams are sinful too? Is it better to have breast cancer go undetected than to touch your own nipple?

Such behavior leads to lezbeanism. If Jesus wants you to have cancer on one of your unmentionables, then you should thank Him for it. Heavy petting with yourself is just revolting to Jesus.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I just want you all to know,

So do you think that breast self-exams are sinful too? Is it better to have breast cancer go undetected than to touch your own nipple?

No, it is better to pray to Jesus to spare you from such things than to deliberately provoke His wrath by examining yourself in a way that suggests you don't think He's capable of protecting you.

[lilith]

Re: I just want you all to know,

Women are meant to suffer during childbirth, not ease the pain.

You couldn't be expected to know this,but it has nothing to do with easing pain.

Or would you prefer that women be unable to give birth without damage to the baby?
Lack of oxygen causes brain damage. But then,these are TC babies you're talking about,so naturally any brain damage would be undetectable.