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  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324
    #1

    Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

    We all remember the old Pastors and Sunday school ladies who smelled funny. Their breath could kill a rat at 50 paces we joked.
    Well Jesus, I thank you for giving me these problems now.
    Job, chapter 17

    "1": My breath is corrupt, my days are extinct, the graves are ready for me.

    "2": Are there not mockers with me? and doth not mine eye continue in their provocation?
    We as children mocked our elders! Yet, Jesus has inflicted me too. And I thank him, because I have contacted those I mocked and begged forgiveness. Thank you Jesus that I suffer on earth, that I gain entrance into Heaven.
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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    • Talitha
      Deaconess
      Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
      True Christian™
      • Dec 2025
      • 15118
      #2
      Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

      It's really wonderful, the way we can thank Our Lord Jesus Christ for this kind of thing.

      Praise HIM.

      Sister Talitha

      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


        Comment

        • HTannor
          America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
          True Christian™
          • Jun 2009
          • 2612
          #3
          Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

          Such a tragedy, Brother Mayfield. Our Good Book contains the answers to all problems if we but search.

          I shall repair to my study to find the appropriate tracts that will be of assistance in overcoming your malady.
          The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

          "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

            Comment

            • Talitha
              Deaconess
              Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
              True Christian™
              • Dec 2025
              • 15118
              #4
              Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

              Originally posted by HTannor View Post
              Such a tragedy, Brother Mayfield. Our Good Book contains the answers to all problems if we but search.

              I shall repair to my study to find the appropriate tracts that will be of assistance in overcoming your malady.
              Why should he wish to overcome something that is a Gift from God?
              He should shout HALLELUJAH (from a distance) and PRAISE THE LORD!!!

              May I also suggest............??
              Click image for larger version Name: jesus-mints.jpg Views: 1 Size: 41.6 KB ID: 1908808

              Sister Talitha

              Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


              HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
              being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                Comment

                • Brother Enoch
                  The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
                  True Christian™
                  • Jun 2008
                  • 4392
                  #5
                  Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

                  Have you considered having your teeth removed? It worked for my wife.

                    Comment

                    • eliot mayfield
                      God Squad
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 9324
                      #6
                      Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

                      Originally posted by Talitha View Post
                      Why should he wish to overcome something that is a Gift from God?
                      He should shout HALLELUJAH (from a distance) and PRAISE THE LORD!!!
                      Thank you Sister! Allow me to get up close and shout it to you brother Tannor, Jesus gave this to me for a reason. The reason was so I can go to heaven. That's why I have dandruff too! We made jokes about Pastor Radcliffe and how it would snow in July when he got worked up during a sermon! Well, I begged the old Pastor for his forgiveness and it was Jesus and his love that led me to that divine moment.
                      Matthew:
                      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                      sigpic

                        Comment

                        • HTannor
                          America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
                          True Christian™
                          • Jun 2009
                          • 2612
                          #7
                          Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

                          Well, okay. I find myself properly chastised.

                          I will go to the home of Brother Mayfield and offer him my condolences for my rash reponse.
                          Last edited by Bob4God; 11-23-2009, 05:59 PM.
                          The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

                          "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78553
                              #8
                              Re: Thank you Jesus for my halitosis.

                              Originally posted by HTannor View Post
                              Well, okay. I find myself properly chastised.

                              I will go to the home of Brother Mayfield and offer him my condolences for my rash reponse..

                              I pray that you are not accousted by a band of youths on the way. A guy in your ... condition might find it tough going...
                              Last edited by Bob4God; 11-23-2009, 05:59 PM.
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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